Chapter Four
“You look beautiful today Beth” Damien’s words struck my mind deeply the next morning as we drove to school. The road was bumpy and I can’t say I didn’t except a few drinks from my dad so it felt like we were driving over sand dooms. Usually when I was around him I was scared, scared for my life and scared for my future. In the last few weeks all I felt when I was around him now was annoyance. I was annoyed by him. I don’t understand why he thought I looked good that day; it was the same jeans I had worn yesterday and a baggy forest green sweatshirt with our school mascot on it.
I looked over at him revolted. I just smirked at him and look back out the opposite window. Damien’s face tensed and he breathed heavily out. I could hear his grip tighten on the steering wheel. I flinched and sunk back into the seat.
“What is with your fucking attitude lately Beth?” He fumed. I didn’t feel like saying sorry, I didn’t feel like going along with what he wanted.
“Do you think that we are together Damien? Do you think we are dating? That we are boyfriend and girlfriend?” I asked, I wanted to know the answer. At this point, I felt like I had to know how he felt about us.
“Of course my darling, what else are we?” Damien spoke softly, like he wasn’t just trying to convince me, but himself as well. I backed off of the question. I was trapped. I knew if I tried to “break up” with him. I would regret it later, and who ever I went to for help, would regret helping me. Tears swelled up in my eyes. My eyes burned with furry and the tears built higher and higher till they blinded my sight. I blinked and tears fell down my cheeks.
“What’s wrong dear?” Damien asked the car came to a stop; I looked up at the red light blazing brightly.
“Damien. I feel trapped. I feel like you control my every move. I don’t feel like I’m me anymore. I am just what you want me to be.” I tried to explain, I didn’t know how he would feel about my answer, or how he would react to it. He looked calm though, so I took that as a good sign.
“I can understand that Beth, I guess I have been a bit over bearing. How about we take a break, for a couple weeks, till you can feel like you again. Then we will talk about compromise, so we can both feel equal in our relationship.” He suggested, I gapped. Was he really giving me freedom? I was so stunned, so excited. We got all the way to school before I answered. “So Beth, what do you say?”
“I say yes” I exclaimed, I flinched, I felt bad for saying it so exactly, but I really was so happy. I opened the door to his car and ran off towards the school.
“Beth!” I jerked around to see Keara running up to me. She was an athletic girl and as smart as any other Asian in the school. She hugged me tightly. I smiled; for once it felt real, I was grinning.
“We got an 87 on our French project!” she exclaimed,
“Good Morning to you as well” I laughed; I froze and watched as Damien walked by. I knew he did that on purpose, to remind me he was still here, still watching. I became a lot less giggly and happy after that. Keara and I talked and walked to French; we talked about people in the school and especially about the guys that she liked, and the guys that like her.
With Prom coming up everyone was being asked out to the dance, and Keara had been asked out by Gab. Which she wasn’t expecting she explained when he asked she just kind of ran away and they hadn’t talked since. But then there was Cameron who she liked and he liked her, but both of them were not willing to ask each other out. Kaleigh was helping with that, and I guessed I would be lured into helping as well. The glory of French class was the gossip, that’s all that happened in French. Gossip.
We sat down at the front of the class next to Kayleigh. She sat there, her straight blond hair tied up; she was hunched over her phone and texted away like a maniac. She looked up and smiled, but shot her gaze back to her phone and kept texting. I sat down beside Kayleigh and Keara sat beside me. The teacher Mr. Fall, came around cheerfully throwing out a Bonjour here and Comme se’ va? There, and handing out a piece of paper to each of us with a word search with places in a town in French.
Keara and I started working on it, Kayleigh sat there texting till we were half way through the word search, put down her phone and started copying my answers. I smiled and moved my sheet over so she could see it better. It never bothered me that she wanted to copy, I copied her tests sometimes since she was practically bilingual and I was still just learning.
“So! Keara told you about Cameron right?” Kayleigh asked, I nodded and reached over for her coke, I un-screwed the cap, and took a quick chug, sealing it back up and placing it back on her desk.
“My plan is for her to start hanging around the gym at lunch. He always play’s floor hockey with Matt, Zack and Gab, so if she goes and watches then he will notice her there.” Kayleigh explained,
“Wouldn’t that be kind of 1950’s of her?” I asked, I finished the word search and handed it over to Kayleigh, I pulled out my physics book and started reading, I knew that would be the only thing Mr. Fall would give us during class, since we had a project to do, but me and Keara had finished it the day before.
