Young Writers Society

MY GREEN TEA LATTE
CHAPTER ONE

If there was something in the world that could reverse time, I would give up anything for it. If only there were second chances. If only I didn’t make that decision that I now realise, would ruin my life forever.
*****
I am staring outside my patio window, the sky is a periwinkle blue, the drifting clouds white, and everything seems so perfect and so still, just like a snapshot. But inside, my heart is bleeding, I am suffocating from within.
There are no words to describe what I am going through right now.
How can love hurt so much?
He told me that if I wasn’t going to treat him as a boyfriend then our relationship may as well go damn itself. Those were his last words to me. I replayed his words and what happened that night over and over again in my head. I replayed all the sweet times we spent together; everything seemed so real again, but it only lasted for a few seconds before it dawned on me that nothing could return to normal.
That time could not reverse itself, needless to say, it couldn't reverse a broken relationship either.
I might sound like an average girl who had just been dumped. But, the thing is that, this was my entire fault. If he really dumped me, I deserved to be dumped. It was me who had given up a perfect relationship. I didn’t know I loved him then. But now I do. And it is slowly eating me and tearing me apart. I had let go of a boy who I love more than the whole world, a boy who probably now hates me.
Sometimes I would ask myself, if he was right in front of me, what would I do?
I would beg him for his forgiveness. I would plead for a second chance. I would do anything to gain his love again. But no, the real me would cower away, I would be overwhelmed with shame and regret because, not only is my life wrecked, his too. And, that is, because he loves me.
Actually, he ‘loved’ me.
Nobody knows this side of me. On the surface, I am still Rosy, a former graduate from Cambridge University, and a girl who has minds of both a creative fashion designer and a successful entrepreneur. My father thinks I’m his perfect daughter. My mother thinks I’m her perfect daughter. My friends and colleagues admire and envy my perfect life. Even I, sometimes try to believe that I am perfect.
The whole world thinks my life is perfect. Only he knows. That I miss him. And that is the one thing that makes my life imperfect.
I don’t care if my parents are divorced. I don’t care if people talk behind my back about my rich upbringing. I don’t care if I lose my career and end up with nothing. I don’t care about anything except him.
My world is perfect with him. He is the lost fragment that can piece my shattered heart together. Without him, I feel soulless, I am heartbroken. I never thought of myself ending like how I am now.
He opened the doorway to my heart, and only he can close it.
If he knew how I felt, will he forgive me?
*******
The first time I saw him, was in a coffee shop.
He worked there as a barista part-time.
I remember asking him, what drinks were nice, and he said, green tea latte.
I remember the way he smiled. The way he talked.
He said he would match different drinks to his customers, he said I would definitely like it.
He was right, I absolutely loved it, it was delicious and creamy, and it was my drink.
It was a memory I don’t think I can ever forget.
That was the first time I saw him and already he left me an unforgettable impression. The problem was that I already had a boyfriend at that time.
******
If you want to step inside my life, then we have to start fresh and flashback to six years ago, when I first met him. How I long to go back to those times but there really isn’t anything I can do now, is there?

I enjoyed reading this =)
I think you did very well capturing the emotion in this piece and made me very interested in Rosy. It the way you have written in makes her sound like a very headstrong character who others admire, but is very different underneath. I know I've read about many, many characters like that, but the way you wrote it made her seem... different from the rest of them. I guess I just like reading things in first person =)

I don't have anything else really to comment on, although there was something I wondered about.

*******
The first time I saw him, was in a coffee shop.
He worked there as a barista part-time.
I remember asking him, what drinks were nice, and he said, green tea latte.
I remember the way he smiled. The way he talked.
He said he would match different drinks to his customers, he said I would definitely like it.
He was right, I absolutely loved it, it was delicious and creamy, and it was my drink.
It was a memory I don’t think I can ever forget.
That was the first time I saw him and already he left me an unforgettable impression. The problem was that I already had a boyfriend at that time.
******

Why the sudden change in structure here? Just something I noted.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this and thanks for PMing me about it =)
I'm hoping to read more from you in the future =)

Thanks for your review and i am very glad that you like it! Would you like me to PM you when i post Chapter two?
The sudden tense change or change of structure is to give the reader an insight to who the mysterious boy the character is raving about is and brings out the name of the novella 'My Green Tea Latte.'

Hi there!

Just to let you know, I was very excited to read this. Really, I was! And I just wanted to say that it definitely lived up to the hype I had created for myself. So, yeah. I have a few correction/comments listed below:

If there was anything in the world that could reverse time, I would give up anything for it

I think you should change the first 'anything' to 'something'. That way you won't have the word repeated. It sounds awkward because we just read the same word a couple seconds ago. Get what I'm saying?

That time could not reverse itself, needless to say, a broken relationship.

This sentence is also a little awkward. I get what you're trying to say, but I think there's another way you can say it so it won't be confusing. You should change it to:

That time could not reverse a broken relationship.
-or-
That time could not reverse itself. Needless to say, it couldn't reverse a broken relationship either.

Both of these sentences are more clear and the reader can understand exactly what you are saying.

I would beg him for his forgiveness. I would plead for a second chance. I would do anything to gain his love again. But no, the real me would cower away, I would be overwhelmed with shame and regret because, not only is my life wrecked, his too.

I'm pretty sure this is what every heart broken girl would say/do. I like this. You did a good job keeping this real and believable.

Only he knows. That I miss him.

You really should combine these two sentences, it'll flow better that way. So it'll read "Only he knows that I miss him."

Overall this is really good. I like the part at the end where you go back and have your character remember how she met this guy. It's kind of like she was telling us a story and then she thought about how they met. It works really well. I liked how you developed your main character through a mixture of her thoughts and what others thought about her. It's good because it gives the reader two different perspectives to look at.

Please keep me updated as you add more to this! Keep writing!

Loved this just as much as I loved the prologue! The feeling and imagery there was amazing! I loved how your prologue was so nice and short and how this is kinda like a second prologue except it is longer. I am interested to see how the flashback goes and I am wondering what these 'twists' are you mentioned at the beginning of your story. I understand what a green tea latte is now too ;D Tell me when next chapter is out too please!

I really liked it! You did a wonderful job of describing the envinorment.
It's also a very relatable story, I understand what she's going through.
Anyways, can't wait to read more

At the beginning, it reminded me a bit of when you write in a journal. Like you're sort of talking to yourself, or people you think can't really hear you. As it went on, I saw a little more of the narritive perspective, like actually telling a story. The very beginning, though, I liked. It made a good opener. It also makes one greatly curious- what is it that has ruined her life? Sufice ti say, I am looking forward to reading the next chapter of this, and also look forward to watching this grow into a novel. Keep writing!

You're sentences were all over the place. You repeated the same words over and over. And you didn't quite feel the emotion. I mean, you weren't quite in depth. I didn't like the line:

I might sound like an average girl who had just been dumped.

. A rookie move is "I might sound like. . . " or "I'm an average girl". I also didn't like the whole "perfect" concept. Your words need to be powerful--get someone to hold their breath, feel an aftereffect(s) of the character's emotion, and/or to get the reader's heart to race. The words didn't flow quite right, and nothing really descriptive threded in the sentences. Some paragraphs could have been in your prologue. Keep on writing!
Dragon Rider

I loved reading this! When you explained about how Rosy was the rich girl that a lot of people envied, but was still empty inside, it made me sad for her; it helped me understand her situation. This is a great piece of writing!