Young Writers Society

Unaware of adulthood, we said just wanting to be great

got into the car and went up very strongly the case

I know this has already been pointed out, but I'm going to assume your title got cut off. I'd suggest shortening it, so it intrigues us a bit more and makes us want to read this more. However, considering I don't know your entire title, I'm not sure if that applies 100%.

Unaware of adulthood, we said just wanting to be great. Ignoring many times how great we were. Many times, we ignored how great we truly were.The innocence in the purest form of thought, the tenderness of our crazy occurrences. -- I don't really understand how the last sentence ties in, and really what it means. I think you could probably revise it so that it makes more sense to the readers. I like the wording choice, I just would like to know what you're actually trying to say!

We grew up, learned to fly, -- I liked that part of the phrase and we did each day beyond the area defined by our parents. each day, we went beyond the areas defined by our parents.Passing showers and thunderstorms, falling, getting forward. -- Another sort of sentence that could work out but sort of doesn't. Also revise, please.

That's life cycle, learning, a walk, a dream. --I do and don't get this sentence as well. Hmm, I'd change the order of everything comma'd. Are you trying to say that life is a walk, a dream, but constantly full of learning? But it is also a contrast of black and white, cold and heat. --Very nice sentence! So often life becomes a bland meal, which we had to swallow the seasoning. And we learned that love, friendship, art, leisure, work, family are eating condiments that help those difficult moments of life. -- Also very nice. At first, I was looking for a transition, but realized the link at the end; comparing those parts of life to condiments, seasonings - it was a good choice! But then we learned that thelife may become even more difficult. Here, when everything seems to have lost its meaning, whenwe live only for seasoning and do not find the basic essence of our life ... -- Other than the slight errors and awkwardness, that paragraph was great! Your choice of metaphors was absolutely amazing.

Came back to dream ... --The first part of the sentence I don't understand. Revise, maybe? in a world without hunger, without war, without violence, where all the children smile, play, amen. In a world where people lend a helping hand without expecting anything. We got together, first two, then three, and every day we add more wills. Seek help, many doors were closed, others opened. --I was confused by this sentence, too. Perhaps you mean 'We sought help, but many doors were closed; fortunately, others opened' - that sort of thing? We were putting together a box that was growing within days. On Friday we got into the car and went up very strongly the case, because the content was very heavy, and travel 100km to the south. We arrived at the schoolhouse in a small place called Wintering, lowered the box and there were children who were between 4 and 15 years. Open the box and all started playing, dancing, smiling. That box was in a special content that can not be described, can not measure, you can not draw, it can only be called: love. We appreciated the welcome, because giving love can only be offset receiving love. Moment of these, of which we would be eternal. I dream of those, which do not want to wake up. Before returning, we said goodbye we hear a word reached the depths of the soul, do not forget us. And so we started the trip again to reach the city. Understanding and grasping that this is the essence of life is not a condiment. How nice it is to go back to sleep knowing that dreams become reality. I do not want to be an adult, I can not be a child, I remain just that, a dreamer. And I would say in his song Fito Paez: Who said that all is lost? I come to offer my heart.

Okay, I wasn't sure exactly what to say to the last paragraph other than it was very, very confusing. I might just be tired, but I think you need to go back and check what you've written. I understand you're from Argentina, so maybe English isn't your first language (my apologies if it is and I'm assuming), but I'm sure you could get help revising it all if you need it! This was actually really good, you just need to revise a few sentences here and there.