Chapter One
Love. Like anyone actually knows what it means. Sure, they think they do, but really? It’s the stars, they tell you, – that queasy feeling you get at the pit of your stomach, and my personal favorite – it’s the way your heart skips a beat every time he’s around. You want to know what I think about that? Bullshit! Frankly, the stars are getting tired of being associated with anything and everything the over active human brain comes up with. That queasy feeling? Oh please, I get that every time I eat something bad…come to think of it, how long did I let that sandwich sit? Anyway, like I was saying – oh yes, the frequent skipping of the heart. Personally, if your heart skips a beat every time a dude comes around, you’re either suffering from Hbp or your head just isn’t screwed on right. No offense. But you try explaining this to my best friend Liz as she rants on about this guy she’s dating. His name’s supposed to be Max or something. And truthfully, if I’m hearing right, this guy’s a total tool. But of course Liz wouldn’t know that, because Liz never listens to anything I say.
“Kat! Are you listening?” Why wouldn’t I? with you yelling in my ear.
“Of course I’m listening, you were talking about Max-“
“Paul” Liz corrected obviously peeved.
Whatever. “Right” I said. Okay, so I wasn’t exactly paying attention, but can you blame me? This has been my life/ routine for the past 25 years. Wake up – Liz, brush my teeth – Liz, breakfast – Liz, go to work – Liz. Okay, so it doesn’t exactly help that Liz is my roommate / twin sister. Cause’ in my case, that means Liz 24/7. Don’t get me wrong, I love Liz, besides the twin sister thing, she’s also the one person I can stand being around for more than three seconds, without the occasional feeling of committing suicide. Which come to think of it, sounds very appealing right now.
“So, tonight they’ll pick us up at 7” She said, and I thought typical Liz, set a date wi – wait a minute! Did she just say us?
“Um, Liz, what d’you mean us?”
Liz flipped her hair in that Liz way she does every time she’s uncomfortable and said, “You know, I just told you”
Bullshit. She set me up. Literally.
“No, you didn’t just tell me.” I said trying to keep calm. “So why don’t you enlighten me?”
“Oh come on, it’s just one date!” She said stubbornly. Well two can play that game.
“No” I said firmly.
“Can’t you just do this for me?” She pleaded stubbornly. What part of no doesn’t she understand?
“For you? Definitely no!” I said standing my ground, there was no way I was going to go out with one of Liz’s loser guys.
“Oh come on, Kat, Max is a really nice guy” Ah ha! I knew there had been a Max person involved somewhere. “Please…” she added pouting.
I stopped to check out of Wal-Mart, where Liz and I work part time on weekdays. Well that’s when I’m not listening to all her crap, that is.
“I’ll stand in for you for three days if you go on this date” She tried to negotiate. Cheap shot.
“Absolutely not” I replied. That really was a cheap shot. I’d pick this lousy job over some sloppy guy any day, any-
“A week” She offered. That did it, but not yet, if she’s willing to give a week…she’ll have no problem with two or maybe even three.
“Still no” I said stopping outside the shop.
“Two, last offer” Liz said firmly, obviously catching on to my game.
“Make it three and you’ve got yourself a deal”
“Deal” She said and cupped my hands, “Well only because I’m so sure you’re going to love Max” She smiled triumphantly. “You’re so…. Going to lose”
“Hmm…” I said quite bemused. But give me a break here, I was struggling to not laugh out in her face. Because like it or not, I actually knew how the date was going to turn out. This Max person or whatever, he’d ruin it all. Yeah sure, he’d try to pretend like it doesn’t really bother him. After all, he doesn’t want to appear a total dusch bag. But an hour later, and he’d suddenly come down with something. And being the “gentleman” that he is, he doesn’t want to infect me – just in case “he’s contagious.” Yeah right! But I wasn’t going to tell Liz that. And you’d think she would have noticed all these years? Well. Let’s just say that my size one Jessica Alba look-alike of a sister still can’t come to the realization that I’m not such a boy magnet anymore. And why you might ask?
Well, cause’ now….I’m fat.
Chapter Two
Okay. So I know taking advantage of Liz like that wasn’t very nice. But come on, I’ve been taking her crap for the last 25 years. But nonetheless, I still feel bad. Yep, I have a conscience, shoot me. But I’ve figured it out. Yeah, all I have to do is actually try, as in, I already know how this date is going to turn out, but I don’t have to show it! Get it? Anyway, so that explains why I’m getting my hair done at SUZIE’s. I’ve got a facial lined up, and I’m even thinking of buying a new dress. Yeah when I get guilty, I really get guilty. My mom thinks it’s a characteristic of fat people, you know, the whole sweeter than life attitude? Only problem is I’m a new member of the “I used to be skinny but now I’m fat club”. My dad thinks…well he pretty much doesn’t talk anymore. He just sits and watches…really. And my brother Alan, well let’s just say he thinks that fat people just need to smile more…hmph, like that would solve the impending world war three problems. After meeting my family you’d understand why Liz is the only person out of my family that I can stand being around for more than three seconds. And seeing my current predicament, they’ve all taken it upon themselves to meddle in my life, like they’re afraid I’m going to die alone or something. Shallow, I know. And although I know they only meddle cause’ they care, sometimes, I kind of wish they would care a little less. Especially when mom calls me five times in a week to check on what she calls “the relationship status”. I blame technology actually, one experience with facebook and suddenly the woman acts like she’s a kid in a freaking candy store! Someone tell her there’s tooth decay, and no such thing as a tooth fairy. Besides that, if I’m not in relationship on Monday, I’m sure as hell not going to be in a relationship on Tuesday! I mean, these things take time. But of course my dear mother, is yet to understand that. Blocking out my totally dysfunctional family, I’m still here at SUZIE’s, which is this small but super chic salon down the road at MACY’s. Usually, I’d hate places like this, mainly because every time someone like me walks in, there’s the occasional body-check, then the upperclass size one bitch smirk. Don’t get me wrong, its not like I have anything against size ones. I just don’t understand why a girl can’t have a chocolate doughnut without getting a nod of disapproval. Seriously, who died and made them weight checkers? ‘Brghh!’
