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Leander's Story Pt. 2



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Thu May 27, 2010 2:30 am
lunahlove says...



This is part 2 of Leander's Story. It's a bit long, because I wasn't sure where to cut it, sorry!


Leander's Story pt. 2



The bus for journalism had arrived around 0800, and ninety-three journalism majors – admittedly, the smallest field on campus – clambered into the extended vehicle.


Leander sat close to the front, next to Iris Watson, a short and very pretty girl from London-7. Fortunate enough to have gotten the window-seat, Leander sat with her forehead pressed against the window. She always enjoyed doing this – it was fun to watch the bus’s metal plates hover over the iron road, swinging on the turns. Sometimes, if they hit a particularly sharp curve, her heart would lurch and she’d wonder if there was enough bend to pull away from the road’s magnetic grip and flip over, but accidents like that were few and far between.


It was close to 0830 now, and the museum would be up ahead in minutes. Leander turned to Iris, looking to start a conversation. Briefly, she considered bringing up what Kalliope had said, about the city shutting down Journalism, but thought against it. It wouldn’t help, at any rate. “Hey, Iris, what do you think we’ll find at the museum?”


Iris took a moment to respond, puckering her lips in a mirror. Her hair, a light blond color today, crackled with intensity. Sometime in second year, Iris had gotten special filaments transplanted into the roots of her hair. Via remote control, she had complete control over what her hair color, texture, and shape was, the only downside being the crackling noises that gave the surgery away. “Probably nothing,” Iris finally answered, putting her mirror away and looking at Leander. “I expect there’s just some new transfers from London, they were building last time I went with my little brother.” Iris made a face, crinkling her nose in what looked like a rehearsed-cute fashion.


“Are they allowed to assign us completely useless assignments?”


Iris opened her mouth for response, but the both turned at someone’s cry of “Finally!”


The museum, a large and intimidating building, loomed over the curve. A large grey dome, it housed most of the history of Greece within its walls. If the museum looked large, it was nothing compared to the building behind it. Glassy, gigantic, and almost-lethal looking, the Andromeda Center for Science was connected to the museum through a thin but enclosed walkway that led around the back of the Science Center. Closed off to the public, the only purpose for the attachment was to establish that the museum did in fact exist solely because the Science Center made it so.


The bus stopped in front of the building. Students clambered out in packs, gathering in a large group closer to the school than the museum. Leander followed Iris and a few other journalist majors out of the bus, and shielded her eyes almost instantly from the glaring sun. “Now what?” she asked Iris, squinting at the door. Iris shrugged.


“We go in?” Leander glared at her, and Iris chuckled a little bit.


*****


Inside the museum, the students broke up into several small groups, each headed out to various areas of the museum to look for something to report. Leander followed closely behind Iris, who headed immediately for the ‘building in process’ sign.


Leander peeked behind a set of large translucent curtains, hung from the ceiling and reaching all the way down to the floor, a good eighty meters in length. There didn’t appear to be much, just some marble statues and a large plaque with Greek written on it. She frowned.


The set was maybe thirty meters across, and didn’t look very busy. Workers ambled around lazily, one of them occasionally talking to a short, balding man who appeared to run the group. A bright yellow door bordered the edge of the set, which Leander assumed was the door leading to the Science Center. Nothing here seemed newsworthy, and Leander was about ready to turn around and follow one of the other kids – until the door caught her eye again. Something bright flashed in the door’s small, rectangular window, just for a moment. Leander looked again. There it is – what the HELL is that?


It was a face – a bright white face, so shiny and smooth it could have been metal. Large eyes peered through the door at the workers – and then at Leander, and suddenly, the face ducked and disappeared. Leander blinked, unsure of what she had just seen. “Iris…?”


Iris was already well in the set, talking to one of the men carrying a ladder over his shoulder. She wouldn’t have noticed.


It only took a moment to figure out what she wanted to do. Not like there’s a story here, in any case. And I can easily play dumb if I’m caught.


Leander strode towards the door nonchalantly, pretending to examine the curtain. When she reached it, she took a moment to peer inside. She couldn’t see anything but a wide hallway, curving out of sight.
Carefully, she opened the door, holding her breath, waiting for the alarm.


Nothing happened, but the door clicked open softly.


Leander breathed out, and slipped in carefully. She shut the door softly behind her, and turned towards the hall. The walls were painted a friendly shade of yellow, and she didn’t notice any cameras on the walls – but that could be misleading. Leander started into the hallway.


This is a stupid idea, there’s no story here. Even if there is, I’ll bet I wouldn’t be allowed to write it. Turn it in and…what, get arrested? Stupid Leander. Turn around. That always was one of her faults – ‘You’re too damned curious,’ her dad always said. ‘Haven’t you ever heard about the cat that died from that?’ She didn’t have any idea what he was talking about, of course, but it wasn’t a lie – and this looked like the worst time for curiosity to kick in. But there was a face in this hallway where it didn’t look like it should be, and it didn’t look human.


Leander froze. A quiet, giggling sound was coming from somewhere up ahead. It sounded almost like a little girl, but she couldn’t be sure. She started walking faster, careful to keep her footsteps quiet. The hallway must have been close to the Science Center at this point – it had been curving around for some time.


As though confirming her trail of thoughts, a door broke the steady wall that had been guiding her. It was partially opened, a bright light shining through the cracks. Sucking on the inside of her cheek, Leander tapped the door lightly. When nothing happened, she pushed it farther, shielding her eyes from the bright light.


Inside, the room was stark white, shiny, clean, almost ethereal. A table stood in the center of this bright room, suspended by thick cords that hung from the ceiling. It was bare.


Leander frowned. There was nothing in here – just a lab of sorts, it looked like. Sorely disappointed, she turned to leave, wondering briefly what time it was.


Another giggle echoed throughout the room, definitely coming from the lab. She turned back to it, scanning the room more carefully.


There was a figure pressed up against the wall, just as white. Leander took a step towards the object, hoping that it wasn’t an illusion.


It wasn’t – a pair of eyes opened quickly, and before Leander could cry out in response, the object was over her, pinning her to the table, a cold, metallic hand held firmly over her mouth.


Leander jerked her head away, and the thingwiththeface stepped back. She leaned back onto the table, muttering obscenities under her breath, not quite willing to tear her eyes away but wishing with every fiber in her being that she’d just left that damned door alone. Why couldn’t she use common sense, why didn’t she just follow Iris, now this thing was staring at her and – and opening it’s mouth and it was talking.

“Your name is Leander Andrews. You are 23 years old, Caucasian, majoring in Journalism. Right now you’re scared shitless and you should be, seeing as you’re sneaking into a government center right now. I won’t tell, though.”
Leander blinked. Oh shit. “W-what?”


The thing gave a dramatic sigh, looking every bit like a frustrated, mechanical teenager. “Stupid. Ok, I’ll cut to the chase. I don’t think you can handle much more than that anyways.” Somewhere in the back of her mind, it registered to Leander that she had just been insulted. “Here are the terms: Open your mouth about me, and you die. Do me a favor, and you live. Don’t do me a favor, you die. Fail at the favor, you also die. If I were you, I’d do the favor.”


“What? No, wait,” Leander said, starting to catch on, “what are you talking about? Who are you and why would I do you a favor? Where am I –”


The thing put its hand over Leander’s mouth again. “Shut your trap. Let’s start all over, okay sweetie? You’re in a government laboratory, one that you really shouldn’t be in, especially while I’m here. I won’t tell anyone you’ve broken at least three laws as long as you do me a favor. There aren’t any cameras in here or the hallway you passed through because I’m here – well, other people too, but mostly me. Which means you getting caught is at my discretion, and your ability to follow directions.”


Leander nodded, finally understanding just what was going on – she was screwed.


“Now,” the thing continued, “I am an android. Officially, documents have named me A-21, but seeing as I am sentient, I insisted on a name. They call me Hero. I picked it out myself,” the android – apparently female, from the name – added, with a hint of pride in her voice.


