Young Writers Society

First of all, I want to share to you my story when I was not yet born. As what I know based on my parents’ stories, way back in time, my parents planned of having only two children for they thought it would be difficult to raise more. So, when my mom conceived me, my parents were devastated and they didn’t know what to do. My father thought of abortion but it was my mother who didn’t agree with it. I was meant to live in this world. But when I was born, the doctors found out that I have a weak heart, so I was in the hospital for months and my parents thought I was going to die. One night, my heart suddenly stopped beating and the doctors came in quickly and did the best of what they can do. And thanks to them, here I am now standing before you.

I know my story when I was born is very interesting and amazing. But what if I tell you it’s just a lie. Yes, it’s all lie.

This speech of mine is about lying. I wish to talk to you about this because lying has been part of our lives. Me, he, she, you, you, we, all of us lie. But why do we lie?

Lies. We have told not just some but many. We already made this a habit. We have lied yesterday, we lie today, and we will lie tomorrow. We can’t pass a day without saying one single lie. And why is that? Why do we lie? We lie because we want to let others see us as better persons, so that we can be accepted by them. We lie because we don’t want to hurt other people if we know the truth can hurt them. We lie because we felt like things that are true are not usually as interesting as things we can make up. We lie because we don’t like the truth. But is telling lie and hiding the truth worth it?

We are told since we were kids to be honest always. Our parents keep on reminding us this through the saying, “Honesty is the best policy.” And I also want to remind you and be sure to keep this in your minds that lying is a sin. When we lie, we are not only increasing our sins and reducing our chances to go to heaven but also we are hurting other people. Just take for example a boy telling a girl the he loves her. But the truth is he doesn’t. The girl fell in love with the boy without knowing the truth. And when she did, she was so badly hurt. Imagine you were the girl, won’t you also feel the same way as she did? If only the boy told the girl the truth at the first place, the girl would not be hurt. I’m not only talking here about lying like making up nasty rumors about other people but also we must be honest when we have our simple conversations with our family and friends or even in the phone or texts. I know some of you here don’t use your real name in texting, even, me. I used to text using different names but soon I have lots and lots of text mates that I forgot which name I had tell them. I have a bad memory and can't remember who I told what to, so it's safer to tell the truth and as Mark Twain said: "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

And when you lie often, then people will know you are a liar. And when you tell the truth, they won’t believe you because they will thought you are still lying. Let me tell you this story. A shepherd boy tending his flock one night amused himself by shouting to the local villagers, "Wolf, wolf!" when there was none, just to see them come running. He repeated the trick and each time the villagers came to help, just to find the boy had tricked them again. Later that night a wolf really did come. The boy again called "Wolf, wolf!", but believing it to be another trick, no-one came, leaving the wolf free to kill all the sheep he wanted.

So, I ask again, is telling lie and hiding the truth worth it? No. So, let us just be honest. And how hard is it to tell the truth? From now on let us watch our words and make sure that anything that will come out from our mouths is the truth. I know we can’t change a habit overnight. But I challenge all of you who are here to start being honest from this very instance. If you will not tell a single lie for the rest of the day, congratulate yourself for you have done a very good job. Then, try again tomorrow and then the next day and so on. Soon, you will find yourself being honest. It will not only make you look good but you will also feel good. And people will trust you. And in life, we all need people who trust us.

Remember to be honest in every situation in every single day. Thank you!

This is a very good speech. I hope to see some more work from you. Don't forget to review others' works as well! Also, welcome to YWS.

This was great! I loved the story in the beginning and then telling people it was all a lie, brilliant! I think you would like to read this story...It was written by my sister.
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Welcome to YWS!
-Jessa

First of all, I want to share to you my story when I was not yet born. (This first sentence doesn't sound so smooth. Maybe re-written as, "First off, I would like to share with you my story of when I was not yet born.") As to what I know(,) based on my parents’ stories, way back in time,(Remove the "way back in time" part. It seems like unessesary extra.) my parents planned on having only two children(,) for they thought it would be difficult to raise more. So, when my mom conceived me, my parents were devastated and they(Remove "they") didn’t know what to do. My father thought of abortion(,) but it was my mother who didn’t agree with it. I was meant to live in this world. But when I was born, the doctors found out that I had a weak heart(.) (so) <<Remove I was in the hospital for months(,) and my parents thought I was going to die.(This sentence could sound so much better re-written. Maybe, "I was in the hospital for months, and my parents weren't so sure I was going to make it.") One night, my heart suddenly stopped beating and the doctors came in quickly and did the best of what they could do. And thanks to them, here I am now(,) standing before you.