Oh yeah. Totally forgot my phone was ringing. I look around to see the visible frowns on the other customers faces. Unbelievable, even the door boy is giving me the look. Talk about rude customer-service.
“Hello, mom” I said into the receiver.
“Kat! What’s up girlfriend?” Mom peeped excitedly.
Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that mom is totally having a mid-life crisis? Why else would she call me “girlfriend?” If you ask me I think it’s a reaction to dad’s new “quiet mode.” You know what they say, if you can’t have the cake, take the apple? Well it’s something like that anyway.
“Mom, what d’you want? I’m kind of in the middle of something here”
“Yeah, Liz-girl told me about the big date tonight” Liz-girl is what mom calls Liz. It started out as a joke but a few years down the road and it stuck. Of course Liz completely hates it, which makes me love it even more. “Are you excited?”
I almost want to laugh as I say, “Yeah, very.”
“Great! Cause’ we’ve got this really great dress for you to wear” Oh-oh. I’m about as freaked out as anyone who’d ever had their mom pick out a dress for them. If you’re thinking yikes! My thoughts exactly.
“…So I’ll just drop it off at the Sasha tonight”
“Sure mom. Bye” I said and hanged up before she could break into a monologue on dating do’s and don’ts. I’m not kidding. It’s not like I haven’t been on dates before or anything. I have, and I know all the rules about dating and relationships. Okay, maybe not all. I mean come on, most of these rules are just plain ridiculous! I mean, “always flip your hair and smile every time your date asks you a question?” I don’t know about you but if I were on a date with you, I’d think you were either having a serious case of head lice, which would explain the constant hair flipping. Or you were just too dumb to answer my question. Come to think of it, I guess that would explain why I haven’t exactly had a date in the last four years. But I can’t be that bad, really. I mean, I must have done something right, I mean Patrick seemed to think so. Then again, Patrick used to think a lot of things. You know how people sometimes say that there’s like one person who gets you, and they’re like your soul mate? Patrick was that for me.
Hmm. Patrick. Did I forget to mention I was engaged?
Chapter Three
Okay. Confession time. I have been in love before. Yes, even me snotty-little-miss-know-it-all, has at a point in time been a victim of the love bug. But that doesn’t really change my view that love stinks, actually, it kind of enforces it. And the thing is, all I can pretty much say about it is that when I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair, and sometimes his name’s Patrick. But I don’t want to get into that now. Yes, where was I? Oh, the date tonight. Mom kept true to her word, when I got back to The Sasha – that’s my apartment. So I name my apartments, people name their cars…really, not so weird. So the dress is sprawled on the couch. Black. Big surprise there. I pick up the note attached to it.
“Have fun tonight, love Mom” it reads. What is it with skinny people thinking black hides fat? Trust me if your ass looks like you’ve been having one too many trips to the dessert table, a tiny black dress won’t do anything for you, if you’re having trouble believing that - just ask JLo. I picked up the dress and made my way to my bedroom, where I carefully placed it in my secret stash of “Never going to happen.” Satisfied, I moved over to my “real” closet and just stood there staring with a huge kiddo smile on my face.
“Uh-uh. No way” Liz said from the door. And there goes my kiddo smile. “There’s no way you’re wearing one of those to your date tonight.” See? Liz 24/7.
“Shoot me, because that is the only way you’re going to get what you want” I said firmly.
“That can be arranged” She replied stepping into the room. “Seriously.” Knowing Liz, once she starts playing hard ball, you can’t win.
“I’m going on this date, because you wanted me to, don’t I at least get to choose my own outfit?” I wined pouting.
“Hmm” Liz said like she was actually pondering over what I’d just said, moving back and forth in my room, which was really driving me crazy.
“Fine. You win” I said and fell back on my bed. “You take all the fun out of dating” I wined.
Liz laughed and joined me on the bed, “Well what are sisters for?”
“Besides making your life a living hell? Great you do more than that. You should come with a manual or something” Liz bursts into laughter even though I’m pretty sure I wasn’t joking about the manual thing, seriously. But I can’t help but start laughing too, because this is one of the things I love about Liz…that she doesn’t always take me so seriously.
