Young Writers Society

The year is 2483, over the last century humankind has taken to the stars and begun its search of space for a new planet while more and more people began to move to the colonies orbiting earth that have bean created as a temporary home. The reason for this is that earth has bean completely drained of all its natural resources and has begun to fade.

Most of the Earths surface is now rugged and barren, very little drinkable water remains,and due to war and experimentation the atmosphere is filled with toxic and radioactive chemicals.

Much of the plant life is gone now, and any animals that have not died have begun to mutate and all are now violent and and unpredictable.But even with all these conditions there are still people who live there, some by there own will, but many have bean abandoned , mostly due to economical status.

Life in the colonies is simple, there is no hunger , there is no fighting , there is no poverty , there is no war, there is no fear. most believe that there is no threat to them, yet some are concerned about extraterrestrial life. for the government has confirmed that there is no alien life that could threaten them. They say area 51 was for medical research and that there was no alien craft found. but they were not telling the whole truth.

A small space craft was of unknown origin was discovered floating in space when the construction of the colonies began and it was brought back to earth. Inside was one child of an unknown humanoid species, appearing to be a genetic cross with a feline the creature was taken and placed in a lab for testing, but died from its injuries a few days later.

Three ships were sent out to find a new home. The Encounter , The Dragoon and The Starla. each with a crew of only 200 and many of them are orphans of a young age,drafted into the military because they had no ware else to go.kicked out by society because of the sickness that plagued one of the colonies and killed hundreds

The three ships have have bean searching for more then five months and concerns have begun to rise, is there another planet out there that can sustain life, what will happen to the human race. The truth known to none not even himself, is that the fate of not only the human race , but the fate of all life that exists rests in the hands of one, with his friends and the choices he makes the universe could be saved or plunged into chaos.


We now rest our lives is the path of Secret Lore and Royal Love.

I would nit pick this and fix all your spelling errors and grammar problems and all, but since I have a problem with the whole section, I won't.


All of this is telling. You tell us about earth, the people there, what the people do, what things are like what happened. It is all telling. Sure, you're telling a story, but you need to show. I understand it is a prologue, but even then it's just overwhelmingly in need of help.

I'd suggest for a rewrite, use an actual scene and a character and write about them instead. This is also a lot of info dumping, which is bad. When you first meet someone, you aren't going to know everything about them right away. Same when you go somewhere, you slowly learn about it and it's history. Why should it be any different in fiction?

My suggestions: Read more. Reading will help you a lot, because then you can see how other do it. There is this lovely book that helped me learn a lot called Writing Fiction. Consider buying it, it's great. Lastly, pertaining more to the story, rewrite this section. Or, maybe, cut it out altogether?

Get to the plot, the conflict. That is what people want to read about. We'll learn about the devastating earth as we go. and, just as a side not, if that is your only conflict, you might want to work a little harder. It's cliché, and a little hard to work with imo.

I must agree. Although the information you present is fascinating, I feel like I'm reading an article. And that's not what I want; I want to read a story!

I would go with cutting this altogether. wouldn't it make the story five hundred times more interesting? I certainly think so. Take your first chapter and present action right away. Then scatter this info throughout the first few chapters using dialogue, flashbacks, etc.

It sounds like you've got a great concept going. just some polishing and you'll have a great story!