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Young Writers Society


Prologue



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Gender: Male
Points: 9525
Reviews: 249
Sat Nov 19, 2011 9:42 am
murtuza says...



The stage was set, the program was about to start. The audience was seated, a few still coming in and struggling to find a seat to observe. Everyone had come, from mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters to aunts, uncles and grandparents.

Our annual prize day ceremony was about to begin and it was the only program that we all looked forward to throughout the whole academic year. I felt all nervous about going up there and saying my lines for the 12th standard farewell speech and I constantly checked to see whether my suit looked well enough while I remembered my mom gleefully giving me the thumbs with her proud trademark smile when I first tried it on.

I also remember the Headmaster’s daunting words about him wanting to have the seniors’ farewell program and the prize day program as one event and wanting me to prepare for the farewell speech in just one day. I was hesitant at first but he had me forcefully convinced when he gave me one of his boring over-dramatic lectures on why I shouldn’t decline the honour of saying the speech and all.

So here I was, with my much uninspired speech that I clasped firmly in my hand hoping I won’t forget anything. Sid walks in from back-stage and comes to me with his every excited face, probably because it is his first time receiving the prize for being the topper of his class.

I was ecstatic for him as well. It isn’t usual for the jester of the school to get the prize for 1st rank, or any prize for that matter. I was immensely proud of hi. He had changed a lot in these past 2 years.
“Yo, when is this program going to start? Don’t they know I have a prize to receive?!” Sid said, obviously impatient.
“I hope it stays this way, I’m not looking forward to going up there with this horrible speech, man!”, I reply in dread.
“Aw man, when will you ever get rid of your stage fright? Just relax. This isn’t your first time”
“Still, it was only yesterday that Puro sir told me to do it.”
“Hmm… okay, let me tell you joke. So this dude walks into a library and says to the librarian, ‘I would like a burger and a coke’. The librarian says, ‘I’m sorry but this is a library’. The dude apologizes and then whispers, ‘I’d like a burger and a coke’”

I started laughing uncontrollably. Sid knows it was one of my favourite jokes of his and even though I’ve heard it at least a thousand times I still laugh when he tells it.
“heheh… every time, man!” I said, noting the fact that I heard the joke for the 1001st time.
“Ya, I know” he said, giving me that comforting grin of his.
Sid always knew how to cheer me up. Whether his attempt was successful or not, it always managed to work.

“Attention to all those present. The program is about to begin. All students involved in the program, please assemble at your positions and I request all the guests to remain calmly seated. Thank you”, was the announcement from the speakers with our English teacher Miss Evelyn manning the microphone as I could make out by the voice.

This meant that Sid had to go back to his place, seated along with all the other eager students who were getting their prizes. I was supposed to be there too but I had a speech to make so I remained at my place, side-stage.

I bid farewell to Sid as he wished me luck on my forthcoming endeavor on-stage and we both punch each others’ knuckles. I could see him walking his way to the seats, with one hand of his inside one of his pant-pockets, as was his usual style.

Looking up on-stage I saw Pasha and Zeenat, the two MCs looking gorgeous while they prepped themselves for the spotlight. They saw me and waved and air-kiss to me and I waved at them back. They sign-languaged me to get ready and stay calm and give me the thumbs up sign for good luck.

I responded in the same way to wish them luck and to express that they looked beautiful. They both winked at me together and turned towards the audience to start.

I could see Sheryl, Dhruv, Craig and Aman running around backstage trying to get their costumes ready for the Play. Faizaan and Guru were among the audience, making sure that all of us who were in the program were cheered.

The curtains were lifted and the loud audience suddenly became silent. The program started and the MCs welcomed everyone to the ‘Annual Prize Day-Cum-seniors’ Farewell Ceremony’.

Our Headmaster Mr. Puro(who was sporting his usual odd clothing), our Principal Rev. Fr. Fernandez and our Chief Guest all entered the auditorium together and seated themselves in their respective places. The program had started.

It would be a good 2 two hours before I would go on-stage. Time went by, Prizes were given, Sid got his prize and received a standing ovation from Mr. Puro and Fr. Fernandez(They were proud of him too). I got mine as well, for second place.

I noticed my friends all cheering me on and ma, standing in the sea of the audience, waving at me and taking a snap. The prize distribution event had finally been done.

The Play started, starring my group of friends who just 45 minutes ago were scrambling about were now at ease, entering the stage in-character. The play finished with applause from the audience and now it was the closing half of the program where the Farewell Ceremony began.

After a few very interesting and inspirational speeches from the Chief Guest and our Principal, we had Mr. Puro come on-stage and say his speech. The audience was still quiet, but only because they were bored. Once he finished his chirpy, witty and entertaining address, the crowd came to a good mood.

Puro sir winked at me when he came down and it was only then that I realized that it was my turn to go on stage for my speech. Beads of sweat suddenly accumulated my forehead and the once dry piece of paper in my hand containing the matter for the speech soon became a little wet because of the sweat from my hands.

I kept it down on the chair to prevent any more wetness. Zeenat and Pasha very excitedly announce my arrival on stage and I hastily but hesitantly walk towards it, forgetting my paper.

I noticed only half way through walking that I had forgotten my important document and curse the fates for this happening.

I can’t go back and get it because the spotlight is already on me and it would seem awkward if I would have to travel back to my chair just for that paper (that very important paper!).

While I walked, with each step, time went by slowly as the feeling of panic seeped into me. I had forgotten my whole speech by now and I thought to myself, Calm down, you just have to go on-stage and talk about your experiences and what you’ve learned. Then I think again, well, what HAVE I learned?

At that moment, everything I had gone through in the past two years came back to me. And in a heart-beat, I was prepared for my speech and had known the gist of what I was about to say. I had reached for the steps and began climbing up on-stage towards the podium.

While the spotlight was hitting my face like a weight I couldn’t lift off, I reached for the mic to adjust it. My friends and family both eagerly gazed at me with their confidence. I wiped my forehead with my handkerchief, smile to everyone and begin...
It's not about the weight of what's spoken.
It's about being heard.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1204
Reviews: 5
Sat Nov 19, 2011 2:05 pm
OyVey says...



Grammar and punctuation:

So here I was, with my much uninspired speech that I clasped firmly in my hand hoping I won’t forget anything.


Your tense changes from past to present (clasped to hoping). Perhaps the line could flow more smoothly if you broke up this sentence into several, and used more descriptive language than 'firmly.' (Ex: the paper's crinkling, your hand seizing up around, etc.)

“Hmm… okay, let me tell you joke. So this dude walks into a library and says to the librarian, ‘I would like a burger and a coke’. The librarian says, ‘I’m sorry but this is a library’. The dude apologizes and then whispers, ‘I’d like a burger and a coke’”

You forgot a period. End punctuation. Same for:

"Ya, I know” he said, giving me that comforting grin of his.


There's a comma after 'know.' There are several other places that need commas or periods, and one actually has one too many:
“I hope it stays this way, I’m not looking forward to going up there with this horrible speech, man!”, I reply in dread.


I like the subject of this piece; stage-fright is a universal theme. There's not one of us who hasn't experienced it. So I suggest adding more introverted descriptions of the piece, not just narrative--have the narrator describe how he feels more than what goes around him.

Keep writing!
  








Overripe sushi, The master Is full of regret.
— Buson