We got silent just staring at the ceiling, and in that moment, I realized how at peace I was. I hadn’t felt that in five years.
“Kat” Liz said, “It gets better you know”
I smiled, but I didn’t say anything back. Even if I wanted to say it really doesn’t, I couldn’t. Because I was crying. Liz didn’t know that, even I didn’t know that until my eyelids felt heavy.
“You’re going to find someone to love you, for you” Liz said with great conviction.
I smiled again, but this time I thought, “what if I don’t?” but instead I jumped up and disappeared into the bathroom. I didn’t want Liz to know I was crying, because if she did, then she’ll know. She’ll know that the day Patrick left, I discovered I was two months pregnant.
Chapter Four
When I think of all the possible worst dates in the history of worst dates, nothing comes close to this- trust me! First of all, this Max person showed up at my doorstep and the first thing I noticed was his size. Surprise, surprise there! Set up the fat girl with the fat loser guy. Then I noticed what he was wearing – a suit, a bright yellow suit. Really, who wears that anymore? Anyone above the age of eight, that is. I muttered a quick hi and for some reason Maxi-boy decided to give me a kiss on the hand. No! No! No! Let me just clear the air on that boys, unless you’re a Chace Crawford or Robert Pattinson look-alike, then it just comes off as spitting on the hand – really. You ought to understand my frustration after that, but I didn’t exactly have a choice here. So I sucked it up and went on the date with loser Max (oh, kind of has a ring to it, doesn’t it?). Luckily for me, the one thing you could count on about big guys was a hearty appetite. Which meant I didn’t have to pretend to hate food on this date. Win! The conversation to the restaurant, was casual but a bit too awkward for even me. He said the usual, “…heard so much about you, …glad we’re finally doing this” stuff. Which I cleverly replied with a nod. Okay, give me a break here! It’s one date, I didn’t plan on marrying the guy!
“So what do you do?” He asked. And for the next minute I thought, geez, for someone who’s supposedly heard so much about me, you sure do know nothing about me.
“Retail” I replied, “at Wal-Mart” I added, “you?” I asked, even though I really could care less, but it was polite, so.
“I work at Charlie’s” He answered quite smugly.
“Charlie’s?”
He smiled a full smile for the first time that night, revealing either a missing tooth or really bad dental work.
“You know, the body parts shop” A mechanic! At least that explains the greasy smell – and the monkey suite. At that point, I’d pretty much had enough of the date and I was ready to bolt. But then we got to the restaurant – The Chez, which was like my favorite restaurant ever! So, all I was thinking was not bad for a mechanic…and maybe I had misjudged him.
“How did you find this place?” I asked him once we were seated at our table. He looked quite flustered for a while, then in a completely surprising move, he took my hand- Yuck! His palms were sweaty.
“Look” he said, “You seem really nice, beautiful really. But the truth is if we’re going to make this work-“ He smiled and continued, “you and me, then you need to be completely honest with each other – starting with this date. The truth is, this isn’t really me, it’s just your sister’s idea”
Hmmm. I didn’t realize I was holding my breathe, that felt really good. Now I ws expecting him to magically change into his real self because I thought that any guy who loved The Chez couldn’t possibly –
“If you ask me, I’m more of a burger and fries type of guy. You know, a little McDonalds, some Popeyes and even an occasional KFC. So what do you say? How about we get out of here to a more appropriate place?”
I’d basically sat there through loser Max’s monologue, my mouth agape, its really a wonder I didn’t swallow a fly. But anyway, when he was done, I grabbed my purse and ran out of there as fast as I could, screaming like a baby! Okay, let’s face it, even I am not that crazy. So instead I said,
“Can I please be excused?”
He smiled again, and that’s when I realized it wasn’t toothless or bad dental work…it was both! “Sure, take your time”
And that ladies and gentlemen, was the last time I ever saw loser Max…well hopefully.
So I left the restaurant as quickly as possible and hitched a taxi – only to realize I didn’t have any money on me. I know what you’re thinking, but forgive me for thinking I could have at least lasted through one stupid date. But I had a plan. I told the taxi driver to stop in front of a building, and then…I ran. I ran so fast I made it three blocks off only to trip on my heels and fall flat in a pool of mud. Don’t say it! Don’t say it! Yeah, I know karma. But you try running three blocks in heels! Anyway, so around that time, I started thinking straight and I figured it was probably better to go back to the taxi, and just pay when I got home. I picked myself up, took my broken heel and started my shameful walk back to the cab. As I walked, I figured this wasn’t so bad. After all, it was quite late which meant less people around, so at least I still had my dignity intact. Then! Then, it started raining. After that, I’d pretty much had enough, and I yelled to the Fates.
“If you insist on ruining my life, you could at least be a little more original! Raining on the sappy girl who just had a crappy date is so the past last century!”
I must have pissed papa Fates or mama Fates off or something because the next thing I knew, lightning struck…then everything went black.
Chapter Five
"Katherine"
"Kat, come on, wake up"
Hellooo! I'm sleeping here, I mean can't a girl just rest in peace?
"Katherine, sweetheart, come on wake up"
Wait, a minute, am I in Heaven? But why is it so dark here? Great! So much for spending $100 on the "What Heaven looks like" Conference! Like seriously, who just lies about something like that?
