Young Writers Society

Chapter One: The Notice

Margret wiped her dirty hand over her nose sniffling, leaving a snot trail on the back of her black fingerless gloves. Cracking her knuckles she reached forward and pulled open the door. Gosh, winter was freezing in Brooklyn. She ran up the graffiti ridden stairs until she reached the sixth floor where she knocked on the plastic door of the old women living next door to her. Miss MacNeice cracked open the door, she was mental this one, for sure. Her wrinkled face reminded Margret of a map, the blue and red lines on her skin protruding from her white face reminded her of motorways and her mouth a roundabout, the old women frowned when she looked at her. She was judging her; it had been a year since Margret had moved in next door and that old woman still treated her like a stranger. The apartment smelled oddly of cats even though she didn’t own any, the stacks of old newspapers reached the ceiling in some places and random old fish bowls floating with dead unfed fish stood scattered around the room. She sometimes regretted leaving Charlie with her after school but she unfortunately didn’t have a choice, she had to keep up with the rush hours at work and just after school finishing was one of them.
“Is Charlie here?” Margret was rude, even though this woman watched Charlie for hours on end whenever Margret needed it, free of charge. Margret couldn’t care less; she wanted to go home, as home as home could be anyway.
“I’m very well thank you, so nice of you to ask” answered the old woman pointing her nose in the air.
“Mummy?” A small voice came from behind the old women, feeling a smile cross across Margret’s face she answered back;
“Heya Charlie” Bending down as Charlie dropped whatever he was holding, grinning ran into her arms.
“I’ve missed you”
“I’ve missed you too Charlie, how was school?”
“It was fun! We had Numeracy and Literacy and I can write in cursive! Mummy come look” Grabbing mummy by the hand Charlie pulled her away from the old smelly house of Miss Beak face and headed opposite to his home, where his toys were patiently waiting for him.
“Hey wait sweetheart, what do you say to Miss Beak face?” Hearing Charlie laugh at her words formed a gin on her face, he was happy and that made her happy.
“Thank you” Charlie sang blowing a raspberry. The door of Miss Beak face slammed shut and Margret bent down to give Charlie a high five. She had to admit that Charlie was handsome, his butter-wouldn’t-melt smile, his mischievous big and bright blue eyes, and his dirty blonde hair messily spiked on the top of his head... pride swelled in her gut, he even looked like a trouble maker! Charlie was jumping up and down with excitement at being home as Margret reached into her bag for her keys, finding them at the very bottom she pulled them out and pushed them into the door. The door was always getting stuck, banging the weight of her body on the door it finally wedged open. Home sweet home, ha! It wasn’t much, the kitchen consisted of a microwave, boiler, a tiny fridge and a sink. A mattress lay on the floor near the fire escape was where Margret slept with Charlie, a toilet was randomly sticking out of the wall on the left hand side, but she couldn’t help but smile when she saw the poster above their bed. A huge collage of different pictures of Charlie and Margret making funny faces, the time when she saved up money to take him to the Zoo and the times she took him to the park on the opposite side of their apartment. She grinned when she saw her favourite thing in the whole apartment, in big bright blue letters (Charlie’s favourite colour) MARGRET AND CHARLIE AGAINST THE WORLD. She got distracted as Charlie ran over to his school bag. Turning around and closing the door Margret reached into her bag and pulled out two microwavable burgers and set them on the counter.
“Mummy come see my cursive!” Smiling Margret took off her holey coat and pulled her knitted scarf from around her head and threw them onto the floor.
“Coming sweetheart” Charlie, impatient as he was, ran over to mummy pushing his work into her hands. He wanted to hear those four simple words. The four words he clung to. “Oh wow Charlie this is very good, I’m so impressed” Charlie signed, she didn’t say the words often but he hoped she would this time, he was convinced. “Hey sweetheart” She smiled reaching down to him and smoothing his hair over with her hands. “I’m proud of you” Charlie’s face lit up as Margret said the words that meant everything to him. Charlie picked up batman and turned to the women he loved more than anybody,
