Young Writers Society

‘Hard A.I.’

The near whisper of the voice echoed in the otherwise silent room, ricocheting off the white, ceramic walls and the hard corners. All semblance of warmth was drained by the echo, leaving behind only a startlingly inhuman voice. ‘Machines truly able to think, consider, and feel. These qualities, long thought to be a possession only the biological could claim, have been granted to the mechanical.’ The man, a restrained smile tugging at his lips, paused a moment. And his eyes, hidden by the white glare that his fashionable glasses reflected, swept over the crowd.

In turn, they stared mutely back, every one of them sat straight backed in uncomfortable chairs.

Not one of them believed him. It had been clear from the very first sentence that escaped his mouth that the man was lying.

At best, he was delusional.

‘This has been an area of interest to Lynch Corporation for many years now,’ the man continued, ‘and our researchers, boasting many of the top scientists in the Northern Hemisphere, have succeeded.’ His right thumb twitched, clicking a device hidden in his closed fist. A large screen descended behind him and, with another twitch of his thumb, flashed into life. Countless lines of programming code, all of it painted in white, scrolled down the black screen. ‘Behind me you see but a tiny fragment of the code needed to simulate sentience.’ The smile widened. ‘Of course, I can not expect you to believe me based solely on this apparent-nonsense sprinting down the screen.’ He clapped his hands together once, letting the screen’s clicker fall from his palm to the floor with a metallic clunk. ‘That is why, ladies and gentleman, I am very happy to introduce to you today:

‘Alice.’

All semblance of warmth was drained by the echo, leaving behind only a startlingly inhuman voice. ‘Machines truly able to think, consider, and feel. These qualities, long thought to be a possession only the biological could claim, have been granted to the mechanical.’ The man, a restrained smile tugging at his lips, paused a moment. And his eyes, hidden by the white glare that his fashionable glasses reflected, swept over the crowd.

The people seem to come out of nowhere. Also, what are they? Are they people? Or some kind of machine? Maybe a little more description of the place they are in would clear up any confusion. You want the reader to be able to imagine what the place and people look like, but you don't want them to do all the work.

To me, it seems like it has the potential to be a really good story, but right now, it's too confusing. The reader doesn't understand whats going on. Perhaps, if/when you post the rest of the story, the reader will be able to understand it better.

I like this, but it's a little confsuing at parts.

He clapped his hands together once, letting the screen’s clicker fall from his palm to the floor with a metallic clunk. ‘That is why, ladies and gentleman, I am very happy to introduce to you today:

‘Alice.’

The screen's clicker? The wording is a little off here. Other then that, it sports a cool beginning to a story that I hope will continue. Good job!

-Joel-

this story sond like its going to be uber cool =]

hurry up and write the rest pweaaase ^.^

Thankies, Eva