"Sweetheart, come on, wake up. Open your eyes!" Really. People just have no respect for the phrase "Rest in peace" anymore!
"Katherine!" The annoying voice yelled.
"Geez, mom, will you chill, already?" I answered automatically, fluttering my eyes open, only they were way too tired to budge.
"See, no harm done. She's fine" I heard mom say in a - wait a minute! Is she flirting?
"Thank God, I was starting to worry" And that is definitely not dad's voice. Ugh! That two - timer!
"We really don't know how to thank you" That's Liz! Can't she tell mom is totally flirting with that guy?
"No, please, don't thank me, its the least I could do, really."
"I still can't believe Kat kept you a secret from us" Liz said and still half-asleep I could tell she's a bit peeved. But I really don't know what secret their talking about.
"Who knew my Kat was seeing someone, let alone dating them" Mom said in that proud mama voice of hers. Wait! Did she say date and me in the same sentence? I mean no...come on, the last date I had been on was - oh no! Loser Max! I figt myself awake, loser Max can't be allowed to get away with - What the hell?
"Oh look, sleepy head is already awake!" Mom said running her hands through my hair.
"You had us quite worried" She said, "especialy David here" She added mischevously. Who the hell is David?
"Hi, honey" "David" said taking my hand, "I'm glad you're okay"
I eyed him squarely, then I saw my hands, then I eyed the ring squarely! What the hell was going on?! I was freaking out! Seriously freaking out!
"What is that on my hand?" I shrieked out. No! no! no! that can't be an engagement ring!
"That's your funky munky ring" Mom answered. My what? Mom came closer looking at me really weirdly, "Don't you remember?" I looked at mom, then Liz and the David person, they were looking at me weirdly.
"Ah...yeah" I swallowed, "Of course I remember" I lied. But give me a break here, they were freaking out, which was really freaking me out. But in my defense, I just woke up from being hit by lighting! They all acted like a huge weight had just been lifted off them, which only made me crazy! That's the effect of a lie told to make people feel better. They feel great, whilst the guilt eats you up.
"How are you feeling?" David asked. I licked my lips, suddenly feeling the urge for some make up. "Fine" I said. But you can't really blame me here, I mean look at the guy! No wonder even mom was flirting with him. "Thanks, but ah....who are you?" I asked awkwardly feeling every eye basically on me.
Mom chuckled awkwardly and hit my head, "You silly child, what d'you mean who's that? Why that's your boyfriend David"
My what? That's not loser Max!
"Sweetheart, are you sure you're okay?" Define okay. "Maybe I should call the doctor to check you out" You think? I looked over at Liz who was pretty much Silent Em looking at her feet.
"Liz, d'you mind telling me what's going on here?" Liz looked up quizzically then ran off. What ever happened to all that that's sisters are for bullshit?
"Oh dear, seeing you like this might be eating her up, I better go check on her" Mom said and started to heard out. "Yes! I mean no!" Then I stopped to think first, "Okay" Liz really did look messed up. Mom left after planting a kiss on my forehead, then it was David and I.
David who I was pretty sure I'd never met before, who did I forget to mention is insanely hot? But besides that, none of that made any sense what-so-ever to me. I didn't know this David guy and suddenly he was my boyfriend?
I mean I'm not saying I have amnesia or anything, but even if I did, I seriously doubt I'd ever forget a guy like this. I mean just look at him! Sea-blue yes, dark, rich brown hair, that firm face, that super hot body! Which is pretty evident even though he's in a suit. He's a total hunk!
And let's face it, the last guy I dated was...let's not even go there okay?, but only as a rebound for Patrick. Patrick! Where's Patrick?!
"Where's Patrick?" I asked David, who I could have sworn looked like he had just seen a ghost!
"Patrick?" He asked his face ashen.
"Yeah, you know, my fiance?" David looked like he was about to collapse as he held onto my bed for support, I think.
"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, maybe telling him, I was engaged wasn't such a good idea. "Should I call the doctor?" I offered.
David looked at me like I was crazy then also ran out.
Great! Another person rans out!
I was starting to feel like I had BO or something.
Chapter Six
Chapter Six
“Okay, Katherine, I’m going to need you to answer a few questions, okay?” Dr. Carson said.
“Kat” I corrected perhaps a bit too harshly. But can you blame me? One minute I’m lying down watching ER re-runs and the next Dr. Carson swoops in followed by crazy mom, silent Liz and super hot David all panting like they’d just ran a marathon or something, and worse, they were all looking at me like I was crazy! Did I mention I hate that? Crazy people looking at me like I’m the crazy one.
“Okay, Kat, what day is today?” Dr. Carson asked, as he took some notes.
“September 15th 2010” I answered catching mom’s frantic look.
“Can you please mention your full name?” Are you kidding me? Didn’t we just do the “Kat” thing?
“Katherine Wilson” I said, just before I heard mom gasp loudly almost like…yep, she’s crying!
“She forgot her middle name! Oh My God! She’s got amnesia” Mom wailed. You see what I said about my family?
“Relax, Mrs. Wilson” Dr. Carson said reassuringly as Liz went over to calm mom.
