Young Writers Society

(Just for safety reasons, this is going to be the last chapter I post on YWS. It's not that I don't trust anyone on YWS to not copyright my idea, but someone from outside the site might come in a steal my story and publish it as their own. Hopefully you'll all get to read the whole story once it gets published. Anyway, I hope this is the last time anyone will see .Hack// influence in my story. The main character does get sent to some dark place after he dies, but unlike the manga instead of meeting a girl and getting a strange item, he hears a voice and receives a mark on his palm. Once you guys read that part you'll see how it'll turn into an original story instead of what you've seen so far.)


Chapter 3:

When Dynamo opened his eyes he was laying in a dark place. The ground was covered with grass that was soft to the touch. When he looked around there was nothing to see, pure darkness everywhere he looked. A ray of light was shining down on him like a spotlight, but when he looked up there was nothing to see, just more darkness. He also noticed his name and HP bar weren’t floating over his head.

Where am I? he thought. He sat up and decided to check his map on the PSD. But when he opened the map menu the sphere that was supposed to represent the world appeared as a fuzzy image that in no way resembled a sphere. The word ‘Error’ in flashing red text appeared in front of the hologram.

This is weird, even the PSD doesn’t know where I am. He retraced his thoughts to see if he could remember how he got here. All he remembered, though, was fighting those stray dogs and levelling up. Then a dragon came and it attacked him. Everything went dark after that.

Wait, if everything went dark after that dragon attacked me, does that mean my character is dead? Even though his HP bar wasn’t showing over his character, there was another way to check his health. He opened his character’s status menu and looked at his HP count. Sure enough, it said zero. If my character is dead, then shouldn’t I be back at the main menu or something? Nothing like this ever happened in the demo…

Dynamo got to his feet to move around. The ray of light moved with him, lighting only the grass at his feet. After a few steps he called out into the darkness, “Hey! Is anybody here?”

“Welcome, young warrior.”

Dynamo jumped when he heard the voice. It spoke in a genderless tone and seemed to be coming from everywhere, and nowhere. “Who said that?”

“We are the Server Guardians, we protect the balance of law and order in the land of Drakonia.”

“Balance of order…? Are you part of Epicom?” Dynamo asked.

“We do not answer to Epicom, we reside within the code of Drakonia. We protect this world from those who would bend the laws of the game for their own selfish ends.”

“You mean, like, hackers?” Dynamo asked. This was all so strange, he had read lots of internet forums with his sister about Drakonia Online before they bought the game and none of them ever mentioned anything about Server Guardians.

“That is what you call these people, yes. It is also our duty to insure that all users are treated fairly and are never subjected to injustice.”

“Okay, that’s cool and all, but why am I here? Is my character dead?”

“It has been almost a year since Drakonia was forged, every day more and more people enter this wonderful world. Thus, the number of those who wish to bend the laws increases, as well as the amount of injustice the innocent must endure. We cannot enter Drakonia, thus we cannot address this problem directly. This is why you and eleven others have been chosen to act as our blades against this dilemma. You will fight for us to protect this world from the rising injustice and law breakers.”

Dynamo’s left palm suddenly caught on fire. He flung his arm in a blind panic, trying to shake out the flames as they ate through his glove. He finally settled for smothering the flames by rubbing his hand on the grass. He let out a relieved sigh when the fire was out, but when he turned his hand to see the damage that had been done and found a mark on his palm. It was in the shape of a fish. “What the heck is this?” he asked.

“This mark is a link to our power, and proof of your allegiance to us. When you are faced with great adversity, raise your hand and let the light of justice shine. Good luck, Pisces…”

The surrounding darkness suddenly changed to blinding light in a blink of an eye. A few seconds later Dynamo was back in Sunset Fields. His HP bar had returned to its spot over his head as full green. His character had been brought back to life. What just happened? he thought.

A scream tore Dynamo from his thoughts as he realized Amber was still in trouble. The dragon had her cornered against a tree. She screamed again as it lifted its claw and lashed out. She moved in time to dodge the hit as the dragon’s claw tore the tree asunder.

