Young Writers Society

Puckerman96 wrote:CHAPTER ONE

Everyone hates those people who think they can still do things they dreamt of doing in their early years. I don’t, but everyone seems to hates me. Nobody wants to grow up to become some bloody accountant in some firm. That’s boring. Still a lot of people end up there. I on the other hand would rather be unemployed than do that. That being the reason is why I, [comma] on this glorious morning, when everybody’s off to work trying to look busy, is/am sitting here on this crap- [hyphen]looking café trying to feel some inspiration in my veins so that I can put something on paper.

[Ultimately, a great first paragraph, in my opinion. So simply worded, nothing too fancy and dramatic, exactly what I think often complicates writers. You however, have succeeded. It let's me get a jist for the character's voice, their personality, and gives just enough a glimpse into the current setting but not too much to make it obvious that you, as the writer, are trying to describe the setting. I dig.

I am failing. [<- love] I decide to take a break from trying and look around the café. The morning rush hour has just passed and it’s almost deserted. A teen boy is wiping a table with a piece of cloth. He works here. I’ve been looking at him for a long time now and he surely has noticed. He too eyes at me after a few moments to see if I’m still staring at him. There, he did it again. He’s probably feeling awkward about it but I don’t care. [<- love that one too] I quit staring after a few minutes and try again concentrating in my work.

I’m not actually unemployed to say,[instead of a comma, use a semi-colon.] ; I’m freelance. What do I do? [personally, I don't like that question there, but of course, it's whatever you so desire.]I write. That’s what I’ve always been doing since my teen years, so I’m very comfortable in it. There’s also the fact that I can’t do anything else. [<- could you, or will you eventually, elaborate on this more? or at least be more specific]I’m now working on a project which is a novel based on a friend. The plot revolves around a gay middle-aged guy who falls in love with a troll. Trust me, I’m not joking around. Fantasy is in this/these days, and homosexuality is a major factor these days, and both these elements are in my book. So there’s a fat chance it’s going be in the bestsellers list. But the hard part is getting me to get it done in paper.

I get up from my seat; delete semi-colon with the tea-mug on my hand (I don’t drink coffee) and wentuse "walk" or something there, because "went" is in the past tense and your story, however, is in the present towards the door. I take a deep breath and look outside. Great. Now I’ll borrow more time from myself to get this work done. delete the period and just combine these two sentences with a comma This time the excuse being a temporary case of writer’s block. The part of me which asking for time is embarrassed now and the part of me that is giving it is disappointed. [reword that sentence somehow. I like the idea, but it's worded very strangelyI’ve done it too many times to know that it will be a while since[change "since" to a "while"? the book is finished.

I go back to my table and sit down. I notice that the café is empty now except for me and the owner who’s in his cubicle probably counting something. The door moves open and I see somebody coming in. He’s probably my age. Looks quite like me too.

FUCK, It is me .