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Cadet Challenge Chapter Two: A battle Within Darkness



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Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:26 am
KingLucifer says...



Cadet Challenge Chapter 2: A battle within Darkness.

Now I know what you might be thinking ain’t I in way over my head with a three verses one? It’s true looking at the chances I don’t have a chance at winning. But I thought on how to win before even picking at the area of my choice. Simple answer is: Darkness. So I ran down the steps in the basement counting how long I got before I have company.

“10, 11, 12, 13.” I counted in my head.

I turned off the steps in a long narrow hall, the place was dark and hard to see in. I placed my hand on the left wall. Until I felt I hit another hall and turned off to the left ran down it and came to a one lightbulb light room. It was filled with boxes of supplies and old junk the school didn’t care for anymore it has monitors and old computer’s used to use, But that wasn’t important.

“17. 18. 19 20.” I kept counting on.

I hid behind a huge stack of boxes, That covered most of the left wall. I put my back against the wall and slid down almost instantly my plan went though my head, Then I heard voices.

“Split up and find him.” I heard.

it sounded like James was deemed squad leader for the three. It only made him more of a threat in this game then any. But I was working on priorities first. My first priority was my friend Amanda, she hated the dark let alone being alone in it. I heard footsteps coming from the hall they were heavy so it wasn’t Amanda.

“Thump, thump, thump”

I peeked over the boxes and saw James, he was wearing his light blue collared shirt with sweats he had a big muscular look to him with a baby face sort of thing. With short curly brown hair and brownish skin he looked like he could take on an army.

“Where are you Stoddard?” he said.

He started approaching the boxes, I got one knee and moved silently around the boxes as he was turning them. I moved reluctantly having to take a chance and get spotted by Amanda or Robert.

“Yea of course you wouldn’t be here.” He said.

Turned and went back the way he came. Which was good cause then I run the risk of Robert or Amanda coming in and seeing me then opening fire on me and with James standing their I would be cornered and finished off quickly.

“Yea keep walking idiot.” I thought to myself.

He walked to the other side of the room checking the corners but didn’t say anything and started walking towards the hall, Stopped and pull out what seemed to be a phone.

“Valencia, Velazquez report in.” he said.


“Nothing on my end sergeant.” I heard Amanda.

“Nothing on my end sergeant.” I heard Robert.

I smirked knowing that they had a way to keep in contact. And I had a way to keep tabs on them. This just put things to even greater risk seeing how they come looking for one if they didn’t report in. This made me rethink my plan.

“Find Stoddard I want to whip that smile off his face.” he said.

They didn’t say anything James put the phone away and continued down the hall. I decided to tail him to find out where the other two were. The darkness of the hall would cover me if the other two were to come by and look my way. I did my best to follow James but the darkness was working for me and against me. So I listened to the sound of his steps to help me track him, We past a hall way when I heard him stop.

“You find him yet?”

There was no answer.

“Alright you go the way I came I’ll keep heading this way.” his footsteps continued on in the same direction but a new step of footsteps were coming towards me.

“Tap. Tap, tap.”

they were light and quick almost running as if. I silently moved back and into the hall I passed. The footsteps got quicker.

“Tap, tap, tap, tap.”

A gust of wind hit my face something fast and light had just ran past me. I peeked out into the hallway and a shadowy figure was running towards the one lightbulb room as the figure stepped into the light I saw who it was, Amanda.

“Perfect timing.” I thought to myself.

Still crouching down I slowly moved towards her hoping she keep her back turned long enough for me to sneak up on her. As I got behind her I took a deep silent breath, Amanda would scream on the second I didn’t cover her mouth alerting James just down the hall and where ever Robert was.

“Have to act quick here.” I said quietly.

I popped up behind her and grabbed her by the waste and at the mouth. She must have thought I was going to rape her or something she was yelling though her mouth trying to get James attention. I whispered into her ear.

“Amanda calm down its me!” I said quietly.

She seemed to settle down and relax.

“Promise not to scream if I let go? Tap twice on my leg.” I said.

And I felt her hand tap twice. I let go but the game wasn’t the first thing she said to me, she pulled me close.

“Ever sneak up on me again like that and I’ll break your fingers you got that?!” She said with a tad bit of anger in her voice.

I nodded slightly amused but guilt quickly took that away when I saw a tear go down her cheek.

“Sorry.” I said.

She nodded and rubbed her eyes, I knew I made a mistake afterwards. I gave her a minute to collect herself before I pressed on. She took a deep shaky breath.

“Alright I’m better now.” she said.

I nodded and looked down the hall and listened for any steps.

“So where’s Robert at?” I said.

Guarding the only exit out of here. James and me are supposed to be searching for you right now.” she said.

“Alright then your betraying your own team for telling me this you know?” I said.

She nodded looking off down the hallway as if watching for James.

“I know I was kind of hoping you have an idea on how to make it seem like I wasn’t.” she said

I smirked when she looked towards me.

“What are you going to do now?” she said.