Dynamo called out to his sister, “Amber!”

Amber looked at him with wide eyes. “Dynamo?” The dragon turned to face Amber as it reared its head back, just like it had before it bathed Dynamo’s body in flames.

He remembered what the voice had told him. “When you are faced with great adversity, raise your hand and let the light of justice shine.” With the words still fresh in his mind he ran toward the dragon with his hand outstretched. His palm let out a beam of light that struck the monster, stopping it in its tracks. Its body jerked and spasmed as the word ‘Paralysed’ in bold yellow text appeared over its head.

“What just happened?” Amber asked.

Dynamo ran up to his sister and grabbed her arm. “There’s no time, let’s get out of here!” He knew that paralysis was only a temporary status effect, if they didn’t hurry the dragon would shake it off and come after them again. They fled to the safety of Horizon City’s gates.


Amber and Dynamo were completely out of breath when they reached Horizon City, but at least they were safe from the dragon. The game’s code makes it impossible for monsters to enter cities or towns. Amber was the first to say, “What happened out there? First that level twenty dragon shows up in a place it’s not supposed to and then you come back from the dead!” She turned to face her brother. He had collapsed on the ground in a panting heap. “How did you get that power, anyway?”

“Well…” Dynamo explained everything to his sister. He told her about the dark place with grass, the Server Guardians, and finally the mark on his hand. He finished by explaining, “Their exact words were, When you are faced with great adversity, raise your hand and let the light of justice shine.” He sighed, “I don’t know what’s going on, either. None of the forums we read said anything about this…”

“Maybe it’s a secret quest,” Amber suggested.

Dynamo gave her an odd look. “…What?”

“You know, a special quest that only opens for people in certain circumstances. Maybe if we find the eleven other people with marks on their palms we’ll get a rare item, or a super powerful weapon!”

“I don’t know, Amber…”

“Check your quest tracker,” she told him, “see if any new entries have been made.” Dynamo did what she told him and opened up the quest tracker on his PSD. A window labelled ‘Quest Tracker’ appeared in front of Dynamo. No new entries had been added. “That’s weird, maybe it’s a secret quest that doesn’t get added to the quest tracker?” Amber suggested.

“Well, whatever it is there’s nothing we can do about it now,” Dynamo said. “But one thing’s for sure, that dragon was way too strong to be in such a low level area. We need to contact a server admin and tell him about it so Epicom can fix the problem.” It took them a while, but they were able to find an admin inside Horizon City and report the issue of the dragon in Sunset Fields. He assured them that Epicom would fix the problem with the utmost haste, until then he cautioned them to be careful until then. They neglected to tell him about the mark on Dynamo’s hand, though…

Amber and Dynamo played the game for a few more hours, levelling up in Sunset Fields. They made sure they stayed near the gates of Horizon City just in case the dragon showed up again. That way the NPCs guarding the gates can fight it off while the two of them run to safety. They both reached level five before they had to log off and eat lunch. Afterward they went with their mom and dad to visit their grandparents. By the time they got home it was time for bed. Ryan couldn’t stop thinking about what happened with the Server Guardians and the mark on Dynamo’s hand. He couldn’t go to sleep right away because of it, so he decided to do something on his computer. He went to an unofficial forum site for Drakonia Online and created a new topic called ‘Server Guardians.’ In it he explained the experience he had in hopes that one of the eleven others the voice had mentioned would see it and contact him.

Now he had to play the waiting game…

(The interesting thing about the mark on his hand is, unlike in the manga where it always does the same attack, this thing's attacks will be random until he figures out how to control it. This time it induced the paralyze status effect, but next time it may be poison, or sleep, or it may even heal the enemy's wounds, or it just might not do anything at all. I remembered what kitty15 told me about giving the main character super powers and how she was happy I didn't do it. This way, instead of making him stronger this new power will be like playing Russian roulette. )

You should really number your chapters in the title, Dynamo. It will make it easier for people to navigate them.

