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Young Writers Society


The Stranger (Chapter 13)



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Fri Sep 02, 2011 2:59 am
Freakette says...



Awwww yeaaaahhh, chapter's got its own post.
xD
Thanks for the feedback so far, comment on this please? :D

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Something was wrong in this dream, very wrong. An atmosphere so thick with stress and indecision threatened to crush me. My own confusion only added to the tension, and in response a wave of frustration threatened to throw me to the ground. Wraith was nowhere to be found, yet I could feel so many of his emotions in the air. My confusion grew, only to be matched with an unruly fury.
There was no need for words here. No need for confrontation. Just emotion. I slammed back at the fury with my own irritation. Instead of the rage I expected, an overwhelming torrent of misery crushed me. Finally, one word echoed through my mind,
“Why?”
“…Why?”
Something shot past my head. When I turned to see what it was, I was shocked to see a dagger floating in the air. It turned around and flew back, and for a moment I truly thought that it was going to impale me, yet it stopped as soon as it touched me.
This was ridiculous. I was so tired of Wraith’s indecision that I wanted to die. A wicked idea flashed in my mind, and my hands slowly reached up for the dagger.
“Wraith… If you won’t kill me… I’ll finish the task for you.”
Grasping the dagger tightly, I pulled it back and drove it towards my heart. This was incredibly foolish of me, for I had no intention of stopping it. Time seemed to slow down for a moment, the dagger delaying itself from striking me. My mind grew hazy. And then, there were hands on my wrists. I couldn’t feel the dagger anymore, it seemed to have disappeared.
“I don’t know what to do…”
“A-allowing me to think… Clearly… Would be a good t-thing to do…” My words felt thick on my tongue, my head filled with a dull throbbing. Moments passed. It seemed like an eternity. Eventually, the hands on my wrist tightened, but the haze in my mind faded nonetheless. There was nothing but darkness all around me, but now it felt as if I was being moved. When I stopped moving, I was resting on something soft. I was shocked to know that the darkness had ended and my eyes fluttered open. We were in a bedroom, one decorated with black and red walls, and a rather large bed with red sheets. Black curtains hung from the only window. The furniture was black and elegantly detailed. Twisted pieces of sharp, black metal sat on one of the dressers. They looked like tools to cut things with. Half melted candles stood on the dresser as well, providing the only light in the room. Skulls sat in the corner of the room, broken and stained with age. A chain came off the wall above the headboard of the bed, ending in a pile on the floor. There was a leather collar attached to the mess of chains, connected by a padlock of some sort. This was a shock. Wraith had moved me in my sleep? My gaze was fixed on the skulls until I heard something rustle softly. Sitting upright, I turned towards the noise and my heart leapt into my throat as I watched Wraith remove his shirt.
“W-what the hell are you doing?”
He didn’t respond, instead he dropped his shirt and stretched his pair of wings. They cracked and popped as they stretched.
“Wraith…”
“Don’t speak.”
I swallowed the awful feeling I had and dared to open my mouth again, “What are-”
A powerful hand wrapped around my throat, Wraith now hovering over me, “I told you not to speak. Surely you heard me.”
My eyes were wide with fear. I could barely breath, Wraith’s grip on my neck was too tight. His eyes were hard and cold, no indecision left. Now they looked at me as if I was a different creature, a strange, inferior creature. Wraith’s head even slowly tilted to the side. Then he released me, stepped away and barked,
“Marb!”
A few moments passed before a short man waddled into the room, his bald head, bifocals and handle bar mustache surprising me. This man was the one Wraith had arrived with. I remembered the dream from the night I was taken to the doctor’s. Was he a demon as well…?
He chuckled, “No, Madam. I am not a demon. I am a goblin.”
Had he read my mind?
“Yes, I have.”
How rude!
“What’s rude about it?” Marb gave me a smug look, “I’m merely using a power I was gifted with. If you had your wings, you would be doing the same.”
My voice finally found strength, “I don’t need wings to use magick. And since when do goblins exist?”
Marb glanced at Wraith, “Since when did the Purity grow so… Amusing?”
