Young Writers Society

I wrote this last night when I got home from a concert I went to with two of my best friends. I wrote it because I feel like one of my best friends and I have this really great connection... but both of us have had so many things getting in the way of Us. So, this song is for him.


Verse 1:
You look at me, I look right back.
Feels like love's closing in on us.
I smile at you, you smile right back.
You laugh at me, I laugh right back.
Feels like our hearts are under attack.
Keep it safe and locked away.

Chorus:
And to think I would choose
anyone but you
makes me think I was in the wrong
all along. (x2)

Verse 2:
You pick at me, I pick right back.
Feels like life's closing in on us.
I wave at you, you wave right back.
You grin at me, I grin right back.
Feels like our hearts are under attack.
Keep it safe and locked away.

Chorus:

Verse 3:
He looks at me, I look right back.
Feels like loves tearing me apart.
She smiles at you, you smile right back.
He laughs at me, I laugh right back.
Feels like our hearts are under attack.
I'll keep it safe and locked away.

Chorus 2:
And to think I had to choose
anyone but you
makes me think I was in the wrong
all along. (x2)

I like these lyrics, a lot. It gets a little repetitive, but because the word choice is nice I think you can get away with it. Very nice. Keep writing

-Crim

Yes the writing was a little repetitive, but good word choice all the same The lyrics were nice.

tydecker777 wrote:Feels like our hearts are under attack.
Keep it safe and locked away.

I particularly liked these few lines. So keep writing and keep up the good work
-Gmuffin-

I do like these lyrics.. It has the same rhythm throughout the whole song and also flow, which some 'famous' songs kind of lack. I like how you used kind of the same pattern but different words.

Well done, you should be proud.

,writingaway

I thought this was well written if not a bit cliche'. I didn't really see anything wrong with it and even though there are a lot of poems/songs like this, it was still a very good read nonetheless. Keep up the good work

Hi there, Tydecker! Hmm, I haven't read lyrics in a while!

First off, what kind of a song did you intend this to be? Not that it matters that much, but I always like knowing if I'm reading the lyrics to an upbeat song, or a melancholic one, or perhaps hard rock.

I quite like the consistency between the stanzas/verses. Often, when I read lyrics, they seem to be just all over the place, with the writer just throwing in all of his/her ideas without giving it any thought. However, the repetition is so strong I was kind of getting tired of it by the third verse. Maybe you should lighten it up just a little, so the song wouldn't feel so packed.

Also, another thing I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing: I found the chorus a little boring. The chorus should, in my opinion, be the one that you'll remember, but now it was kind of left in the shadow of the verses.

Hopefully I helped, even a little!


Demeter
x

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