“You’re an android,” Leander echoed.


The thing – Hero – smiled brightly. “Yup. There’s a few of us, actually. I’m relatively old, though, the newer ones have cool gadgets.”


Leander’s mouth opened and closed a few times, rather like a fish gasping for air, until she gave up trying to respond. Hero watched her, amused, for a few moments before continuing. “So, where was I? Oh yeah. I’m an android. And there are loads of us. And we’re mostly just sitting here as experiments. Except the scientists – mostly Dr. Radshaw’s pushing this – are pushing to get all the information they can out of us older androids, because – well, it’s not ‘cost productive’ to keep us for much longer,” Hero explained, and Leander was pulled out of her reverie long enough to note the tinge of resentment in Hero’s otherwise very methodical voice.


“They’re getting rid of you?” she asked bluntly. Hero nodded, eyeing her carefully. “So. That’s… um… sucks for you,” she finished lamely, not quite sure of what she was supposed to say.


“Not quite.”


“What?”


Hero gave her a bright smile. “Well, I’ll put it this way – if it sucks for me, it will suck for you too. This is the part where the favor comes in.” Oh. “You’re going to get me out of here.”


Wait – what?


Leander recoiled as though she had been slapped. “What?” she gasped, looking around fearfully as though someone might have snuck into the room. She turned back to Hero, a look of utter dismay mangling her face. “You want me to break you out? But that’s – that’s stealing from the government, that is, I’d be killed if they found me, I’d die!” Leander’s voice had reached a high pitch, the expression on her face manic. “There’s no way in hell I’d – you – ” She broke off, her face falling as Hero’s grin spread wide across her face. “You’re going to make me do it anyway,” she said pathetically.


“Like I said,” Hero smirked, “Two out of three ways, you get caught. If I were you, I’d come up with an amazing plan to get me out of here.”
Last edited by lunahlove on Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Thu May 27, 2010 3:35 pm
midnightread says...



Hi lunahlove
I love this paragraph
Iris took a moment to respond, puckering her lips in a mirror. Her hair, a light blond color today, crackled with intensity. Sometime in second year, Iris had gotten special filaments transplanted into the roots of her hair. Via remote control, she had complete control over what her hair color, texture, and shape was, the only downside being the crackling noises that gave the surgery away. “Probably nothing,” Iris finally answered, putting her mirror away and looking at Leander. “I expect there’s just some new transfers from London, they were building last time I went with my little brother.” Iris made a face, crinkling her nose in what looked like a rehearsed-cute fashion.

It gives a really clear picture of the girl Iris.
Is this sentence
There didn’t appear to be much, just some marble statues and a large plaque with Greek written on it.

talking about the language or the actual country? You need to make that clearer.
I love the end of it as it's a really good cliffhanger and it makes me want to carry on reading.
When you post more can you pm me?
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Mon May 31, 2010 10:58 pm
Snoink says...



Hahaha, at first I thought this was going to turn into a ghost story... but this is even better! I love Hero, lol. He's awesome. Of course, Leander's kind of silly... I was all, DON'T GO DOWN THE DOOR.

But still! Crazy android! One question... how could the android actually kill her if she failed at her mission? It doesn't make sense... if she fails, Hero's dead anyway, so he can't really do anything about it.

Still! Awesome chapter! Looooove it!
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Mon May 31, 2010 11:02 pm
lunahlove says...



OHSHITOHSHIT I THOUGHT I ADDRESSED THAT

must have been in the drafts. yeah, it was a weak premises, so my reasoning in the draft when something like this

hero: you will die if you don't do this
leander: hello, you're the one escaping, retard, you will too
hero: (one of two responses, the first more plausible, but the second was what i used) i'm going to be terminated anyway/who are they gonna believe, you or me?


Thanks :)
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Mon May 31, 2010 11:07 pm
Snoink says...