“Will you play with me?”
“I will always play with you Charlie”
***
“Maggie Hardly where the fuckin’ hell have you been?” Mr. Lee shouted from the opposite side of the dressing room as Margret pulled back the black curtain that lined the place between the entertainers and the restaurant/ bar. “we’re about to go on a do the round the world act in about fifteen minutes, do you think you could get ready in time?” His words suggested she couldn’t say no.
“Of course Mr. Lee, I’ll just be a minute” Fake smiling until she put the cigarette in her mouth, she signed, it was slowly calming her, Margret breathed in the tobacco goodness.
“Whoa looks like you needed that baby” Carla laughed bringing out her own and lighting it against Margret’s lighter.
“You have no idea” Margret said, still not opening her eyes. Carla laughed; she was already dressed in her skimpy France outfit, as long as she remembered the dance moves she wouldn’t be fired. She watched as Maggie started to put make up on herself.
“Here let me help” She said reaching down and rubbing her foundation in quicker. Margret’s white clear face shone at her, her brown eyes and brown hair was as luscious to the touch as silk. Carla grinned, she never looked this good when she was 21. She was 27 now and regretted nothing.
“Thanks, did you save me an outfit?”
“Of course baby! I didn’t want you stuck with Japan” they both laughed as they looked at Victoria fidgeting in her bra and skimpy lace leggings with Mr. Lee screaming at her.
“Someone has got to have Japan! Deal with it bitch”
“Mr. Lee you call me bitch one more time and I’ll make sure you never have kids” She flung her bleached blonde hair over her shoulder and stormed away screaming at everyone to leave her eye line.
“Wow, Bitch got back, am I right or am I right?” Margret said giving Victoria the finger with her back turned.
“Totally right baby and by the way, you should totally come out with me tonight; I am going to meet some strippers with this guy I met down in Las Vegas. You know when I got that Burlesque gig for that night last month? He’s coming down to hire and he pays bitches for girls as beautiful as you, you should totally come”
“I told you Carla, I can’t! I’ve got a five year old kid remember?”
“Ditch her with that old cat lady”
“He’s my child Carla, I can’t just ditch him”
“Well I totally would, think about the future for you... for her! If you got paid more money and live in Las Vegas than how super cool would that be for her to grow up there?”
“First of all, he’s a him, not a her. Secondly what about Schools? Charlie has finally just settled down and made some friends, I couldn’t take him away from that and thirdly, I don’t want to be a Burlesque stripper for the rest of my life, I’m only doing this because I have nothing else”
“Hey bitch! We’re not strippers!”
“Who called us Strippers?” Shouted Mimsy from the opposite side of the room, the hustle and bustle of just about going on stage stilled as all fourteen girls turned to see who had said the forbidden word: Strippers.
“No one” laughed Carla “No everything is fine” She turned to me with wide eyes. “They were totally about to cut you up baby”
***
The spotlight hit the women and they began to dance. They were all beautiful women, King leaned back on his arms at the bar watching them. He recognised one of them, Carly? King wasn’t sure, he sipped his beer and watched them all individually, he went for the obvious one, the blonde one and immediately he knew she was not the one but his eyes stopped, stopped very suddenly on England. Her long chocolate hair was glossy and went down past her waist, her black stilettos showing off her gorgeous legs and she knew what she was doing, she was dancing as if her life depended on it and Margret was. She had spotted the man at the bar looking at them all, but he had stopped on her, and it made her nervous. She wasn’t a stripper or a prostitute but if he offered her a fair amount of money she might not be able to help herself... Charlie needed a new winter coat.
“I see you like that one sir” Someone said from behind him, he turned quickly to see the bar tender smiling slightly. “You pick well but she doesn’t put out, If I was you I’d go for the blonde one”
“I’m not interested in Prostitution, look at me” King snapped gesturing at himself “I don’t have to pay women or force them to do anything they don’t want to do... but I see you might have that problem” The barman looked shocked but quickly shadowed it with a scrawl.
“You paying for that or what?” he asked gesturing towards the alcohol beverage.
