Mehh this is kind of an info dump, and what I don't really like about it is the fact that we haven't really been introduced to the character before it.We were just getting out of the depression, getting back onto our feet and finding our place once again in this world. We were already poor, it had been a struggle just to get bread onto the table. We were one of the few families that did not make the move to California, or some other state during the Depression. We stayed where we were, it would have cost more then we had just to travel a few miles.
Adrenaline doesn't seem like the best word to describe what you're trying to convey, in my opinion. When you say adrenaline it brings to mind really high pressure situations, a lot of action and fear. Which doesn't really fit here does it?The Dust Bowl took many of our friends lives, and yet, we were still spared. Each day for us was a struggle, we ran on pure adrenaline- hoping to make it through the next day.
Ehhhh I have a problem with this. Like really if you're "hoping to make it through the next day" and watching your younger siblings starving, you really wouldn't slack off all the time. I just find it a little unrealistic. Most kids back then weren't spoiled, especially if they had like you said, nothing.He always looked after me. Maybe sometimes, a little too much. I was spoiled, always being able to get out of work. But our family was starving, the little ones were skin and bones. We were the only two people who brought food in. And I failed.
DeadEndsAreOptional wrote:Each day for us was a struggle, we ran on pure adrenaline- hoping to make it through the next day.
I would use will power instead of adrenaline. The other reviewer already pointed it out.
I have something against hyphens. I really don't like them. You can keep it, if you want, but I would use a comma instead. It works just as well.
Father would do the work that I did not, or fixed the work I messed up.
This sentence sounds weird. I would say didn't instead or didn't do. To make it sound more realistic, coming from a farmboy's point of view I would use a contraction.
I was spoiled, always being able to get out of work. But our family was starving, the little ones were skin and bones. We were the only two people who brought food in.
I understand what you mean by spoiled, I think. It sounds that Stanley's dad really just went easy on him not really "spoiling him" in today's sense but letting him get out of things he shouldn't. I think it's fine. Sorry for the conflicting opinion.
I do wonder how he doesn't feel any guilt about his family starving, but you can work it out, I'm sure.
One more thing. I know you're tired of my history lesson, but the Dust Bowl really hit people who lived on farms as you hinted to before this. What is Stanley going to do to increase the food supply? There wouldn't be any real factories or anything to work at. I want to ask a question about the other chapters as well. Where are Stanley and his mom getting all these jobs. The area they were living in was very rural, especially with the Dust Bowl.
When the stock market fell, Father lost his job.
Here I'm confused. Most jobs were farm related. Most of it was subsistence farming, so he would have his own farm anyway. Maybe, you should do a little more research.
I never truly grew up, until the day in December 1941 that no one will ever forget.
And this time, I will not fail my family.
Very nice ending line.
I didn't see the date until I'd already typed all of this. His father was sent over seas in 1941. I'm going to leave all of those dates up there, in case you need to refer to something.
One more thing, I would like to see a childish side of Stanley. A personal choice, if I wrote historical fiction, would be to keep an immature side. That's just me. Do what you're planning.
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