Chapter 3:
When Dynamo opened his eyes [Comma here.] he was laying in a dark place. [Please don’t write ’a dark place’ say that it’s cold and dim or dank or lightless. Something a little bit more descriptive.] The ground was covered with grass that was soft to the touch. When he looked around there was nothing to see, pure darkness everywhere he looked. [These two sentences could be more interesting and used to build a strong atmosphere. Maybe ’Dynamo could feel soft, fragrant grass below him but his visibility was ridiculously limited. He turned his head from left to right, seeing darker shadows everywhere he looked.’] A ray of light was shining down on him like a spotlight, but when he looked up there was nothing to see, just more darkness. He also noticed his name and HP bar weren’t floating over his head.
Where am I? he thought. He sat up and decided to check his map on the PSD. But when he opened the map menu [Comma here.] the sphere that was supposed to represent the world appeared as a fuzzy image that in no way resembled a sphere. The word ‘Error’ in flashing red text appeared in front of the hologram.
This is weird, even the PSD doesn’t know where I am. He retraced his thoughts to see if he could remember how he got here. All he remembered, though, was fighting those stray dogs and [s]levelling[/s] leveling up. Then a dragon came and it attacked him. Everything went dark after that. [I’ve always despised the expression ‘everything went dark after that’ and it would be much more interesting if you described his thoughts after that point as being jumbled or described how they don’t exist, describe him thinking through it, trying to remember what cam next.]
Wait, if everything went dark after that dragon attacked me, does that mean my character is dead? Even though his HP bar wasn’t showing over his character, there was another way to check his health. He opened his character’s status menu and looked at his HP count. Sure enough, it said zero. If my character is dead, then shouldn’t I be back at the main menu or something? Nothing like this ever happened in the demo… [That leaves a lot of unanswered questions. Does it mean he never died in the demo or that he resurrected somewhere else? Be a little more specific.]
Dynamo got to his feet to move around. The ray of light moved with him, lighting only the grass at his feet. After a few steps he called out into the darkness, “Hey! Is anybody here?”
“Welcome, young warrior.”
Dynamo jumped when he heard the voice. It spoke in a genderless tone and seemed to be coming from everywhere, and nowhere. “Who said that?”
“We are the Server Guardians, we protect the balance of law and order in the land of Drakonia.”
“Balance of order…? Are you part of Epicom?” Dynamo asked.
“We do not answer to Epicom, we reside within the code of Drakonia. We protect this world from those who would bend the laws of the game for their own selfish ends.”
“You mean, like, hackers?” Dynamo asked. This was all so strange, he had read lots of internet forums with his sister about Drakonia Online before they bought the game and none of them ever mentioned anything about Server Guardians. [How is he feeling at this point? Confused? Worried? A little angry? Because it almost sounds like they’re accusing him of being a hacker and that would make me feel just a little insulted.]
“That is what you call these people, yes. It is also our duty to insure that all users are treated fairly and are never subjected to injustice.”
“Okay, that’s cool and all, but why am I here? Is my character dead?” [But he already asserted that his character is dead? A better question would be how do I get out or what happens now.]
“It has been almost a year since Drakonia was forged, every day more and more people enter this wonderful world. Thus, the number of those who wish to bend the laws increases, as well as the amount of injustice the innocent must endure. We cannot enter Drakonia, thus we cannot address this problem directly. This is why you and eleven others have been chosen to act as our blades against this dilemma. You will fight for us to protect this world from the rising injustice and law breakers.” [I like how these guys/ this guy speaks. There’s a nice, slightly archaic tone to the voice and you might want to play with that a little, make it stronger.]
Dynamo’s left palm suddenly caught on fire. [Literally? Describe the flames -- do they add extra light to the room and what colour are they? -- and try to avoid the word suddenly. A lot of the time it slows down the pace of a novel. If you want to show rapid action, simply use short sentences. The shorter the better.] He flung his arm around in a blind panic, trying to shake out the flames as they ate through his glove. He finally settled for smothering the flames by rubbing his hand on the grass. He let out a relieved sigh when the fire was out, but when he turned his hand to see the damage that had been done, he [s]and[/s] found a mark on his palm. It was in the shape of a fish. “What the heck is this?” he asked.
“This mark is a link to our power, and proof of your allegiance to us. When you are faced with great adversity, raise your hand and let the light of justice shine. Good luck, Pisces…” [Heh. I like the idea of it being a fish actually. Now how does Dynamo feel about this? Now that the pain has ebbed is he thinking, ‘cool, I have some sort of power’ or is he thinking ‘How lame, it’s a fish!’]
