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Goodbye



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Points: 300
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Mon Jan 09, 2012 2:24 am
smcmoney says...



This is the first part of a writing exercise I'm using to get over my ex-boyfriend and work through the feelings. Thanks for reading.


How am I supposed to be okay? You chipped off little pieces of me with every smile, every kiss, every fight. I should have woken up one day and realized that I didn't have anything left of me not marked by you. Now all I'm left with is a shattered glass of memories and pain where I used to have hopes and dreams and love. I don't know how to trust people anymore. I can't see straight. When you left me, I wasn't sure what exactly to do with myself. I looked out at the sun and the sky and felt sick. Hopeless. I closed all of the curtains to escape the glaring truth. In my dreams, you were still there. That night, by some blessing of God, there was no moon. Then again, how could there be, when my moon was gone?
  





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Mon Jan 09, 2012 2:55 am
stargazer9927 says...



Well I don't really have much of a review for this, but I think you did a great job with emotion and I can feel you speak from personal experience. The only thing I would say is this should be made into a poem. That way you can more accurately describe feelings and it would look and sound much better.

You should PM me when you post whatever you decide to do with it (rather a poem, make it into another part, whatever) :)
Let's eat mom.
Let's eat, mom.
Good grammar saves lives :D
  








It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien