The Earth didn't end in 2012; it just started over. None expected to make it back to 2012 but we did—for the 3rd time. Did I mention we've been genetically enhanced? You see, the human race divided into groups. Mammal. Reptile. Amphibian. Piscian. Insectian. Avian. Instead of puberty, you go through changes to determine which group you belong to. To top it off you have to face former friends, even siblings in the arena. While females are the lookouts, kinbearers, and politicians, males are trained throughout their lives for battle. Centuries ago the 3rd sun went supernova depleting resources. So every month a warrior from each group is sent into an all-terrain arena. Each month it's a different location. I'm sorry I almost forgot, I didn't introduce myself, my name is Cameron. See that picture? That's me.
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I'm a chameleon, and of all the people in my group they pick me. Well I have a plan. Running headfirst into a fight is not it. I'm going to wait it out undetected, covering up my scent and using my chameleon genes to blend in, until the others kill each other. Did I mention the fight's tomorrow?
Last edited by ERANBEAR on Thu May 20, 2010 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
They say the world is your oyster; but what if you keep kosher?
Hey Well, first of all I love the picture. It totally rocks. Your story definitely shows some potential. I felt though that you did not approach your subject well. It was as if I was reading a magazine article instead of a story. I think you should revisit the story again to also check for spelling mistakes because there are a couple in there. You know, get some suspense in there too because it is a story and you or Cameron is telling it. It is a novel right, judging by the chapter 1 in the title. I have to want to more. Your story line is great and it needs you to pull together all that passion and throw it in the story. There is no suspense in the story or originality. But, with more practice, I think we might have a winner here.
Hey Eran!! I love this subject!!! I'm a little confused about the world having 3 2010s...... That's okay though. I like the things you can change into. I'd probably be in the Mammalian or Avian.... This story has A LOT of potential, but it just needs a few tune ups. 1) The list of categories needs commas between them. 2) you missed in one spot a question mark. 3) You overly focus on the battle. tell us about life, how he was chosen, his fears, what rewards he will get. This chapter (I think) is too short to really pull me in. Right now, I'm not worried for him, and I don't particularly like him. He's too sure of himself. Tell us that maybe there is this Mammal guy who has been picked twice and always wins. Aren't you scared?? I know I would be. Overall: GREAT!! With a little tune ups, you'll have the BEST story ever!!
CHOW FOR NOW, sionarama
"You may not be educated well in the areas of etiquette and the like as a princess, but you do throw some bashing good parties!" Not all princesses are pink sparkles. Exhibit A
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