Young Writers Society

The one of the reasons FGM is so controversial is that some people believe it breaks a moral law of the universe, like don’t steal, don’t commit rape, don’t murder. Others believe it is a cultural right. Whether it’s a moral law or not, it is very harmful, spiritually and physically, to the girls it affects. Young women in FGM practicing communities believe it is a way of life, that it is simply done, and that it is normal. Some even see it as a test of courage, for the pain of the procedure with out anesthesia is very painful indeed. In conclusion, even if it’s not breaking a moral law it’s harmful to the girls it affects.
When it comes to FGM, women don’t have a choice on whether they get the operation or not. The village equivalent to peer pressure comes in songs and poems that celebrate circumcision and deride uncircumcised girls (Creel 206). There is also the issue of marriage. Village men and their families would refuse marriage offers from an “un-pure” girl, or would divorce immediately (Creel 205). When women from other tribes come and marry a man from a tribe that practices FGM, they force her to undergo the procedure. On the flip side, girls who are cut are celebrated. Honor is bestowed on her and her family. She is showered with gifts and marriage offers. So, when it comes time for a girl to have the operation, the choice is not hers.
In villages, women see FGM as a beauty factor. If it’s not done, then you are unclean, ugly and smelly (Shweder 194). It brings adulthood. All their lives they are told that after it happens, they become more beautiful, feminine, civilized, and honorable. They believe it makes them pure, since it diminishes sexual desire (Shweder 197). What would they say if they knew that in western countries, you can be clean, beautiful, feminine, honorable, and pure without getting cut? It’s all they know, so if they were given a different option, a different mindset, would they still go with the way that damages their body and soul? So in conclusion, if they learned a different idea of beauty that doesn’t harm them, they may not keep the tradition going.
FGM causes many health problems, long term, short term, and while giving birth. "Immediate effects are severe pain, hemorrhage, injury to the adjacent tissues and organs, shock, infection, urinary retention and tetanus." (Creel 201). All of those are just what happen right after the procedure. The pain of FGM stays with them all of their life in the form of cysts, adcesses, urinary inconstancy, psychological and sexual problems, and childbirth problems (Creel 201). Maybe one of the worst parts is when the girl is about to have a baby. If her genetilia is not cut, the babies head could not come out properly and cause permanent damage to both the mother and the child. In conclusion, it seems awful to make anyone, even the worst criminal, to endure what these women do.
FGM does not only affect girls physically. The result of the operation can cause serious spiritual problems too. People always say it helps to talk about it. When someone is upset, another person always asks if they want to talk about it. Well these girls can't. "They are forced to take a vow of silence after the procedure"(Creel 204). Everything that happens to them they have to keep bottled up. They can't even say that it was done to them. The community scares the girls, and tells them they will be punished by God if they do not undergo the operation. For someone religious, truly believing God will punish you if an awful feeling (Creel 204). Lastly, people say that it diminishes a girls sexual desire. By diminishing desire, it is supposed to preserve the girls virginity and marital fidelity. It seems like a horrible fate to be doomed living without desire because people are scared you will be unfaithful to your husband.
So, in conclusion girls get FGM done against there will, harming them physically and spiritually. They are overcome with the peer pressure of their family or village, being told that it is the right thing to do, or worse, that not doing it is very, very wrong. They are put through pain not even used in medieval torture, and aren't even allowed to talk about it because of a vow and fear of Godly punishment. Their desire is diminished because the village does not trust them to stay pure and faithful by themselves. It's a horrible fate, no matter the celebrations and presents and marriage offers that come afterwards. This happens to 20000 girls a year, and it's time for it to stop.

that was informative cha

Sakuragirl1 wrote:The one of the reasons FGM is so controversial is that some people believe it breaks a moral law of the universe, like don’t steal, don’t commit rape, don’t murder (This sentence just isn't working for me). Others believe it is a cultural right. Whether it’s a moral law or not, it is very harmful, spiritually and physically, to the girls it affects. Young women in FGM practicing communities believe it is a way of life, that it is simply done, and that it is normal. Some even see it as a test of courage, for the pain of the procedure with out anesthesia is very painful indeed. In conclusion, even if it’s not breaking a moral law it’s harmful to the girls it affects(maybe put this sentence for the end, just not here)