Wraith chuckled, “I’m not sure. Annabelle… In that ridiculous book your angel friend gave you, did it have anything explaining what happens when angels don’t have their wings?”
My eyes dropped to the floor, “I-it may have mentioned it…”
“Pft. Did you, perhaps… Read it?”
I felt so vulnerable, “N-no…”
“Your angel didn’t tell you…?” Did he not like saying Kendell’s name?
“No…”
“Then you may find this information useful,” chuckling still, Wraith came closer and twirled a strand of my hair around his finger, “When an angel’s wings are locked away for some time, their magick is considerably less stable. Slower, yet somehow, not weaker.”
Blank. My mind was blank. Why didn’t any book have this information? Why didn’t Kendell tell me? After the feeling of betrayal had died down, rational thoughts reappeared. Perhaps he thought that something like this wouldn’t happen, that I could easily go through the last three weeks of being wingless without any interruption. He’s an idiot.
A short chuckle slipped through Marb. Of course he was listening to my thoughts. He smirked at me and looked up to Wraith, “Master… Why did you bring her here?”
Wraith froze, “I just want her here. I want Anzeleaz dead,” this was the first time he had spoken Kendell’s true name all night, and he made it sound like an awful curse, “and if she’s here, then he’ll probably come looking. That idiot could try all day and he couldn’t defeat me in my own home.” The evil in Wraith’s smile reminded me that he truly was a demon, no matter how much he claimed to regret it. Panic gripped me at the thought of Kendell being killed. Was I the idiot, for thinking I could possibly get close to this beast and change him?
Now Marb was laughing, “Excellent idea. But what of her? What will you do once Anzeleaz is gone?”
I grew timid under Wraith’s cold stare, “Absolutely nothing.”
“W-what?” A look of confusion crossed Marb’s scrunched face.
“Chain her there.”
Realization glinted in Marb’s eyes as Wraith handed him a small silver key. I began to move backwards in an attempt to get away from the goblin, only to fall to the floor. He grinned evilly and snapped his fingers. Confused, I tried to back up again but I was frozen. Another smug look appeared on his face as he casually picked up the collar, unlocked it and secured it around my neck. With another snap of his fingers, my body was able to move again and I lost balance. The floor greeted my face and I groaned, barely able to see Marb hand the key back to Wraith.
With as much concentration as I could gather, I found the golden specks and tried to form a spear of some kind behind Marb, one small enough to be hidden behind his back. When I tried to drive it through him, he jumped aside, the spear breaking as it smashed into the wall.
There was silence. I didn’t dare move, but I could feel annoyance radiating off of Wraith. It was just as strong as any emotion I could feel in my dreams. What was the meaning of this? Before there was nothing from him, he was hollow. Then, since that dream where he let me see a glimpse of his past, I could feel what he felt, but only in dreams. Now I could feel it in reality? Odd. Footsteps vibrated through the floor until a pair of hands roughly gripped my waist and tossed me onto the bed. Wraith glared at me before searching his pocket for what looked like a small ball of chocolate. Handing it to Marb, he walked towards the door.
“Give that to her,” was all that came out of his mouth before he left.
Sighing, Marb walked over to me and hopped up onto the bed. I pressed myself into the headboard as he walked forward. Snapping his fingers again, he held out the little ball,
“Eat.”
My body moved forward and took the ball, bringing it up to my mouth. Surprisingly, it was chocolate, but when I bit down, a vile tasting liquid burst out of it. Despite my horror, I swallowed and Marb released me from his hold with another snap of his fingers.
“What was that?” My face scrunched in disgust as the taste lingered on my tongue.
“Just a little something to relax you. We can’t have you trying to shoot rather pitiful arrows with what magick you have.”
Any response I wanted to say was forgotten when my head became slightly hazy. It took a bit of effort just to shift my weight from one arm to the other. I could still feel Marb’s gaze on me, and grew quite uncomfortable. I almost snapped at him before he grunted,
“Why does this have to happen?”
“What do you mean…?” I slumped against the headboard, feeling incredibly lazy.
“The master can kill anyone he pleases without a second thought, angel or human alike, but he just won’t kill you. I pity him.”
“Won’t?”
