Young Writers Society

My Alec, My Frenchie










Darkness

That's what I was met with when I opened my eyes.

I was lying on something hard, something hard and wet. I felt my legs begin to chafe against my jeans.

I made to sit up, but something was holding me back. I was struggling to keep myself calm, there was complete and utter darkness. My eyes searched and searched for a least bit of light, but there was nothing. I tried to calm down and breathe, and use my other senses, so I quit trying to sit up and laid my head back down.

Once my breathing was controlled I closed my eyes, and remained still.

I concentrated on what I could hear.
Drip

Drip

Drip
Water.

There was water dripping from most likely a faucet, and it wasn't to far away.

Maybe I'm in a bathroom, a bathroom with no window?

I listened closely again.

And I sucked in a breathe, there were footsteps.

And they were coming closer.

The sound of a door being unlocked could be heard, the handle turned, and I saw light. Bright light flashing straight forward, and only highlighting a flight of stairs.

Creak

Creak

Creak

Someone was coming down the stairs. I immediately closed my eyes and played asleep.

Flick

They turned on a light, and I could hear them walk toward me. The person was now hovering over me, I could feel their breathe on my neck. I felt pressure on my chest, I almost squirmed but controlled myself.

The pressure disappeared and I heard the person let out a sigh.

"Thank goodness your still alive." came a soft voice. It wasn't hard to tell it was feminine. At that moment I almost opened my eyes, but ruled against it, what if she was dangerous?

"Frenchie!"

"Frenchie where are you!"

The voice was rough like gravel, and deep.

"Down here sir." Frenchie, I'm guessing, responded quickly.

Heavy pounding footsteps where coming down the stairs now.

"Frenchie, I told you to stay out of the basement, it does not need cleaning for now."

"Alec, who is this gal here?"

"She's someone with a debt Frenchie, now go on back up, we don't want Boss to see you."

"She's to remain here till he gives orders on the matter."

"Alec, can't we help her? She looks no older then 22, what sort of debt could this gal be in to deserve such treatment?"

Someone sighed.

"Just leave it."

"But Alec, she's tied and unconscious," she said.

"Look we have to go, if Boss finds us here together, he will find out."

"I don't care Alec, I don't wish to hide anymore."

"Please Frenchie, let's go. I can't afford to loose you, not now."

She sighed this time.

"Fine." and I heard the light flicker, and the light was off.

Their footsteps could be heard, and the sound disappeared up the stairs.

And I was back to square one, only this time with a boat load of more questions.

Even in this predicament, I couldn't help but smile at the thought of Frenchie and Alec, they sounded like they really cared for each other. Frenchie must be the housekeeper and Alec one of this Boss' workers.

Time passed and I was still here in the dark, I'm not afraid of the dark, but it's still unnerving. I thought of my family and wondered,

How long have I been gone now?

How long was I out?

Are they ok?

My eyelids began to feel heavy, I fought to keep my eyes open but the sleep was winning. And no sooner I fell into a deep slumber.





"What do you mean you can't do anything!"

"Sir, I didn't say that, I said the person has to be missing for 24 hours before you can file a report."

"She isn't missing! She was kidnapped!"

"Are you sure she didn't just leave on her own accord? She is 21."

"No!"

"We were all coming back to the car from getting ice cream, till some damn nut came and stole my money and then kidnapped my daughter!"

"Sir, please calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down! How can you say that? She's been taken! You have to do something!"

"Sir if you keep yelling I will not help you."

"So as I said before, Please Calm Down."

"Patrick, please calm down and listen to the officer." said Katrina, his wife.

"I just want my baby back Kat, I want her back with us," he said while running out of breathe and collapsing on his knees.

Katrina quickly dropped to the floor with him, feeling just as much anguish and anxiousness as her husband. She wrapped her arms around him, she felt wetness against her shirt and knew her husband was crying. She hugged him tighter, while she cried too.

I hope she's OK

Enjoying the story so far, you are progressing and portraying the story very well, and I find myself wanting to know more of the story. What's going on, who were those two people, and why is this person kidnapped? The only thing I have an issue with, and it is a small one, is that your character seems a little too calm. She passes out in a car, wakes up bound in a basement with no light. I think most 21 year old girls would be freaking out a little more. It seems you are trying to portray a mature character, but even the most mature people have a sense of self preservation. Make her struggle, yell, do something. One sentence that says

I was struggling to keep myself calm, there was complete and utter darkness.

and then immediately contradicts itself. Maybe try to portray her fear a little better, because right now it seems like this is a normal occurance for her. Maybe she does get kidnapped every other week, but I highly doubt it. Otherwise great job, can't wait to read more.

Hey..! I like it, just some problems though.. Show some fear in the Protagonist like captiondomdude told you.. i think you didn't mention the protagonist's name till now, that's important and i guess there are two scenes here, first the girl part where she wakes and find herself somewhere and the next in police station, mention it that the scene is of police station, also the girls' sibling are missing here, add them too.

I felt a little awkward that the father is crying and the mother consoling him, it should be opposite the mother crying and father consoling

In the first part, show the girl is scared, usually you are scared hen someone kidnaps you, she is calm but a little scared too, like say

My heart was racing, and beating like a hammer.. I was bathing in sweat but at the same time i felt i was near the poles of Earth, i hugged myself to warm myself..

Something like this hope it helps other then that good plot, good genre ...

Keep up!!

Hey its fruity!

Okay once again I want to know more. This is a very captivating story thus far. Only thing I have with this part is what captaindomdude said, and this part here.

And I was back to square one, only this time with a boat load of more questions.

Sorry this sentence just bothers me I feel like its out of place. But maybe that's just me. ANyways loved it so keep writing!!

Love, fruity!