I know the story when I was born seems very interesting and amazing. But what if I told you it’s just a lie.(Try re-writing as, "it was all just a lie.") Yes, it’s all a lie.

This speech of mine is about lying. I wish to talk to you about this because lying has been part of all of our lives. Me, he, she, you, you, we, all of us lie. (This sentence here could definately use some tweaking.) But why do we lie?

Lies. We have told not just some(,) but many. We've already made this a habit. (Try describing the habit. "We've already made this a horrid habit.") We have lied yesterday, we lie today, and we will lie tomorrow. We can’t pass a day without saying one single lie.(This sentence here seems more so opinionated. Try adding, "Many times," before "we".) And why is that? Why do we lie? We lie because we want to let others see us as better persons, so that we can be accepted by them. We lie because we don’t want to hurt other people if we know the truth can hurt them. We lie because we feel like things that are true are not usually as interesting as things we can make up. We lie because we don’t like the truth. But is telling a lie and hiding the truth [always] worth it?

We've been told since we were kids to be honest always. Our parents keep("continued" sounds better here than "keep".) on reminding us this through the saying, “Honesty is the best policy.” And I also want to("would like to" sounds better fitting.) remind you(,) and be sure to keep this in your minds(,) that lying is a sin. When we lie, we are not only increasing our sins and reducing our chances to go to heaven but also we are hurting other people. (I'm not so sure the subject of sin is so appropriate being incorporated into this article. Subject of religion can be sensitive to readers. Best to keep things on an even ground. Also, this should be the start of a new paragraph.>>>) Just take for example a boy telling a girl the he loves her. But the truth is he doesn’t. The girl fell in love with the boy without knowing the truth. And when she did, she was so badly hurt. Imagine you were the girl(.) Wouldn't you also feel the same way as she did? If only the boy told the girl the truth in the first place, the girl would not be hurt. ("wouldn't have been hurt") I’m not only [speaking] about lying like(remove like and replace with "as in") making up nasty rumors about other people(,) but also we must be honest when we have our simple conversations with our family and friends or even on the phone or [in] texts. I know some of you here don’t use your real name in texting, even, me. I used to text using different names(,) but soon I have lots and lots(lots and lots??) of text mates that I forgot which name I had told them. I have a bad memory and couldn't remember who I told what to, so it's safer to tell the truth(.) And as Mark Twain said: "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." (Personally, the last few sentences seem rather sloppy as far as sentence structure goes, and organizing these distinct thoughts. I would try rewriting a lot of it. It seemed very elementary.)

And when you lie often, (I wouldn't ever try starting a paragraph off with "and".) then people will know you as a liar. And when you tell the truth, they won’t believe you because they may think you are still lying. (New paragraph>>>) Let me tell you this story. A shepherd boy tending his flock one night amused himself by shouting to the local villagers, "Wolf, wolf!" when there were none, just to see them come running. He repeated the trick and each time the villagers came to help, only to find the boy had tricked them again. Later that night(,) a wolf really did come. The boy again called "Wolf, wolf!", but believing it to be another trick, no-one came, leaving the wolf free to kill all the sheep he wanted.

So, I ask again, is telling a lie and hiding the truth worth it? No. So, let us just be honest. And how hard is it to tell the truth? From now on(,) let us watch our words and make sure that anything that should come out from our("from out of our", is more fitting.) mouths is the truth.(Another great place to begin a new paragraph>>>) I know we can’t change a habit overnight. But I challenge all of you who are here to start being honest from this very instance.(I don't very much care for this sentence here.) If you will not tell a single lie for the rest of the day, congratulate yourself for you have done a very good job. Then, try again tomorrow and then the next day(,) and so on. Soon, you will find yourself being honest. It will not only make you look good but you will also feel good. (How about it will make you a better person? Why should we care about looking good?) And people will trust you. And in life, we all need people who trust us.

Remember to be honest in every situation in every single day. Thank you! (This concluding sentence seems quite abrupt and unsettling. I think you could do a lot more with it.)

All in all, I think what you wrote here has a great base. You made some good points, but I feel you could do better in organizing your thoughts and sentences. Some places here didn't seem very cleanly written at all. And in some places I tended to get a sort of "run-on" vibe. The revisions I pointed out will help in the flow of your work, but you should also try going back yourself and rereading some of those places that could use some rewriting.