The surrounding darkness suddenly changed to blinding light in a blink of an eye. [Try to avoid colloquial phrases when you’re writing professionally. They’re nice if you’re trying to give your narrator a more colloquial, friendly voice but this sentence would be more effective with nice description: ’Suddenly, Dynamo was blinded by an alarmingly white light and he caught a painful glimpse of his surroundings: an empty, grassy field occupied only by a distant, foggy figure.’] A few seconds later [Comma here.] Dynamo was back in Sunset Fields. His HP bar had returned to its spot over his head as full green. His character had been brought back to life. What just happened? he thought.
A scream tore Dynamo from his thoughts as he realized Amber was still in trouble. The dragon had her cornered against a tree. She screamed again as it lifted its claw and lashed out. She moved in time to dodge the hit as the dragon’s claw tore the tree asunder.
Dynamo called out to his sister, “Amber!”
Amber looked at him with wide eyes. “Dynamo?” The dragon turned to face Amber as it reared its head back, just like it had before it bathed Dynamo’s body in flames.
He remembered what the voice had told him. “When you are faced with great adversity, raise your hand and let the light of justice shine.” With the words still fresh in his mind [Comma here.] he ran toward the dragon with his hand outstretched. His palm let out a beam of light that struck the monster, stopping it in its tracks. Its body jerked and spasmed as the word ‘Paralysed’ in bold yellow text appeared over its head.
“What just happened?” Amber asked.
Dynamo ran up to his sister and grabbed her arm. “There’s no time, let’s get out of here!” He knew that paralysis was only a temporary status effect, if they didn’t hurry the dragon would shake it off and come after them again. They fled to the safety of Horizon City’s gates.
Amber and Dynamo were completely out of breath when they reached Horizon City, but at least they were safe from the dragon. [s]The game’s code makes it impossible for monsters to enter cities or towns. [/s][color=red][Gah, unveiled info alert! Lol. Don’t tell your reader this, let them work it out for themselves. If you say that Horizon city is safe, that’s good enough.] Amber was the first to say, “What happened out there? First that level twenty dragon shows up in a place it’s not supposed to and then you come back from the dead!” She turned to face her brother. He had collapsed on the ground in a panting heap. “How did you get that power, anyway?”
“Well…” Dynamo explained everything to his sister. He told her about the dark place with grass, the Server Guardians, and finally the mark on his hand. He finished by explaining, “Their exact words were, When you are faced with great adversity, raise your hand and let the light of justice shine.” He sighed, “I don’t know what’s going on, either. None of the forums we read said anything about this…”
“Maybe it’s a secret quest,” Amber suggested.
Dynamo gave her an odd look. “…What?”
“You know, a special quest that only opens for people in certain circumstances. Maybe if we find the eleven other people with marks on their palms we’ll get a rare item, or a super powerful weapon!”
“I don’t know, Amber…”
“Check your quest tracker,” she told him, “see if any new entries have been made.” Dynamo did what she told him and opened up the quest tracker on his PSD. A window [s]labelled[/s] labeled ‘Quest Tracker’ appeared in front of Dynamo. No new entries had been added. “That’s weird, maybe it’s a secret quest that doesn’t get added to the quest tracker?” Amber suggested.
“Well, whatever it is there’s nothing we can do about it now,” Dynamo said. “But one thing’s for sure, that dragon was way too strong to be in such a low level area. We need to contact a server admin and tell him about it so Epicom can fix the problem.” It took them a while, but they were able to find an admin inside Horizon City and report the issue of the dragon in Sunset Fields. [This is starting to be too much telling. Describe their search for the admin. Show Amelia getting frustrated and suggesting they just go fight. Then show Dynamo’s sense of honour and have him refuse. Or the other way around. That’s the trouble, we still don’t know their personalities enough.] He assured them that Epicom would fix the problem with the utmost haste, [Semi colon instead of full stop.][s]until then[/s] he also cautioned them to be careful until then. They neglected to tell him about the mark on Dynamo’s hand, though…
Amber and Dynamo played the game for a few more hours, [s]levelling[/s] leveling up in Sunset Fields. They made sure they stayed near the gates of Horizon City just in case the dragon showed up again. [s]That way the NPCs guarding the gates can fight it off while the two of them run to safety.[/s] [Instead, briefly describe the guards there. In fact, cut the telling and have a little scene with Amber making fun of the guards perhaps. I could see her doing that from what I know so far of her personality. Then Dynamo could tell her not to and bring up the subject of their possibly needing help from them later.] They both reached level five before they had to log off and eat lunch. Afterward they went with their mom and dad to visit their grandparents. By the time they got home it was time for bed. Ryan couldn’t stop thinking about what happened with the Server Guardians and the mark on Dynamo’s hand. He couldn’t go to sleep right away because of it, so he decided to do something on his computer. He went to an unofficial forum site for Drakonia Online and created a new topic called ‘Server Guardians.’ In it he explained the experience he had in hopes that one of the eleven others the voice had mentioned would see it and contact him.
Now he had to play the waiting game…