(needs to be a line in between these two paragraphs, makes it easier to read)When it comes to FGM, women don’t have a choice on whether they get the operation or not. The village equivalent to peer pressure comes in songs and poems that celebrate circumcision and deride uncircumcised girls (Creel 206). There is also the issue of marriage. Village men and their families would refuse marriage offers from an “un-pure” girl, or would divorce immediately (Creel 205). When women from other tribes come and marry a man from a tribe that practices FGM, they force her to undergo the procedure. On the flip side (I don't think an essay this formal should have slang like that, but that's just me), girls who are cut are celebrated. Honor is bestowed on her and her family. She is showered with gifts and marriage offers. So, when it comes time for a girl to have the operation, the choice is not hers.
In villages, women see FGM as a beauty factor. If it’s not done, then you are unclean, ugly and smelly (Shweder 194). It brings adulthood. All their lives they are told that after it happens, they become more beautiful, feminine, civilized, and honorable. They believe it makes them pure, since it diminishes sexual desire (Shweder 197). What would they say if they knew that in western countries, you can be clean, beautiful, feminine, honorable, and pure without getting cut? It’s all they know, so if they were given a different option, a different mindset, would they still go with the way that damages their body and soul? So in conclusion, if they learned a different idea of beauty that doesn’t harm them, they may not keep the tradition going. (again, the conclusion should be saved till the very end)

(and another line here)FGM causes many health problems, long term, short term, and while giving birth. "Immediate effects are severe pain, hemorrhage, injury to the adjacent tissues and organs, shock, infection, urinary retention and tetanus." (Creel 201). All of those are just what happen right after the procedure. The pain of FGM stays with them all of their life in the form of cysts, adcesses, urinary inconstancy, psychological and sexual problems, and childbirth problems (Creel 201). Maybe Perhaps one of the worst parts is when the girl is about to have a baby. If her genetilia is not cut, the babies head could not come out properly (okay, the blue part is confusing, it makes it sounds like you are pro cutting here and that not cutting it could harm them) and cause permanent damage to both the mother and the child.

(and another line)In conclusion, it seems awful to make anyone, even the worst criminal, to endure what these women do. FGM does not only affect girls physically. The result of the operation can cause serious spiritual problems too. People always say it helps to talk about it. When someone is upset, another person always asks if they want to talk about it. Well these girls can'tI think this part is unnecessary, given what you say next). "They are forced to take a vow of silence after the procedure"(Creel 204). Everything that happens to them they have to keep bottled up (These girls have to keep everything that happens to them bottled up). They can't even say that it was done to them. The community scares the girls, and tells them they will be punished by God if they do not undergo the operation. For someone religious, truly believing God will punish you if an awful feeling (Creel 204). Lastly, people say that it diminishes a girl's sexual desire. By diminishing desire, it is supposed to preserve the girls virginity and marital fidelity. It seems like a horrible fate to be doomed living without desire because people are scared you will be unfaithful to your husband. (excellent point here)

(another line thing)So, in conclusion girls get FGM done against there(their) will, harming them physically and spiritually. They are overcome with the peer pressure of their family or village, being told that it is the right thing to do, or worse, that not doing it is very, very wrong. They are put through pain not even used in medieval torture(I think you could change this just to "intense pain", and aren't even allowed to talk about it because of a vow and fear of Godly punishment. Their desire is diminished because the village does not trust them to stay pure and faithful by themselves. It's a horrible fate, no matter the celebrations and presents and marriage offers that come afterwards. This happens to 20000 girls a year, and it's time for it to stop. (I like the way you ended it, tied it up nicely.

Okay, don't think that all the red means it was awful. It was a great start, that much is sure. I think it is a little short, and there are a few grammatical/spelling errors here and their, but your argument against FGM was well rationed and presented in a non-angry manner, so I felt it was much more of a well thought out argument against as opposed to an emotionally charged anti-FGM rant.

Overall, it's pretty well done, and, with a little polish, I'm sure it'll be great!

7/10