“Come on, let’s get you a glass of water” Liz said helping mom up.
“No.” Mom gulped, “my baby needs me, Kat, honey, I’m not going anywhere” She said hysterically. Talk about smothering.
“I’m okay mom, really.” I said with a smile.
“This morning she didn’t remember her funky-chunky ring. Oh my God! What have I done? I should have seen the signs they were all there!” She wailed on.
I really should say something now, but I’m so dumbfounded by what is playing out in front of me that I can barely speak! And judging by the look on David and Dr. Carson’s face…(my family has that effect on people) they are too.
“Okay, I’m going to have to ask you all to leave, please, now” Dr. Carson said. Hgh! Finally.
“What-“
“Just until the examination is over” Dr. Carson cut in.
“Come on, how about I get you some food at the cafeteria” David offered. Yay! My hero. You know if I were single I’d definitely consider him. Oh who am I kidding, I am now.
“Well, okay” Mom said wiping her tear stained face, taking David’s hand as he led her out.
“Thanks” I mouthed to him. He smiled and left. My face felt suddenly hot…really hot, did I mention he has the perfect set of 32? Hmm.
“Okay” Dr. Carson said, once they’d all left. “Now where were we?”
“Oh, let’s see previously on the Brady Bunch, mama Brady left tear stained as baby Brady fought to keep her dignity intact” I joked.
Dr. Carson laughed, “They’re really not that bad”
“You don’t live with them”
He giggled, “I suppose”
“You don’t think I have amnesia do you?”
“Well, it’s too early to say anything concrete, perhaps after the examination, we’ll know” He replied.
“Okay” I said.
“Okay, can you tell me about your family?”
“Oh, where to begin…I have a twin sister Liz and a brother Alan and my parents, that’s pretty much it.”
“Very good. Can you tell something about them”
Well Kat is crazy, Alan is weird, Mom is well…let’s not even go there and dad is…dad. You know what, scratch that…forget the Brady Bunch, how about the spin-off, The Crazy Weird Bunch?
“Okay, um, Liz works and I work at Fashion Tale, dad lost his job a couple of years back, mom works her own bakery and Alan is in first year junior High”
He looked quite muffled, then jotted down a few notes. I was starting to feel like one of those awful characters in those awful amnesiac movies…ah, what was that one called again? Oh yeah, 50 first dates.
“David said you mentioned a Patrick, that’s he’s your fiancé?”
“Yeah, we’ve been together for 9 years now”
Dr. Carson looked at me weirdly then jotted something down. “Right, and you too are still um, dating?”
I’m pretty sure I just said that. “Yeah”
Dr. Carson writes something again, then moves closer. “Okay, now let me understand this, you and Patrick are together, about to get married”
I’m starting to think this guy has a hearing problem. “Yes”
“Then why were you on a date three nights ago?” He asked.
Aha! So that’s what this was about. I opened my mouth to answer, but… I just didn’t know.
“Do you know why?” Dr. Carson asked. Am I that transparent?
“Perhaps to make Patrick jealous?” I offered, but trust me, it didn’t even make any sense to me…and I was, well me.
“Right, but why would you need to do that, if you and Patrick are about to get married?”
I’m silent. I’m freaking out, really freaking out this time. Because I don’t know, I really don’t know!
“Maybe we had a fight?”
“No” Dr. Carson said. I held myself, feeling a wave of dizziness kick in.
“Why no? it’s not so abnormal, couples fight all the time” I fought back, I was losing it.
“I’m well aware of that Kat, but this isn’t the case” Right, now he gets my name right.
“Then what is the case?” I asked hysterically, okay, keep calm Kat.
“Okay, you need to help me out here, What happened three nights ago”
“I…ah…I don’t know” Shit. This is serious! Shit.
“But you said you went on a date” Dr. Carson stated.
“I did, yesterday, not three days ago”
“Okay, Kat, I’m going to ask you again, what day is today?”
“I already told you September 15th 2010” I couldn’t have…could I?
“Okay, can you tell me what you did the previous day…September 14th?”
“I went on a date”
“Okay, before that”
“I…” Shit. I can’t remember. Come on Kat, you have to remember, come on, come on. Ah! “I..” Shit.
“You what?”
“I don’t know”
Dr. Carson picked up his phone and dialed a number, “Hey, it’s Dr. Carson, I need you to schedule an x-ray right away….In the next fifteen minutes” He said looking at his watch. “Okay” He hanged up.
“What is going on?” I said freaking out…Oh who am I kidding, I was past freaking out!
“I just need to take a scan” Dr. Carson said calmly.
“What for? I’m okay, you can see yourself I’m fine” I’m shaking…why am I shaking?!
“Calm down Kat, its only procedure”
“For what?” I yelled.
“Okay, please calm down”
“How will I if you won’t tell me what is wrong with me?”
“I could be wrong, I don’t want to jump into any conclusions too fast”
“About what?” “Could you please just tell me here?”
