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Bull**** story



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Gender: Male
Points: 877
Reviews: 26
Tue Sep 13, 2011 10:22 am
dhanshucool says...



The below characters are completely fictitious. This story may annoy you. It may even make you say its a bullshit story atlast. All you have to understand that sometimes 'SHIT HAPPENS!'.
Here we go...


"Oh F**K!!! It's 8:00AM," I shouted waking up from my bed.

I am Priyan. I was doing my PG in **** college. Sorry I don't want to give publicity for that useless college. I wanted to go to college early but I woke up late (as usual) and of course no time to take bath.

I just brushed my teeth; wore my dress and sprayed perfume which was one of the great inventions for the lazy people 'like me'.

"Mom, I am leaving to college."

"Dey! At least have some drink and then go. Already you are lean, if u are does like this no girl will see u," my mom screamed.

"Aiyo! Mom, ok... I will have it, please stop saying that."

I had juice and rushed to railway station.

** Beach train will be arriving in another few minutes on platform number 2 **- announcement

"Oh shit my train pass expired."

I rushed to ticket counter. The queue was almost 20 feet long.
'It must be the worst day in my life,' I said to myself.

I tried to go front and give money, to buy a ticket for me. But every one started scolding me together.

'Don't show unity for good cause, to scold me every one come leaving your job. Losers,' I cursed them in low voice and of course I don't want to get hit from them by speaking loud.

"Sir, please only one ticket to beach. I need to go soon", I pleaded.

But no one was ready to help me. I went back and stood in the line.

Suddenly a fair, cute looking girl came towards me. She was wearing full black colour kurtha and legins with stole around her neck. I kept staring at her. In short, she was like awesome.

"Excuse me, take this ticket", she said.

I didn't speak anything at that time. I just gave the money to her. She left that place immediately. I got the train in right time and only one thing was going in my mind at that time, 'Why did she alone helped me when no one was ready to help?'
I felt bad for not saying thanks to her.

'The Next time when I see her, I should go and speak to her', I decided myself.

3 weeks later........

It was Saturday. My friend Rahul and I went for a purchase in t.nagar.
When we were waiting for the train in railway station, we had a small bet.

"Dude, once the train started moving fast we should run and get the train. Let's see who gets into the train first. Bet???" I said.

"Ok done!!!" Rahul replied.

The train arrived and it started moving fast in few seconds.

"LET'S GO!" I said and ran fast.

As the train moved very fast Rahul quit running and I managed to get into the train.

I started shouting by hanging my head outside the door, "Heyyyyyyyyy I won!!!!!!!"

After crossing the platform I turned back and got shocked. Guess what??? It was a ladies compartment. Every one gave me a dirty look. I felt embarrassed.

Suddenly I heard a girl laughing loudly.

It was the same girl who helped me 3 weeks before. She was wearing full white dress in which she looked like a wingless angel. She stopped laughing when I saw her. She was wearing HCL tag around her neck.

I noted her name and employee code before the next station comes.

And again I didn't speak to her. I went to my friend Vikas who was working in HCL.

"Hi dude, how are you? Long time no see!" Vikas told in surprise.

"I am fine dude. I need some details of a girl. Her employee ID is 51350167 and her name is CILVIN"

"SILWIN???"

"No it's C-I-L-V-I-N," I spelled.

"Anything important?" he asked.

"Yes".... I told the whole story to him. He kept his mouth open.
"So do you love her?" he asked me, as I expected this question from him.

"Mmmmmmmm Not exactly... Hey you know very well about me, right?" I told.

"Yeah, I know u very well, so only asked. Ok be careful dude love changes a man completely," he warned me.

"Ok sir, please do find it fast and tell right now," I said.

I got her number and address from him.

One week later I went back to Vikas again.

"Hoy! How is your love story???" He asked me.

"She is really good dude," I said.

"How you are saying that? Did you speak to her?" he asked curiously.

"Yeah... last week you gave the number na, then...."


In that one week....

I bought a sim card and messaged her like, " hi Cilvin... I like u a lot... Shall we be friends??? "

I waited and waited for a long time, but, no response. I called her but she didn't respond.
Likewise I bought 2 more sim cards and tried to speak to her but she didn't respond for anything.
Then I got an idea. In my mobile there is one option to change the voice like a girl. So that when I speak, the one in the other end will hear a girl voice. I spoke to her in the name of 'PRIYA' and got her friendship.


