Young Writers Society

He reads me like the Bible,
Making little notes in all my margins,
Finds meaning in my thoughts and withered heart,
Turns the page and brings me to myself.

I jump to wrong conclusions,
Stumbling with weariness and passion,
Hoping that my past will burn to ashes,
And every night I pray to God for help.

And I'd run away from you,
But I don't think that I can.
I am strong enough to fall
But am I strong enough to land?
All I can do is sit here silently,
Waiting in your hand,
Because you read me like the Bible
And I pray you understand.

Under this resistance,
I worry that I'm folding to his will,
Fighting hard against my better judgement,
And leaving all my hopes and fears,
I fell.

And I'd run away from you,
But I don't think that I can.
I am strong enough to fall
But am I strong enough to land?
All I can do is sit here silently,
Waiting in your hand,
Because you read me like the Bible
And I pray you understand.

Hi there! I enjoyed this poem.

mollycarraway wrote:And I'd run away from your love
But I don't think that I can.
I am strong enough to fall
But am I strong enough to land?

I really liked that part. I thought it was cool! Keep up the good work!

What I perceive in this short, concise uplifting poem is a stage of internal conflict between the narrator( the lover) and himself. The poet seems to be in love, he/she decided to go then he/she made up her mind to stay along the way and with her beloved spend the day I love it..keep it up

Hi, Molly.
The first thing I think this poem could benefit from would be a clarification of voice. You're speaking about a "he", then you switch to just speaking about yourself, and then you switch to speaking directly TO a person using "you". Clear it up. Pick one way to speak in the poem.

Secondly, I think that what you're trying to describe, if I'm reading this correctly, is something a lot more complicated than you've given space to. I feel like this is more than "we're in a relationship and it's weird", but it comes from you figuring things out within yourself that seem different than what you thought they should. Normally we'd think that someone who could read us would be good. We always wish we had someone to understand us. But then you say,

Under all this comfortable resistance,
I worry that I'm folding to his will,

which when re-paired with

Making little notes in all my margins,
Finds meaning in my thoughts and withered heart,

Makes me think that the speaker feels that the lover is changing her and has more power over her than she wanted. This is disconcerting, really powerful when juxtaposed with something that seems so good as "you read me like the bible". I feel like this poem is going to be something great, and it needs more work.

When you continue working on it, focus on bringing out more of your specific emotions about this situation, more about why you chose to say "like the bible" instead of just "like a book", and consider bringing in some comparisons (simile, metaphor) and imagery so that the reader of this poem can more readily identify with what you're trying to portray. Compare this situation, which is unfamiliar to us, with something more familiar so we feel it will much of the expertise you do.

I really hope you continue working on this piece. Let me know if you have any questions or would like to talk more about it. ( :

Hannah

I don't think anyone is getting the fact that this is NOT a poem. This is a song. It's not supposed to make sense, and it's not going to be changed.

Molly, first of all, whoops! We click on it from the front page and don't pay attention to the fact that it's in lyrics. We just look at how it's formatted and think it's a poem, so sorry for that misunderstanding.

BUT if it's not going to be changed, why put it on a forum meant for reviewing and improving pieces?

Molly, I like this nonsensical song. It reminds of "Alice In Wonderland" in that respect. I think you should read the poem "maggie milly molly and may" if you do ever consider writing poetry. I have no comments other than that, except for you to keep it up! ^^

I've got a couple poems in my poetry folder! You should check them out.