Marb sighed and sat down on the bed, “Yes. Won’t. Even though what life he has is at risk because he refuses to do something so simple.”
“Why does he refuse?” My hand managed to drift up to my face and rub my eye out of weariness.
“Well, to be vague, he’s rather caught up in his memories as an angel.”
My head managed to tilt to one side, “Oh… So why is his life being threatened?”
“Because,” Marb huffed as if he were speaking to an idiot, “his Lord wants you dead so he can have a greater chance at winning the war against God. The threats to end him are an attempt to intimidate him into killing you, but his Lord would never dare do so. My master is the most powerful archdemon in Hell at the moment. However…” His expression grew dark.
“However…?”
“…Unless you die before the war, Master will most likely be killed during it, or afterwards if he survives as punishment for failing his mission and the next most powerful archdemon will take his place. He’s too valuable for the war right now, however.”
I frowned, feeling guilty for causing trouble, “Why don’t you kill me right now?”
“Because he doesn’t want you to die. I am only loyal to him, not his Lord. Although if he just got it over with, it would save him quite the bit of trouble. Especially that fit of indecision he had. The man was torn between his memories and his duty,” rubbing his temple, Marb jumped off the bed and headed towards the door, “I can see now what he wants to do, but as they say, every choice has a consequence…” He waddled out the door, slamming it behind him.
“Every choice has a consequence…”
Apparently so… my choice to actually speak to Wraith progressed into a gigantic problem. Here I sat, kidnapped, in a dark room waiting for Kendell to find me. Just so Wraith could attempt to kill him. I convinced myself that Wraith wouldn’t be able to kill Kendell, but there was still an anxious feeling that came from the thought of it, especially considering Wraith could use his home to his advantage… God knows what he could have planned…
For hours, I sat in the room alone, unable to sleep through what was left of the night. By now the candles had gone out and darkness took over the entire room. The sun had yet to rise. I hugged my knees to my chest. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see the golden specks anymore. It was clearly the work of that ball I had eaten, but how long would its effects last?
I was so frightened.
There was silence throughout the entire house. Had Wraith and Marb left me completely alone here? I flinched as a low howl rang out from outside the house. Where was this place? Tears began to slip down my cheeks before I could stop them. In the corner of the room where the skulls were, pairs of red glowing dots began to shine through the darkness. In a panic, I ripped the sheets off the bed and buried myself under them, gripping them so tightly that my knuckles ached. My chest tightened, and for a rather long time I lay there, listening for anyone or anything that might be outside the room. The heat trapped under the sheets was unbearably uncomfortable, but I left them over my head regardless. I thought I heard the door open and froze. Then something pulled the covers away and my heart leapt in my throat as I screamed.
Wraith’s face was hovering over me, his eyes blazing red, lips split into a grin. I could feel his amusement practically suffocating me. He bent his head down and whispered,
“Were you hiding?”
Pressing myself into the bed, I scowled, “N-no…”
“Sure, Princess.”
Embarrassed, I turned away to see the smallest bit of light shine through the curtains. Was the dawn breaking already? The bed shifted, tearing me from my thoughts. Turning back over, I nearly fell out of the bed again as I came face to face with Wraith slipping under the covers. He smirked at me.
“What are you doing now?!”
Resting his head against his hand, Wraith’s smirk grew bigger, “Going to sleep. This is my bed, after all. Now you can either sleep on the floor or here with me.”
How dare he! Appalled, my mouth dropped open before I finally made the decision to stay on the bed. Demon or not, it was better to share a bed than sleep on the hard floor. I frowned when I noticed he was still without a shirt, wings folded into his back. At least I noticed that he still had pants on. His wings disappeared into his back. Contentment drifted from him into the atmosphere, a kind of peace that made me drowsy. The consequences of staying awake all night crushed me, and I turned away from him, feeling his arm around me as I quickly drifted to sleep.
"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." -Albert Einstein
  