I quite liked this chapter, Dynamo but you rushed it way too much at the end. The ending is dull and it’s all telling. You need to slow that down and describe it a little. Also, events outside of the game are just as important as the game: they’ll add characterization. That should be your priority right now. Show us who Amelia and Ryan really are. And show us if being in the game changes them a little. Are they perhaps less bold or maybe more bold because they know they’re not really getting hurt or killed? Show a little difference.

I suggest you write out the section of them at their grandparents and build the relationships within the family. Introduce other character who we can compare them to. Give your reader time to absorb all the game information you’ve given them with a nice filler scene.

But altogether, it’s developing quite well and I’m warming to the special powers thing. You brought it in more gently than I expected and I think it works quite well. But I’d like it better if something went drastically wrong next time he uses that power so that he’s scared to use it for a while and has to be persuaded by his sister.

Looking forward to reading more,

Heather xx

(Here's the re-edited version. I was actually thinking of having Dynamo's new power heal their enemies the next time he uses it.)


Chapter 3:

When Dynamo opened his eyes, he was laying in a cold and dim lit place. The air was so cold, in fact, that he could see his breath on the air. Dynamo could feel soft, fragrant grass below him but his visibility was ridiculously limited. He turned his head from left to right, seeing darker shadows everywhere he looked. A ray of light was shining down on him like a spotlight, but when he looked up there was nothing to see, just more darkness. He also noticed his name and HP bar weren’t floating over his head.

Where am I? he thought. He sat up and decided to check his map on the PSD. But when he opened the map menu, the sphere that was supposed to represent the world appeared as a fuzzy image that in no way resembled a sphere. The word ‘Error’ in flashing red text appeared in front of the hologram.

This is weird, even the PSD doesn’t know where I am. He retraced his thoughts to see if he could remember how he got here. All he remembered, though, was fighting those stray dogs and leveling up. Then a dragon came and it attacked him. His thoughts became jumbled and difficult to sort after that, as if something had knocked him unconscious.

Wait, if everything went dark after that dragon attacked me, does that mean my character is dead? Even though his HP bar wasn’t showing over his character, there was another way to check his health. He opened his character’s status menu and looked at his HP count. Sure enough, it said zero. If my character is dead, then shouldn’t I be back at the main menu or something? I died once when I played the demo and nothing like this ever happened…

Dynamo got to his feet to move around. The ray of light moved with him, lighting only the grass at his feet. After a few steps he called out into the darkness, “Hey! Is anybody here?”