“Hope you like being tired up.” I said.

I walked over to the many boxes and started to open some of them. I was lucky on my first try I found duck tape, yes duck tape, I’m not joking. Then I heard four loud footsteps charging down the hall coming so quick I barely had time to act. I left the box the way it was, and ducked behind the boxes near the corner. James and Robert bursted into the room, guns locked in and ready to fire.

“Shit” I thought.

“Where is he?” Robert said.

“Who?” Amanda replied

“Stoddard” James said

“He ain’t here.” she said.

I peeked over the boxes enough to see what they were doing James was looking in my direction. He smiled then turned back towards Amanda.

“Your lying.” he said.

“I swear I’m not.” she said

“Prove yourself then, take your gun and fire on Stoddard.” he said.

“But I don’t know where he is.” She said

Just then a thought passed though my head, which had Amanda’s loyalty? Would she betray me and help James to prove she had nothing to do with me in this game? Or would she betray him and fire on him allowing me to fire on Robert? Either way, It would be a fire fight.

“Walk over behind all those boxes and shoot around there I have a feeling your lying.” James said.

She did as he said, she walked over behind the crates I could see her clearly but the one thing I noticed was her aim was off, she was aiming at the center and not right at me. I quickly realized she was giving me time to react. I pulled my knife and pistol out silently and went after grabbing her from behind. I kept the knife at her throat and gun out ready to fire on James or Robert.

“Well, well taking a hostage eh Stoddard?” he said with a smirk.

“Only way I’m going to get out of this Amanda won’t mind in the end.” I said.


“This is some really cheap shit Stoddard let her go and fight like a man!” Robert said.

“Stop complain Robert, you do the same if you were in my position.” I said.

I moved slowly with Amanda, past Robert who was scowling at me. As I reached the hallway I was beside myself that I had made it this far.

“Please don’t go into the darkness I hate it there.” She said.

What was I doing? I was about to go into a dark hallway somewhere she hated. Right before I entered I let go and kicked her off. I took my pistol and shot at her randomly I heard a voice call out.

“Two hearts remaining.”

I turned and ran down the dark hallway, As fast as I could I heard James behind me.

“After him!” he yelled.

I kept turning off at hallways hoping to loss them but they kept sounding closer and closer.

“Need to get away I” I thought to myself.

I was running hard and fast. Until finally I hit a dead end, no where to go, no where to hide, I was trapped.
Last edited by KingLucifer on Fri Dec 09, 2011 11:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
An angel, a knight, a man who will bring light to where there is only darkness, I am the Morning Star, the Bringer of Light, hail to me as I am King Lucifer!

Formerly: Avalon
  





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Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:44 am
ShadeZ942 says...



Well, I haven't read the first chapter ( I know, lazy of me :p), but the story seems interesting so far.

There are grammatical errors everywhere and I don't have the time to list them all. Perhaps before posting, read it to yourself and find those little mistakes.

For instance in the first paragraph you have;
Now I know what you might be thinking ain’t I in way over my head with a three verses one? It’s true looking at the chances I don’t have a chance at winning. But I thought on how to win before even picking at the area of my choice. Simple answer is: Darkness. So I ran down the steps in the basement counting how long I got before I have company.


Perhaps you could have something like; Now I know what you might be thinking, I'm in way over my head, with the odds of three verses one, and it's true, I probably don't have a chance of winning. But perhaps there is once chance for me, one chance to survive. If I stay In the cover of darkness, a faint hope still remains. So I ran down the steps in the basement counting how long I got before I have company.

Well just a thought, i'm not really good at reviews, lol. But anyway, an interesting story, I would like to see how it develops.
Hmmm. Do I have a favourite saying? If I did it would be wise and thoughtful. Something people would remember with ease. How about something like; May the Force be with you? Yes. That sounds completely original and inspiring.
  





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Sun Nov 06, 2011 9:00 am
KingLucifer says...



I'm sorry I had to laugh at the correct you made with the first paragraph. it's not a haha your stupid but a kind of you got my character wrong kind of funny. See what I ask of ALL my reveiwer's is that they go back and read previous chapter/'s before giving their full reveiw on the current chapter. they way I am is that I'm a smart arrogant kind of guy and the main character is me. so what I did was make him sound smart while keeping making myself look arrogant.
An angel, a knight, a man who will bring light to where there is only darkness, I am the Morning Star, the Bringer of Light, hail to me as I am King Lucifer!

Formerly: Avalon
  





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Sun Nov 20, 2011 4:27 pm
Simbacub says...



Hey there! Are you sure you're 15? Cuz this wasn't bad at all and I wouldn't expect this from a 15 year old...hell forget what I just said i'm only 16 XP anyway, there were quite a lot of grammatical errors but from what I read hardly any spelling, in quite a few sentences you started with a small case letter, there are to many to list so maybe a good review of that will clear all those up. I just want to say keep up the good work and continue writing I'd like to see where this goes :)
  








A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
— Unknown