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Young Writers Society


Endangered world and our future



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Gender: Female
Points: 1040
Reviews: 4
Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:43 am
jinx says...



“There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need but not for man's greed.” ~Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi.

Endangered, threat. Yes, this is what our planet is facing now. It is estimated that 27,000 species become extinct each year, about 3 an hour. Since 1996, scientists calculated that 124 types of amphibians, 1,108 types of birds, 734 types of fish, 1,096 types of mammals, and 253 types of reptiles became endangered. This statistics also apply to plants. There are about 1500 flowering and non-flowering plants that became extinct.

“I am the earth. You are the earth. The Earth is dying. You and I are murderers.” -Ymber Delecto. When we look at our earth from the time we were born to the present day, we can see lots of changes by own eyes due to rapid deforestation and industrialization. People keep themselves busy in order to fulfill their demands but do not care about environmental damages, extinction of animals and global warming which are threatening every one of us. Though some people think that our earth is being a nice place to live due to technological innovations leading to sophisticated life styles, but they don’t know that their Earth is in the state of becoming destroyed due to deforestation, industrialization, pollution and global warming.

Civilization wrecks the planet from seafloor to stratosphere. First of all, people are cleaning up the forest (deforestation) in order to build more industries leading to extinction of some animals from our world. Moreover, people will be deprived of fresh air because of smoke emitting from industries. Similarly, water quality will degrade as it mixes up with industrial chemicals making it hazardous for drinking. In addition, effect of deforestation is now tangible to everybody. We can see that many areas are flooded by increased sea level. Furthermore, green house effects are gradually increasing due to Deforestation and Industrialization which in turn are responsible for global warming. Higher rate of melting of ice in Antarctica is the result of global warming.

Animals and plants also become endangered because of the chemicals people use. These chemicals may get into the river or other water sources. Fish live in the water. They consume it. Many people also consume this water without treatment. Hunting and trading are other reasons that threaten the lives of many innocent living creatures on Earth. Thousands of years, people kill animals or plants just for the fun of it, or for trading. Many of them do it illegally, or poaching. People kill animals for their fur, oil, body parts, and many other things in order to fatten their wallet. The tiger has been overly hunted for its bone because some people think that the bone has some magical healing power. Now the worldwide population of tiger is not doing so well.

“There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.”Robert Orben. Pollution is another huge factor causing these animals or plants to become endangered. By dirtying our environment, we don't only hurt ourselves, but other living creatures around us.

“Take care of the earth and she will take care of you.” We can help to keep these creatures alive and protect our future and the earth from being destroyed. We must try not to waste natural resources. Recycling of garbage must be done. By recycling, we're helping to save many trees from being cut down for paper. These trees then can remain homes for many animals and plants in the wild. We musn’t pollute the environment. We musn’t buy anything like leather belt, fur coat, or any other products that come from animals. By buying these products you are supporting the hunters, manufacturers, and the idea of killing animals so you can look pretty. Last, and the most important, is to create awareness among people. Conservation must be done now or else it will be too late and our future will be nowhere.

“Don't blow it - good planets are hard to find.”
  





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35 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2784
Reviews: 35
Sun Jun 26, 2011 4:02 am
creativemuse1 says...



First off, The beginning did not catch my attention. To tell the truth, the beginning was pretty bad. I think you should make it more interesting. Catch the reader's attenton. Instead, of throwing people with hard facts, be soft and start with something else. I do like the quotes in it. I, also, see you really care about this topic.
Endangered, threat. Yes, this is what our planet is facing now.

Change this sentence to something else. Maybe combine the two sentences.
:)Life is full of hard times and good times. Lift your chin up, Ladies and Gentlemen.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 5741
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Sun Jun 26, 2011 3:15 pm
Glimmerglass says...



Hey, there! Glim here to review!

So, I liked your essay because it addresses a very real issue in our world today. Also, I love statistics because they help my brain process information better and more clearly, and you definitely had plenty of facts for me to read! However, I do feel your essay could use a bit of editing so that it engages and hooks the reader a bit more strongly.

Starting with the beginning, let's look at your intro. I liked the quote (cuz I'm a quote fiend), but I was a bit confused about the paragraph after it.

jinx wrote:Endangered, threat. Yes, this is what our planet is facing now.


The sentences are slightly confusing and jumbled, and don't really hook the reader, I feel. I would try saying something like, "Are endangered species really a threat?" and then finish with the other sentence. The rest of the introduction seems to be facts - which I like - but I would try mixing some sentences that explain the facts and their impact on the world also.

For the next paragraph, I would separate the quote from the rest of the text so it doesn't get mixed together in the reader's mind. Also, in this paragraph I would omit "being" from the rest of the sentence:

jinx wrote:Though some people think that our earth is being a nice place to live due to technological innovations leading to sophisticated life styles, but they don’t know that their Earth is in the state of becoming destroyed due to deforestation, industrialization, pollution and global warming.


Yeah, it would be correct to take it out. :) I liked this paragraph because it explained some reactions as opposed to just facts.

I definitely enjoyed the next paragraph, but found one little mistake:

jinx wrote:In addition, the effect of deforestation is now tangible to everybody.


Just stick a "the" in there!

I liked the next paragraph, but the one after it should, again, have the quote removed from the rest of the text, or should have an introductory sentence that explains its relevance. And in the next two paragraphs, make sure to cite your quotes! I have no idea whether you made them or someone else did. So that would be great. :)

Overall, I really enjoyed your essay. It was informative without being dull and dry, and as it got rolling, it definitely began to be more engaging. I also liked your structure, and your handling of a serious issue inside an essay format. Great writing! Keep it up. :D

Hope this helped, and happy writing!

~Glim
"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."
~Winnie the Pooh
  








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