“Welcome, young warrior.”

Dynamo jumped when he heard the voice. It spoke in a genderless tone and seemed to be coming from everywhere, and nowhere. “Who said that?”

“We are the Server Guardians, we protect the balance of law and order in the land of Drakonia.”

“Balance of order…? Are you part of Epicom?” Dynamo asked.

“We do not answer to Epicom, we reside within the code of Drakonia. We protect this world from those who would bend the laws of the game for their own selfish ends.”

“You mean, like, hackers?” Dynamo asked. This was all so strange, he had read lots of internet forums with his sister about Drakonia Online before they bought the game and none of them ever mentioned anything about Server Guardians. A jolt of panic struck his gut. “Wait, you don’t think I’m a hacker, do you? I don’t know the first thing about hacking!”

“No, we have brought you here for another reason. Aside from stopping these hackers as you call them, it is also our duty to insure that all users are treated fairly and are never subjected to injustice.”

“Okay, that’s cool and all, but why am I here? Did you bring me here? What do you want from me?”

“It has been almost a year since Drakonia was forged, every day more and more people enter this wonderful world. Thus, the number of those who wish to bend the laws increases, as well as the amount of injustice the innocent must endure. We cannot enter Drakonia, thus we cannot address this problem directly. This is why you and eleven others have been chosen to act as our blades against this dilemma. You will fight for us to protect this world from the rising injustice and law breakers.”

Dynamo’s left palm burst into blue flames. He flung his arm around in a blind panic, trying to shake out the flames as they ate through his glove. He finally settled for smothering the flames by rubbing his hand on the grass. He let out a relieved sigh when the fire was out, but when he turned his hand to see the damage that had been done, he found a mark on his palm. It was in the shape of a fish. “What the heck is this?” he asked.

“This mark is a link to our power, and proof of your allegiance to us. When you are faced with great adversity, raise your hand and let the light of justice shine. Good luck, Pisces…”

Dynamo felt discontent for having a fish burned into his hand, but before he could complain he was suddenly blinded by an alarmingly white light. In his moment of disorientation he caught a painful glimpse of his surroundings: an empty, grassy field occupied only by twelve distant, foggy figures. A few seconds later, Dynamo was back in Sunset Fields. His HP bar had returned to its spot over his head as full green. His character had been brought back to life. What just happened? he thought.

A scream tore Dynamo from his thoughts as he realized Amber was still in trouble. The dragon had her cornered against a tree. She screamed again as it lifted its claw and lashed out. She moved in time to dodge the hit as the dragon’s claw tore the tree asunder.

Dynamo called out to his sister, “Amber!”

Amber looked at him with wide eyes. “Dynamo?” The dragon turned to face Amber as it reared its head back, just like it had before it bathed Dynamo’s body in flames.

He remembered what the voice had told him. “When you are faced with great adversity, raise your hand and let the light of justice shine.” With the words still fresh in his mind he ran toward the dragon with his hand outstretched. His palm let out a beam of light that struck the monster, stopping it in its tracks. Its body jerked and spasmed as the word ‘Paralysed’ in bold yellow text appeared over its head.

“What just happened?” Amber asked.

Dynamo ran up to his sister and grabbed her arm. “There’s no time, let’s get out of here!” He knew that paralysis was only a temporary status effect, if they didn’t hurry the dragon would shake it off and come after them again. They fled to the safety of Horizon City’s gates.


Amber and Dynamo were completely out of breath when they reached Horizon City, but at least they were safe from the dragon. Amber was the first to say, “What happened out there? First that level twenty dragon shows up in a place it’s not supposed to and then you come back from the dead!” She turned to face her brother, who had collapsed on the ground in a panting heap. “How did you get that power, anyway?”