Haha, that's true! Another thing you can do... when she's not scared shitless (like... you know... when Hero kind of attacks her) she can be thinking, "What if I don't do that?" and then Hero's message to her would basically make her go, "Oh shit! I have to do this." Just as long as you cover it eventually. ;)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Mon May 31, 2010 11:14 pm
lunahlove says...



That's a good idea :) It's boring to have her in one mood the entire time, just going 'ohshitohshitohshit', and it's slightly uncharacteristic of her - she'd be pissed and rejecting it before she'd bow down in submission. I'll go through and do some editing later tonight, perhaps when I get more feedback (and more things to edit, so I can do it all in one go :P)
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Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:12 am
SnapesOnAPlane says...



I like how the Android has a sassy personality. She's not what you'd expect.

So, do the citizens know that Androids exist, or have they been kept under wraps? I'm a little confused.
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Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:31 am
lunahlove says...



Completely under wraps :) most of the government doesn't even know they exist; only the scientists workin on the project and the top dogs
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Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:42 am
Snoink says...



lunahlove wrote:Completely under wraps :) most of the government doesn't even know they exist; only the scientists workin on the project and the top dogs


Kind of like the Manhattan Project! :D

Just one thing... wouldn't the higher ups guard it better than that? ;)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

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Tue Jun 01, 2010 1:53 pm
lunahlove says...



Fersirius dude, wouldn't they? The best I came up with was this, which was all of a single line in the story:

"I won’t tell anyone you’ve broken at least three laws as long as you do me a favor. There aren’t any cameras in here or the hallway you passed through because I’m here – well, other people too, but mostly me. Which means you getting caught is at my discretion, and your ability to follow directions."


I had my own train of thought, written recently in an essay, that I couldn't fit into that conversation casually. It was an essay about how Hero was a failure as an android, because she was so human, down to picking out her own name. The scientists have, in every report, forged results to hide that they fucked up so bad/have found a technology to create humans from scratch. Hero's time is almost up, and they sort of pulled her out of the androids' usual location to keep her away from the rest of them. The room she was in was not her usual room (this part I suppose I could've easily inserted into the story, but I think things in wholes, my bad :P), but a temporary base for her until they could place her in a more private room. The most I alluded to all of this was that she was not in any storage facility, but instead she was in:

a lab of sorts, it looked like
.

Fail me.
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Wed Jun 02, 2010 5:49 am
zankoku_na_tenshi says...



Hi again, lunahlove!

I really like this second chapter very much, it gets the plot moving forward very quickly while introducing a little bit more of Leander’s world and her surroundings. I like the sudden turn that the plot took, and I’m very curious to see where this situation with Leander and Hero is going to lead.

I liked all the little elements in the background that firmly set this story in the future, without overemphasizing the concept too much. I especially liked the reference to Iris’s hair surgery—not only does it help establish the setting, but it shows something about the character in question and the society she lives in—namely, that both can be rather superficial. You seem to be really great at subtle characterization things like that. ^_^

Speaking of characters, I quite like Hero so far. I like her snarky personality and her toughness as well as her bitterness, and I think she makes a good character to place alongside Leander—they have many similarities and yet many differences, and I think their interactions bring out a little in both of them.

Snoink makes a lot of good points, so keep listening to her, because she’s awesome and makes my reviews look a bit like drivel. XDD As such, I’m not sure I have any legitimate plot critiques to give you yet, as you seem to have caught most of the things that didn’t make sense to me.

I suppose I did catch one grammar thing:

Leander strided towards the door nonchalantly, pretending to examine the curtain.

I don’t think “strided” is a word—it should be “strode.”

Otherwise, Snoink caught everything I was going to say, so all I have left to say is—well done, and keep writing! I’ll gladly check by chapter three if you would like me to. : )
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Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:44 pm
lunahlove says...



Thanks so much for the review <3

I didn't even notice that mistake, I always use strided. My bad :P Thanks for taking the time to read everything. Even though I haven't replied to the part 1 comment you gave, by the way, I did go through and fix those mistakes you pointed out, so thanks!

I'd much apprciate you reading part 3, more eyes are always appreciated. ♥
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