“Ya, but’s it’s still relevant, it will work, trust me,” she finished copying the worksheet I put it in my notebook and glanced over at Keara who was deep in conversation with Cameron. I smiled and looked back over to Kayleigh who was smiling with glee.
“Maybe she won’t need your help after all” I jeered, Kayleigh started texting again and I started reading my book.
After French I raced over to English, which was on the other side of the school. Ms. Chow our English teacher was in the Navy as well as a teacher, she was one of the kindest most understanding teachers we knew but all of us still didn’t want to mess with her anyway. She loved to share stories about her life; most kids enjoyed it for the sole purpose of getting to waste class time talking about it. Though it did creep up out a bit when she explained that her father used to beat her.
I rushed in and sat next to Roselyn; Bret and Brandon sate behind us. Brandon right behind Roselyn and Bret behind me. I gave Roselyn the look and she gave me the look back that said she tried to make him sit somewhere else. I felt the bottom of my seat be smacked by the bottom of Bret’s foot.
“Oh! Sorry!” Bret exclaimed obnoxiously, I flinched and moved my desk forward a bit. Roselyn rolled her eyes,
“So, I saw Damien making out with Felecia this morning” Rosalynn announced, and now I knew why he wanted the separation, he wanted to actually get some action without me pushing him away, that or he wanted to try to make me jealous. I laughed,
“Good for him,” I answered,
“Aren’t you two together?”
“We are taking a couple weeks off…” I hated the fact that people actually believed we were together, I guess I practically lied to Daniel yesterday. She shrugged and Ms. Chow started teaching.
I felt another jerk behind my seat as my seat jerked into the desk, my ribs dug into the edge of it. I heard Bret laughing and Brandon hitting him. I closed my eyes and pushed my seat back again. A couple minutes he did it again, he was really laughing now. I turned around and glared at me, he raised an eye brow in the sense of what are you going to do about it? I picked up my books and left the class. Roselyn followed me out; I walked half way down the hall and sat down against the wall. The tiles felt like there were coded with plastic, probably enough paint and whatever had been splattered on the walls created this feeling. I closed my eyes to stop the tears.
“You ok, Beth?” She asked,
“Bret really gets on my nerves” I said, it shattered out in un-controllable waves of nervous confusion.
“I’ll go deal with him” She urged, she gave me a very creepy smirk and skipped back in the classroom. I heard Bret scream, and metal against metal. Brandon sharp chipper laugh grew across the school and Ms. Chow started yelling at them to stop. I put my head back against the wall and giggled.
Next thing I knew Roselyn and Bret were in the hallway, the door to the classroom being slammed on them. Bret shirt was ripped at the shoulder and a crimson red mark lay against his cheek. Roselyn got into position, feet apart knees bent, she looked ready to punch him again, but he staggered backwards and into the middle of the hallway.
“Come at me bro!” Roselyn cried. Bret turned around and walked away try to look boss. I laughed really loudly then, then Bret turned back around to scowl at me then turned the corner. Roselyn sat down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder; and I rested my head on her head. I knew I didn’t have to say thank you, that my smile was enough gratitude. We sat like that till the bell rang for lunch, and again; teen swarmed the hallways.
Brandon came out of the class with the other students, they looked like little ants climbing out of the anthill, scurrying away to avoid water or being crushed; in a way I guess we were trying to avoid the un-thinkable, being held back to help the teacher during their prep. Brandon flopped down beside us; He looked over at Roselyn and grinned gaily. His Light brown skin and hefty body was something this town was still trying to get used to. Most folk here were Caucasian or Asian.
They got up slowly and looked down at me as to ask to join; I shook my head and smiled as to tell them to go. I watched as they walked off hands intertwined, my heart ached for love like that. That type of love I could never have.
I opened my backpack and pulled out a white plastic grocery bag. Inside was my lunch, cold pizza, and a juice box. I pulled out my novel study book as well and flipped through the rough paper pages, the edges of the paper were coded in plastic sheeting so they wouldn’t rip or fold. The title read, The Great Gatsby. I ripped off a piece of the cold pizza and gnawed on it hungrily like a bear that had been in hibernation for years.
The hallways started to quiet down and I was able to read a bit faster and more controllably. The mood suddenly changed and I felt a hefty altering to the environment. A chill ran down my back, but not the same type of chill I get from Damien, I wasn’t sure what this was. A body formed above me and stood there. I kept my eyes down and tried to focus on the book, I tried to read each word but it seemed to go in one ear and out the other. I finished reading the same line five times and finally gazed up. There stood Daniel.
“Hi.” I said finally,
“Hey,”
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