Young Writers Society

A/N: Hello, people! This is an old novel of mine. I've put it in the "historical novel" category, but I warn you, that it is fiction 100%. How should I say it? This was not written in any era, or in any society that had once existed. It's a kind of alternate reality that corresponds to the end of the 18th century, a little bit fairytale-ish. The story is pretty simple, not too many characters.

Hope you like it! The story is complete, I just have to get enough points in order to upload all 17 chapters. If I'll get positive reviews, I'll do this! ^^

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Being the daughter of the queen is not undemanding and pleasant at all. Some of you might think the other way; others might have read enough books or heard enough stories to agree with me. I guess every little girl has dreamed of being a princess, at least once in her life, and to those of you who have, this story is sure to make you wonder and think beyond this superficial perspective – an illusion of how reality really is.

Sure, I have lived my life in wealth, being surrounded by huge walls, descending marble staircases and walking through never-ending corridors – all of them decorated with detailed tapestries and fine paintings framed by golden borders. But not surrounded by what a human being needs the most – warmth, friendship, love. Poverty had been complete fiction to me, until I learnt about it. All these fake impressions are only appearances; this is how it's seen from the outside of the palace.

Oh! The palace – the most outstanding building from all land! The roof – fitted entirely with coffered ceilings, the walls – adorned with frescos, gold gilding covering the doorframes, Corinthian order columns and furniture presenting arabesque and delicate carvings, enriched with fine-cut velvet. With such luxury around me, one might ask: 'What more would somebody ask for?'

Pretty much everything else – 'freedom', in one word.

We, royalty members, have to live in a lie. Our life choices must always satisfy political needs and we must never listen of our heart's desires and wishes, no matter how pure and sincere they are. No matter how much we hope for happiness, no matter how much faith we have, reality shatters it all, little by little, until there's no more power inside of us to keep on believing that something will change someday. We are prisons of our own rang, ever since the moment we are born.

I was raised in an atmosphere of wealth; and while I had no idea of what freedom means during my childhood, I certainly lacked a friend, someone to play with. Having fun was something I could only imagine. There were a few acquaintances belonging to the upper class that I seldom had the opportunity to speak with and of course, there were the maids that were charged with the cleaning my room, but they weren't allowed to exchange any word with me.

Everything started to change when my training began… more exactly, when I met my teacher, a well-built young man – a few years older than I was – with thick black hair and piercing blue eyes – and the colour of his eyes was the only thing we had in common, apparently.

He was outgoing, assertive and adventurous, with a passion for literature that I had discovered from the very beginning… whereas I was timid, with a less outstanding personality, the kind of person who loves daydreaming – an incurable romantic, which was not hard to explain considering my education. Needless to mention that he was the only man I had gotten to know better. My father had died when I was merely five years old – too young to even remember.

At first, it felt strange. But soon we were meant to become close friends – right from the moment he had called me 'Liz', which was very 'improper' of him at that moment, or at least that is how my mother would call it. Nevertheless, I eventually came to think that it would have been weird not to address to me this way. 'Your Highness' or 'Princess Elizabeth' were titles he used just in presence of others. And I called him 'James'.

Through him, I discovered the magic of written pages, the mystery that was hidden behind words, the pleasure in reading a fascinating book.

But my story really begins with my eighteenth birthday. I remember even now, after so many years; and still the memory is fresh in my mind, as if it was yesterday.

Hey there writer! :] I'm SporkPunk and I'll review this today.

Grammar and other technical things

Poverty had been complete fiction to me, until I learnt about it.

This sentence is a little awkward sounding. Maybe you should delete everything that comes after "until...." Because "had been" implies that poverty is no longer fiction to your MC.

one might ask: 'What more would somebody ask for?'

Two things here. One, the colon should be a comma since colons are only for listing items, and second, the quotations should be double quotation marks.

have to live in a lie.

"In" is unnecessary here. xD

Plot-y things

He was outgoing, assertive and adventurous, with a passion for literature that I had discovered from the very beginning… whereas I was timid, with a

I didn't get the whole passage, haha. But in this paragraph, you're telling rather than showing and that bores the reader, sadly.

Other than that, I don't have any nitpicks. I can tell from the prologue that this will be quite the sweet/cute/entertaining novel---I really want to finds out what will happen to Princess Elizabeth. C: Though there were some grammar issues, I think this is great. c:

Spork

Okay, this was amazing. Very few things that I have problems with. SporkPunk already listed a few of them (and, SporkPunk, I just have to say that I really love your name).

So, when you said "with a passion for literature that I had discovered from the very beginning" (yeah, I don't really get how to do the quoting thing yet), you used "from" wrong. Nothing is discovered from the beginning, it's discovered in/at/during, etc. the beginning. Because "discover" isn't continuous, it's a one-time thing. You do it. She didn't start discovering at the beginning and continue to do so until the present.

I really love the way you wrote it. It kinda jumped out at me, grabbed me right at the beginning. Not only the present-tense, but the first-person I really love. You have a nice style, and I want to read more.

Also I feel like I should point out that when you're quoting something, you keep putting the punctuation outside the quotes. Like this: "dog". If you're trying to do what's accepted as correct, do "dog." I personally don't like putting the punctuation inside the quotations, because if you're actually quoting somebody, you're giving them this punctuation that implies that they were saying it one way when it's really you saying it with that tone of voice. So. If you were doing that wrong intentionally, then yeah, nevermind.

First sentence in and I see something wrong.

Being the daughter of the queen is not undemanding and pleasant at all.

You see the double negative there? Not undemanding. It trips people up and confuse them. How about the plain, old demanding? Simple, sweet and nonconfusing.

Another sentence that I found a bit strange was:

With such luxury around me, one might ask: 'What more would somebody ask for?'

Can I sugest that you get rid of the quotation marks? It seemed a bit necessary to me. I'd also suggest changing the 'would' to 'could'. Sentence seems to flow better with could.

One last sentence I found strange:

Everything started to change when my training began...more exactly, when I met my teacher...

I think you should replace the ellipsis there with a full stop. It'd flow better then.

That's the three sentences that tripped me up a bit.

Moving on, I love your writing style, it seemed like a modern Jane Austen, sort of. It has a very charming feel to it.

I'd like to read more of this. Keep the beautiful writing up!