Young Writers Society

When I was young
I became no one
Silent to avoid the unavoidable
Myself, I shunned
and became no one
For my silence was just too predictable
And to think of how much I've missed
It makes me question who I would have become
Had I done the things that I've wished
For - but oh I failed and remained the lonesome

All of the chances
For any glances
of silly dances
and doomed romances
Didn't choose to avoid me
And given the chance
I would have chosen to flee

Somewhere along
Myself, I threw out
Fighting any chance to be noticable
And I feel wronged
For I've dealt without
Remaining the voiceless and untangible
And to think how much time has passed by
Has me regretting not having any fun
If I'd left that mute freak to die
Would I have had the chance to become someone?

All of the hangouts
and vulgar shoutouts
of silly dropouts
and girls who put out
Didn't choose to run from me
And given the chance
I would have chosen to flee

But that freak sometimes comes around
Even though I've beaten him down a notch or two
Yes, that freak likes to come to town
It's hard to hide from the past when it likes you
When it likes you
When it likes you...

When it loves you...

It is so difficult to critique lyrics. Because most of the songs by successful musicians all read a little strangely without the accompanied music. It's an entirely different experience. That being said I can't find anything particularly good or bad about this song. As a poem it's pretty good but it reeks of teen angst, but then again I would have said the same about Rage against the machine, hell, I may have said the same thing about Nirvana lyrics - All apologies springs to mind.

LiesOnLies wrote:When I was young

All of the hangouts
and vulgar shoutouts
of silly dropouts
and girls who put out
Didn't choose to run from me
And given the chance
I would have chosen to flee

I think this is quite clever, a concession. All in all I would probably enjoy these lyrics accompanied with music but, I can't say for sure.

Hope this provides some insight, although I doubt it.
Keep writing it's pretty good -- I think anyway.


When it loves you...[/quote]

Hey, this is a nice poem! I like this part:

When I was young
I became no one
Silent to avoid the unavoidable
Myself, I shunned
and became no one[/i] -- loved this part


And I find the rhyme in the following verses to be really good:
All of the chances
For any glances
of silly dances
and doomed romances

The only thing I didn't like is the use of ther verb "like" here:
It's hard to hide from the past when it likes you
When it likes you
When it likes you...

When it loves you...

It feels like this is a word too weak. Since you can't replace it with "love", maybe something with another meaning... like "to chase"?

Well done, nonetheless.