“Well…” Dynamo explained everything to his sister. He told her about the dark place with grass, the Server Guardians, and finally the mark on his hand. He finished by explaining, “Their exact words were, When you are faced with great adversity, raise your hand and let the light of justice shine.” He sighed, “I don’t know what’s going on, either. None of the forums we read said anything about this…”

“Maybe it’s a secret quest,” Amber suggested.

Dynamo gave her an odd look. “…What?”

“You know, a special quest that only opens for people in certain circumstances. Maybe if we find the eleven other people with marks on their palms we’ll get a rare item, or a super powerful weapon!”

“I don’t know, Amber…”

“Check your quest tracker,” she told him, “see if any new entries have been made.” Dynamo did what she told him and opened up the quest tracker on his PSD. A window labeled ‘Quest Tracker’ appeared in front of Dynamo. No new entries had been added. “That’s weird, maybe it’s a secret quest that doesn’t get added to the quest tracker?” Amber suggested.

“Well, whatever it is there’s nothing we can do about it now,” Dynamo said. “But one thing’s for sure, that dragon was way too strong to be in such a low level area. We need to contact a server admin and tell him about it so Epicom can fix the problem.”

“That’s the coward’s way of doing it,” Amber said. “Let’s just round up a big party and take that thing out ourselves!”

“No, Amber. It’s a glitch in the game, we need to report it to someone who knows how to fix it.”
Amber slumped her shoulders in defeat. “Fine, let’s go find the stupid admin.”

They began their search for the admin stationed in Horizon City. In order to be an admin you had to work for Epicom. All the admins in the game referred to themselves as part of Drakonia’s virtual defence squad, the Twilight Brigade. It was easy to spot them, they wore white armor with golden edges and designs, and their names were displayed above their heads in green font instead of the regular light blue. They finally found one patrolling the city square. His name was Slayer217. Dynamo approached the brightly armor clad knight. “Excuse me?”

“Can I help you?” he asked.

“Yes, we’d like to report a glitch in Sunset Fields. A level 20 dragon showed up and attacked us, even though the level cap for monsters in that area is level 5.”

“That’s strange, I’m pretty sure the designers would have noticed something like that when they were making the game.”

“It’s true!” Amber shouted, “A dragon just came out of nowhere and attacked us! We barely escaped with our character’s lives!”

“I’ll report this to Drakonia’s programming team right away,” he assured them. “Is there anything else you’d like to report?”

Dynamo looked down at his hand. He thought about telling him about the mark and the Server Guardians, but then he remembered that they had saved his character from death and gave him a power that he used to save his sister. He curled his hand into a fist and looked up to meet the admin’s eyes. “No, sir. Nothing else.”

“Alright. It may take a few hours for the programming team to rectify this glitch. If you’re planning on going back into Sunset Fields then be careful, and try to stay as close to the city as you can. That way if the dragon comes back the NPC’s guarding the city will protect you.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Amber and Dynamo played the game for a few more hours, leveling up in Sunset Fields. They did what Slayer told them and stayed near the gates of Horizon City just in case the dragon showed up again. Amber made fun of the guards, but Dynamo told her not to, arguing that even A.I. units can get angry. They both reached level five before they had to log off and eat lunch. Afterward they went with their mom and dad to visit their grandparents. By the time they got home it was time for bed. Ryan couldn’t stop thinking about what happened with the Server Guardians and the mark on Dynamo’s hand. He couldn’t go to sleep right away because of it, so he decided to do something on his computer. He went to an unofficial forum site for Drakonia Online and created a new topic called ‘Server Guardians.’ In it he explained the experience he had in hopes that one of the eleven others the voice had mentioned would see it and contact him.

Now he had to play the waiting game…

Dynamo,

This was quite a good piece of work you done.
It was slow at first but eventually it moved on and became quite a fun read!

What is the manga?
Where can I get it from?

Goodstuff!

The manga is called .Hack// The Legend of Twilight. It's a three book long sequal to the original .Hack// series. I'm not sure exactly where you can get it because the copies I read were at the school library, but I'm sure if you look through a bunch of book stores you'll find it.