“Put it on my tab”
“Name?”
“King Elliot” The bartender laughed.
“You think I’m going to fall for that? That’s the worst fake name I have ever heard” King was about to do something about this arrogant bar tender but his attention turned elsewhere.
“Mr. Elliot!” Mr. Lee couldn’t believe King Elliot; owner of the biggest Burlesque club in America was here, in his wife's tiny little rest stop. He had a reputation and he stuck to it too, he was handsome, if Mr. Lee said so himself. His light brown hair, his chocolate smoky eyes and his tall but masculine figure stood out from the crowd of men and women at the bar or at the tables. Mr. Lee ran forward taking his hand and shaking it hard. “Mr. King Elliot such a pleasure to make your acquaintance must have been such a long flight from Las Vegas” Mr. Elliot raised an eyebrow at this funny looking small person.
“Um hello, I was under the impression that a women runs this club”
“Yes, yes, I’m just the messenger, the husband” The only person who did something more like “You must come with me at once; she cannot wait to meet you” Mr. Lee turned to the bartender.
“Remember put everything Mr. Elliot buys on my tab” King followed the rat man away, keeping his eyes on the dark haired girl. King found himself slowing down slightly to have a better look at her. At a second glace, he realised more of how her body moved in long slow steps, captivating his imagination... why wasn’t anyone else just staring at her? A lot of men were looking at the blonde women, why? She had nothing compared to this young women on stage. “I see you like Maggie” King turned to the small man. “She is something good to look at but she doesn’t-"
“Put out? Yes I’m already aware”
“Well, no. I was going to say that she won’t move house or place, If that’s what you want, she, well, she already has a family”
“Well that’s good because I’m not looking for a family” King stared at this strange man. Mr. Lee felt himself getting nervous; he had never looked at a man that had such a testosterone aroma.
“No, I mean she has a son” King’s eyes widened as she looked towards the women, she was young no older than 22.
“I could strike a deal”
“Listen, I know, she’s a good dancer and stunningly beautiful but to me these women are like my daughters. Bitchy daughters, yes, but daughters no less and I don’t want some man coming out of nowhere filling their heads with fake dreams about being a Burlesque dancer in Las Vegas. All of these women are here because of terrible life circumstances, I don’t want to see them get hurt again” King was generally surprised at the care Mr. Lee was giving to his girls. King to his girls was more like a smoking hot lifeguard they were unable to touch but here they were more like family than friends. Mr. Lee made sure all of his girls where safe, no man would hurt them under his watch, and he had to admit some men who came here... let’s just say they were better off at a strip club.
“I get your warning, I won’t try anything without consent from the owner” King strolled past Mr. Lee, he was aware of the circumstance now, of Maggie was it? He would be careful but something in his gut said he wanted her at his club, so he would have her.

Wow. One word.
Okay now I have 3 = Mind is blown.
You have a real talent for getting across human emotions in a way that's natural and heat warming. I like the way Margret is strong not some weak character and I like the way she would do just about anything for family. It makes for a charming read and I can't wait to read more.

I have three words as well, it's a shame. It's a shame that you don't have mounds and mounds of reviews saying how good your work is! You're excellent! Fantastic!! Here is one of the examples of how amazing of a writer you are

She ran up the graffiti ridden stairs until she reached the sixth floor where she knocked on the plastic door of the old women living next door to her. Miss MacNeice cracked open the door, she was mental this one, for sure. Her wrinkled face reminded Margret of a map, the blue and red lines on her skin protruding from her white face reminded her of motorways and her mouth a roundabout, the old women frowned when she looked at her.

It's just fantastic! Ever word you fixed into that sentence caused me to feel like I was a bystander, seeing this woman walk up the stairs. You REALLY know your character! I hope though that she gets out of her circumstance soon so that she can get a better job and all. Please don't stop writing this story!

You are a outstanding writer and I would like to co-write a book with you!