Dr. Carson, “You might have anterograde amnesia, but like I said its too early to make any assumptions”
“Don’t you think you’re getting a little carried away here? I mean I got struck by lightning, surely that’s got to have some side effects”
“That’s the problem, I’m afraid this is a little more than a side effect”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying a side effect would be a cardiac arrest or brain damage, but judging by the examination I did earlier today, you’re very much well, at least physically. Which could only mean brain damage, but if I’m right then your brain seems to be functioning well, except your memory, that is”.
“So I can’t remember what happened three days ago, big whoop. Most people can’t even remember their own birthdays”
Dr. Carson sighed, “Patrick, you mentioned Patrick and your impending marriage”
“Yes, what’s wrong with that?”
“Patrick died four years ago” Dr. Carson said.
Then again, most people aren’t engaged to their dead boyfriends.
Fade to black, really.
Chapter Seven
“Hey”
“Hey”
“Mind if I-“
“No, come in” I said sitting up.
“How are you feeling?” David asked as he walked into my room and sat on my bed.
Lost. Confused. Annoyed. Angry. Sad. Heartbroken. Where to begin? “Okay” I said.
“Good okay, or I feel like crying okay or on punching someone okay?”
I smiled, “I didn’t know there were so many interpretations of okay”
“Well, probably not, but knowing you, trust me there are many”
I laughed. He actually made me laugh.
“So which one is it?” He asked.
“Probably the second or the third” I answered.
“Well” He said taking my hand, “If you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m right here, and to punch, well I could definitely arrange for that as well”
“I’m sorry” I said.
“For what?”
“Where to begin…not knowing you, being amnesiac…everything”
“That’s hardly anything to apologize for, it’s not your fault”
“Oh, but I think it is” Am I? Oh my God.
“Hey, come here” David said taking me in his arms, “It’s okay, you’re going to get better, I promise. Look at me, you’re going to get better.”
I brushed away my tears, “What if I don’t, what if for the rest of my life I’m stuck being like this, feeling this pain like I can’t go on, like I need to breathe and I can’t breathe because Patrick isn’t here, he’s…he’s dead”
“Shh. It’s okay. You’re going to be fine, I know you are, just…breathe”
Breathe. Is it possible to forget how to breathe?
I pulled back and swallowed, “Sorry”
“You really need to stop saying that”
“It’s just, me putting this on you like this…it’s not fair”
David sat up, then got up, a thoughtful look on his face. “Yeah, you’re right.”
I swallowed, “Okay, so um, I understand if you want to go and not come back” Okay, I know that I’m in love with Patrick, but why am I silently hoping that David doesn’t decide to leave?
“No” He said smiling then sat back down, “No, that’s not what I meant. I mean, you just found out that someone you love is dead, it’s not exactly fair on my part to put our relationship on you like this”
What? “Ah…right”
“So what do you say, we just be friends now…at least until you’re better”
“Okay” I nodded. Selfish bitch. I hate myself.
“Okay” He smiled, looking at me. Then…um, ah…are we having a moment?
“Do you know what I absolutely love about you?”
I shook my head, because for some reason I felt nauseated when I tried to speak.
“The way you get this calm look on your face when you’re on one of your Kat Wilson special voiceover edition in your head”
My what? Why is everything so blurry? Gosh! I want to lie down… “…yeah” I feebly responded.
“Hey, are you okay? You don’t look too good”
Ah…I’m sweating? Gross. “I um, I’m…ah, I just…blghhhhhh!” It comes out even before I could stop it! Oh no! did I just puke all over David?
* * * *
“I really am sorry about this, she usually never does anything like this” Mom frantically explained to David, like she was trying to save my relationship – friendship or something. “Well, not like never, obviously, I mean she is human after all”
Please stop talking. “It’s just that well, you know, usually it comes out from the other side” Are we seriously talking about my gas!?!
“Gosh! Mom!”
“Oh come on sweetheart, it really is quite normal”
“Please! Can we please just drop this?!” I fumed. I was seriously getting tired of the crazy bunch.
“Oh, yeah, sure honey” Mom said embarrassed. Okay maybe I yelled too much.
“Sorry David” She apologized, “It’s just that she can get really touchy when it comes to-“
“Ugh! Did we just not do this?!” I cut in.
“Come on, sweetheart, I was just trying to explain to David here that you-“
“Out! Just please shut up or get out!” Ugh! The nerve of that woman.
“What? You can’t order your own mother out, David you tell her, do you have any idea what’s its like to carry someone in your womb for 9 months? I have loved you unconditionally all these years”
Way to go Kat, now she’s going to break into the “you’re an ingrate and I’m the world’s best mom” monologue.
“You have no idea, how it is, you get fat, everything gets fat, even your feet, you can’t even walk by a doughnut without wanting to stuff your face. You get ugly, and your husband won’t even look at you anymore…oh no, he just spends all his time on ESPN”
“And most people describe pregnancy as a beautiful thing” I said flatly.
“I’m pretty sure that’s childbirth” David joked.
“Oh and don’t remind me of that, Liz comes out, then I have to wait for you to come out too, the most excruciatingly painful moment of my life” Mom ranted.
“Geez mom, thanks, I can already feel the love.”
David burst out laughing, putting the focus on him.
“I’m sorry” He apologized through muffled laughter. Mom obviously had no clue how pissed off I was at her and decided that was the time to comment on David glorious laughter.
Oh please mom, like the first thing I want to talk about is how perfect his laughter is. You know, like the soft yet dark rich laughter. The way his mouth looks so soft and sort of like breaks into a smug grin even when he pulls a poker face. Oh and those yes, those dreamy blue, oh so blue, like the oc- Okay Kat, let’s focus here! Oh yes, his lips…No! The other thing! Right, right, the other thing…oh who am I kidding, I’m perfectly happy imagining that dreadfully gorgeous hands on me, and those firm soft lips just-
“And how’s my favorite patient doing today?” Dr. Carson said as he walked in. Talk about rude interruption.
“Good” I said. Kill joy.
“So do you want the good news or the bad news?”
Mom and David surrounded me, pokerfaced.
“I’m guessing the bad?” Really who wants bad news?
“Okay, you do have anterograde amnesia” Dr. Carson said
English please. “Which means you can’t remember events before a specific event, which in your case is your date with Max, and the linking point being your relationship with Patrick. So from your that point to the date has been lost, at least temporarily.”
“So I can’t remember, the last four years of my life?”
“I’m afraid so, but like I said its only temporary but it could be long term…if you don’t take it easy. Situations like this usually require long hospital stays for progress reports, but I can just tell that you’re itching to get out of here, and David assures me he’s going to have you here each day for a check-up”
“So…?”
“Which brings me to the good news. The nurses are getting your things together, and you can leave whenever you’re ready”
“Yes! Thank you, thank you so much” I said happily.
“No need to thank me, I was glad I could help” Dr. Carson said.
“Thanks David” He really was my hero.
“Ah, glad I could help” He said with a smile.
“Hey, David do you think I could talk to you for a second outside?” Dr. Carson asked, as mom packed my things.
“Sure” David said and headed out with Dr. Carson.
“Thanks” David said.
“You’re welcome, but do me a favor. Next time, no bullshit. You have to tell her the truth”
“I know, I will, just not now”
“You realize you have the key to making her better”
“Right now, I’d say that’s debatable”
Dr. Carson sighed, “whatever” And walked off.
David came back into the room, looking a tad disheveled.
“What was that about?” I asked.
“He just wanted to make sure I didn’t forget any of your appointments”
“He didn’t have to do that, I’m a grown woman, I can take care of myself”
“I know, I just like to take care of you”
I smiled, “Thanks”
“Now, I’m starting to think your next favorite word after sorry is thanks”
I laughed, “I was just being polite”
“Oh so that wasn’t a heartfelt thank you?” He teased.
“You’re impossible” I teased back.
“I know” He said staring me in the eye, “It’s one of the things you love about me”
Oh. I swallowed.
Chapter eight
“Is this really necessary?” I asked Dr. Carson as mom helped me into a wheelchair.
“It’s hospital policy” He replied.
“To look decapitated as I leave here? I’m confused, I thought hospitals were supposed to make you better?”
“Katherine, behave” Mom scolded.
“Kat, mom, Kat.”
“Now don’t forget you need to take things easy for the next couple of days, you don’t want to do anything which might cause you to lose your memory forever”
“Right. We definitely don’t want that.” I said, sparing a glance at mom.
“What are you looking at me for?” Mom asked peeved.
“Oh for what possible reason?” Except I could swear you give me a heart attack everyday.
This really is the last thing that I need. First my sister sets me up on the worst date in the entire history of worst dates…oh who am I kidding it belongs in the Guinness World Book Records. Then I get struck by lightning, wake up with amnesia, a dead fiancé and a hot boyfriend. Is it just me or this just sounds like a bad episode of 90210? Minus the hormonal teenagers and the bitchy cheerleaders. But if you ask me, mom could totally pass for the bitchy cheerleaders zapped into one. Okay, that was unnecessary. Sorry mom. Ugh! Unbelievable even in my mind, she still gets to me. Screwed up much?
The trip back home was in one word…hmmm, let’s see, TORTURE. Mom was yapping off as usual to David, it’s amazing how mom’s have this uncunning ability to get guys talking. Thirty minutes into the ride and I knew about David what most guys keep to themselves until at least the 50th year of marriage. I knew that he owned a shopping center, that he lives in New York and he’s an only child, that he liked look walks on the beach, even though he’s terrified of water, he hates flowers because they remind him of funerals and the most important one, he’s never been married…among others.
But I was a little too occupied with my own problems to take any keen interest. But judging by the look on mom’s face, it was pretty obvious that if she had a magic wand she would zap herself to 30 years younger and jump into David’s arms. He really did have that effect on people.
Nonetheless, I decided to keep my yap shut, because frankly I was physically and emotionally drained. Physically because well, I don’t know, I just got hit by lightning! And emotionally because well, I had the Patrick issue, David, and silent Liz. And to further complicate matters, I was dealing with some serious drama from my mom. You know contrary to popular belief, its not actually the teenagers who bring the drama. Oh no, You can always count of mothers to carry all the drama in the family, hence the term, mama-drama.
So anyway, when we finally got to the house, mom’s house, where I’d be bed-ridden until she drove me to suicide, I thought I saw Liz look through the window then wander off again. Did I forget to mention that after Liz ran out that day, she never visited again?