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Sun Sep 25, 2011 8:06 am
LindsayG says...



Woah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the best novel I have read on here so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you know the great thing about it? It felt like I was reading something already published!!!!!!!!

You are a great writer. I loved eveerything about this, even though this is like the only cahpter I read. The raw emotions, the deatiled descriptions, from A to Z this was fantastic!!!!!!!

Now I just want to read more.....You better have more for me to read...lolx.

So I'm in suspense right now, if you hadn't guessed, and i need you to please finish this, so I can get out of it.

This was fantastic again, and I wish you the best of luck with this...

Keep writing, and I'm following you so please keep me posted on any new additions...


Totally awesome story and great plotline.....and I'm very sorry if I wasn't of any real help, because I really didn't see anything wrong with this...on the contrary I found this PERFECT.

Great job....Keep Writing!!!!!!

Bye :)
I write because there's nothing left to say...
  





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Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:05 am
Audy says...



Freakette,

I hope you excuse me for not reviewing the previous chapters. In some ways this lets me objectively review this chapter as it stands on its own. So let's get started, shall we?

This was ridiculous. I was so tired of Wraith’s indecision that I wanted to die. A wicked idea flashed in my mind, and my hands slowly reached up for the dagger.


What haunting descriptions you've used up to this point. I find it mildly disconcerting that there's a dagger floating around pointing at the MC, but at the same time I'm intrigued. I really want to read these past chapters and find out what is happening! Good stuff!

He didn’t respond, instead he dropped his shirt and stretched his pair of wings. They cracked and popped as they stretched.

Woah, spooky! Just what exactly is he?





A few moments passed before a short man waddled into the room, his bald head, bifocals and handle bar mustache surprising me.

You want "surprising" to be "surprised" - don't change the tense.

Had he read my mind?

“Yes, I have.”

How rude!

“What’s rude about it?” Marb gave me a smug look,

Lol! Absolutely loved this interaction xD Marb seems like quite the character.




A short chuckle slipped through Marb. Of course he was listening to my thoughts.

Seriously, Marb! That is so creepy xD


Nice progression here towards the little action sequence. Seamless.

“Because,” Marb huffed as if he were speaking to an idiot, “his Lord wants you dead so he can have a greater chance at winning the war against God. The threats to end him are an attempt to intimidate him into killing you, but his Lord would never dare do so. My master is the most powerful archdemon in Hell at the moment. However…” His expression grew dark.


Whoa. Epicness. Okay, I seriously will come back to review this. I agree with Lindsay G, this is one of the more interesting pieces I've read today. You definitely have a handle at keeping your readers on their toes ;)

How dare he! Appalled, my mouth dropped open before I finally made the decision to stay on the bed. Demon or not, it was better to share a bed than sleep on the hard floor. I frowned when I noticed he was still without a shirt, wings folded into his back. At least I noticed that he still had pants on. His wings disappeared into his back. Contentment drifted from him into the atmosphere, a kind of peace that made me drowsy. The consequences of staying awake all night crushed me, and I turned away from him, feeling his arm around me as I quickly drifted to sleep.


Is this a love interest? xD A demon and an angel? Cute ending. Overall, this was very enjoyable! Keep writing! Would definitely like to see some more installments.

~ As Always Audy
  





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Tue Sep 27, 2011 1:16 pm
Freakette says...



Thanks, Audy and LindsayG. :D I'm glad you like this so much. Even if there wasn't much criticism, it's still great to know what you think about it. I'll be updating most likely sometime today when I get out of school and finish up the last bit of the next chapter.

And Audy, gah! I remember my English teacher telling me to always keep the same tense in a sentence. Thanks for pointing that out.

LindsayG, thanks for the kind words. xD Epic encouragement to keep writing~
"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." -Albert Einstein
  








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Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
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