"Are you mad??? What you will get in speaking like a girl to her? You are cheating her, as well as yourself. Now itself text her and tell the truth," Vikas shouted in shock.

"No dude, I won't. I wanted to become close to her then I will tell the truth. Don't worry", I convinced him.

"You are so dumb! You are really dumb!" he said and left.

In just three months we became so close. She shared her secrets, problem, success, failure, happiness and everything. I helped her during her failure and I supported her always.
She loved my friendship a lot. We started speaking for hours everyday.


Suddenly one day I got a message from her.

Cilvin - I want to ask u something.
Me - yeah ask me.
Cilvin - Do u like me???
Me - yeah, of course a lot. Why are you asking this now?
Cilvin - I love you. I want to live with you forever.

I got shocked after seeing that message because, she doesn't know that am a guy till that time.

I replied her.

Me - Do u know with whom are you speaking?
Cilvin - yeah, with Priya only rite?

I felt the earthquake in my heart. I don't know what to reply at that time. I couldn't tell the truth also as it would be like a betrayal.
So I simply replied, "I need to think".

We didn't speak to her for one week.

I called her and told that, I am going for a tour out of station, so when I return here, we will meet and decide.

After few weeks I came back to Chennai and called her. She picked up the call.

"I will be waiting for you in 'The parkway hotel' table number five, sharp at 7:00pm," I told her and disconnected the call.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Cilvin went to hotel and found a girl sitting in table number five. She went closer and asked," Excuse me, where is Priyan?"

"Priyan??? How do u know him?" she replied.

"Yes I know him. His friend Vikas told me everything about him and his love long back, but I didn't reveal it to him," she told and called Vikas.

Vikas came inside and shocked seeing that girl, "Hey priyan??? What the hell is this?"

"What? She is Priyan uh?" Cilvin stunned and burst into tears.

Yes.... Priyan don't want to cheat her so to make everything true he undergone operation in Mumbai to change himself a women.

At last Vikas said," I know love changes a man completely but I never thought that love changes a man into a woman".


ROFL.............. :D :D :D
-Dan
  





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Gender: Male
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Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:05 pm
roostangarar says...



What? Seriously, what? I get that the story is meant to be a joke, with Vikas saying the punchline at the end, but it was seriously hard to read. The grammar is terrible, and there are whole sentences that don't make sense. For example:

"Don't show unity for good cause, to scold me every one come leaving your job." What the hell is this meant to say? Some sentences I've been able to piece together, but this just utterly confused me.

There are many more examples of this, but it would take an age to fix them. Please, edit this with proper grammar. Please.
I hae but ane gallant son, and if he were to follow me in my footsteps, how proud I shall be.

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Reviews: 30
Tue Sep 13, 2011 5:28 pm
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Justlittleoleme says...



Well, I understood this story just enough to enjoy it...I did get lost quite a few times as the grammer is a little...Um...crazy? If I'm reading this right I think that you were trying to speak in an accent...like a jewish accent I guess? I'm really not sure, but I did get the story...a little bit...I mean, for the most part I could follow the action fine, but the dialog kept seriously throwing me off...perhaps it would have been better to simply write in simple english...or maybe do just tad more studying on the Accent you were trying to create...or even have someone in your story who speaks a more understandable accent just to even out your main characters accent...you know, kinda make it more obvious that he's speaking differently...you know?

Okay, moving beyond that. I sorta liked this story, it was supposed to be a joke and I like that aspect of it, in fact I would have found this hilarious if I hadn't been so thrown off by the above mentioned crazy grammar. I think you could make this into a really awesome story...but it certainly needs a little fixing up...IMHO...
  





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Tue Sep 13, 2011 7:40 pm
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Katlyn67 says...



That is either the best or the worst thing I've ever read. Maybe a bit of both...
  





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Fri Sep 23, 2011 3:37 pm
Rascalover says...



Hello,
I know you requested a review from a quite a bit ago, but I just didn't know what to say. I did a review to fix all the grammar mistakes, but my computer erased it. I don't think I can go through all of that again. This story makes absolutely no sense. It was really hard to follow, and I still don't even know what was going on. I don't want to be mean, so don't let this discourage you, but you need to take the rules of grammar I gave you for your first story and put them in this one, so that you can get more help with the plot line.

Have a great day,
Tiffany
There is nothing to writing; all you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein~ Red Smith

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