“Let me help you with that” David said as he opened my door for me.
“Thanks” I said, steadying myself.
David took my bags then we headed inside.
“Oh, wait a minute” Mom said stopping on the stop stair.
“What?” I asked, as she reached in her bag for something.
“Here, use some of that” Is that lip gloss.
“Why?”
“Oh, just do it, would you? You need to look presentable”
“For what?” I asked but mom rushes on and I have no choice but to follow with an equally bemused David.
“SURPRISE!” We hear the crowd cheer as we enter the house.
“Yay” I said in a high-pitched squeakily voice. Did I forget to mention that I absolutely hate surprises?
* * * * *
The party is still on-going, mom and dad are doing what they do best, embarrassing me, as usual. My brother Alan is doing a k-stand, David seems to have disappeared amidst the ruckus they choose to call party and Liz, well Liz is still M.I.A. I decided to look for her, since I wasn’t exactly having fun or anything. No, I had a killer headache on the other hand. So I looked pretty much everywhere for her, well except our childhood bedroom, so I headed there, only I ran into David on the stairs.
“He - what are you doing?” I asked as he stood up.
“It really is quite noisy in there, I just needed some peace and quiet”
“Tell me about it, so much for taking it easy”
David chuckled, “So what are you doing here? I mean I don’t usually go to these things but aren’t you supposed to be the belle of the ball or something?”
“Frankly, I’ve always been a tom boyish kind of girl, so I don’t know about the belle thing”
David laughed.
“It’s good to know that some things never change!” We both heard someone shout from further up the stairs and turned in that direction. You know how I said I was looking for Liz? Well, I found her.
“Please excuse me” I said to David then disappeared to look for my better half.
You know how in the scary movies just before the lead character stupidly enters a spooky place which from all indication says stay out? Well let’s just say, this feels pretty close to that. As I got closer to the room Liz and I shared as kids, things were just flying out of the- “whoosh!” That was close. Of course being twins, I immediately know what she’s up to…Liz is redecorating. Which is a Liz term for throwing things out which only happens when Liz is mad…super mad.
“Stupid-idiot-foolish, ugh!” I heard Liz say. “I just want to ugh!” She rambled on in anger as she tore our room to shreds.
“Ah…Liz?” I beckoned from the door.
“Go away!” She yelled back.
“Ah, I would, but seeing as I was just about to take a nap and you practically overturned my bed, I really don’t think its possible” I replied and waited…Nothing. Not even a smile. Liz always laughed at my jokes even when she was super mad…well, except when she was mad at me.
“Are you angry with me?” I asked dumbfounded.
“Angry, you said? How about appalled, surprised, betrayed, shocked at you” Liz replied.
“Well that would make two of us” I said, then silently wished I hadn’t. Did I do something I didn’t remember?
“I’m sorry” I apologized, “It was a joke, a really bad joke”
“And that’s the problem with you isn’t it? Everything is all fun and games for Kat Wilson, even if someone gets hurt”
“Okay, what are you talking about?” I was seriously starting to think she was on crack or something.
“I’m talking about your kid!”
Hahahaha. She really has lost it. “The child you had for Patrick”
“What child? Liz you’re being crazy right now, I didn’t have any child for Patrick”
“Oh no? Then tell me this Kat, why was it in your diary?”
“You’re crazy, I didn’t have Patrick’s child, I have no idea what you’re talking about!”
“All this time, Oh my God, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before, you going away, when you came back, the weight gain, the sudden weird behavior about babies. How could I have been so stupid. It all makes sense now.”
“Okay, really, Liz you’re going crazy, for the 100th time, I didn’t have Patrick’s baby.”
“Oh cut the bull, Kat, I know you know exactly what I’m talking about, so don’t even try to tell me you can’t remember, because I have the date of the diary entry right here, you and Patrick weren’t even engaged yet. It was a whole week before that.” Liz exclaimed. “Oh my God, is that why Patrick asked you to marry him? And what when he died you gave his baby away?”
“Shut up!” I yelled, even before I felt the words leave my lips. “You don’t know anything!” I fought back my tears. “You don’t…” I swallowed, the tears spilling. I looked at Liz, someone who I loved, always loved, but at that moment couldn’t stand to be around. If there is such a thing as a thin line between love and hate, then I think Liz and I just crossed that line.
I ran out of the room, out of the house and just kept walking. I didn’t know where I was going, the truth is I didn’t have anywhere to go. But I knew that I couldn’t stay in that house, not today, not for a while. Because… because the thing is I might have amnesia but I still remember what Liz was talking about. But she had it wrong. I didn’t give my baby away. I loved him too much to do that, I carried him, for the whole nine months, but when Mason was born…he was a still baby.
I like your style of writing, as we get to follow "Kat" as she flips back and forth from being realistic to not. It's cool how in the beginning you have no clue how messed up everything really is and I love how you so smoothly involve other characters and then BAM... that ending! I don't have any complaints, I could see you didn't use a dictionary while writing because the language was quite simple and maybe a bit dull but the story each stanza told and the sarcasm and thought of "Kats" made it funny so... well! All I can say is; WELL DONE!
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