Young Writers Society

Words take me happens all the time
Words take me makes out the crime
I cannot imagine security at it's most
But words take me up out of this world

Beauty suffering- the essence of a fight
Beauty suffering- the darkness in the light
Beauty suffering- the essence of a fight
Beauty suffering- the darkness in our hearts

Words take me to a higher plain
Words take me crucifies me again
I cannot begin to believe what I hear
Words take me and gives me something to fear

Beauty suffering- the essence of a fight
Beauty suffering- the darkness in the light
Beauty suffering- the essence of a fight
Beauty suffering- the darkness in our hearts

Words take me bleeding out the wound
Words take me coming out too soon
Bleed it out

Beauty suffering- the essence of a fight
Beauty suffering- the darkness in the light
Beauty suffering- the essence of a fight
Beauty suffering- the darkness in our hearts

Beauty suffering
Beauty suffering
Beauty suffering
Beauty suffering

Words take me happens all the time
Words take me makes out the crime The 2nd statement makes words take me a noun, 1st one doesn't make sense as a noun. Words always take me or sth, I donno but I hope you can find a way to make this make sense to me....
But words take me up out of this world This sounds good, this stanza.
Beauty Words take me crucifies me again
I cannot begin to believe what I hear
Words take me and gives me somsuffering...I didn't get this para either, essence of a fight sounds paradoxical in a sense
Words take me to a higher plain Ah, another good stanza:)

Beauty suffering- the darkness in the lightYou shold make it clear if beauty suffering is a person. Darkness in the light seems like a good paradox, meaningful I suppose.

Hope my review helps:)

I have to agree with Maimoona. The first line makes no sense.

These two lines don't make much sense either:
Words take me bleeding out the wound
Words take me coming out too soon

Quote:
Words take me and gives me something to fear
It should be "give" not "gives"

Other than that, your song has an amazing message, I think though you need to portray it a little better. It sounds more like a song about suicide than abuse. Possibly more like a cutter if you really exam it.

Hai!

Words take me happens all the time
Words take me makes out the crime

You need a comma after “take me” on both lines. I get the first line, but not the second, and I think it might be because your tenses sound weird.

I cannot imagine security at it's most
But words take me up out of this world

The rhythm of these two lines doesn’t seem to really fit with the rhythm of the first two lines.
“It’s” should be “its”. “It’s” is short for “it is”. Usually you hear of things being “at their best”, not “at their most”—maybe you should think about changing this?

Beauty suffering- the essence of a fight
Beauty suffering- the darkness in the light
Beauty suffering- the essence of a fight
Beauty suffering- the darkness in our hearts

This could be just me, but I found this a bit melodramatic. You know, beauty, darkness, suffering, heart, blahblahblah. It’s OTT.

Words take me to a higher plain
Words take me crucifies me again

I like the repetition of “words take me”, but you need a comma in the second line for it to make sense. Put it after “take me”. I assume you mean this line as a running together of the two ideas—you’re saying “words take me” and “words crucify me again”, but the way you have it, it doesn’t run right. You’re saying “words take me”, which is fine, and “words crucifies me again”, which isn’t. It should be “words crucify me again”.

Words take me bleeding out the wound
Words take me coming out too soon

Again, you need those commas after “take me”.

---

Hi! I quite liked this. I don’t review Lyrics a lot, but whenever I do, there always seems to be a dearth of punctuation, as though that doesn’t matter and you need to look beyond all that, man, look deep in the beyond beyond the beyond for the real meaning, and commas don’t come into that at all.

Only, you know, they do, because if you don’t punctuate properly, I don’t know what you’re saying. Basically, all you’re really missing here are a few well-placed commas, and that can easily be fixed.

Punctuation aside and focusing on the deep beyond beyond the beyond, I’m not really sure what you’re trying to say, and songs usually are trying to say something. Sometimes that doesn’t matter, but all you have here are the words without any tune to carry them along, and this is a writing site, so I’m going by what I get from the lyrics. The repetition about beauty and words makes me think of art—or Art. A suffering artist with a Romantic view of art that he can’t get out so other people can understand it.

That’s probably not what it’s about at all, but that’s what I got from it.

PM or Wall me if you have any questions!

-twit

I like the overall message because I can relate to it for I've had my share of abusive relationships. But the first stanza I had a little problem with myself.

Words take me happens all the time
Words take me makes out the crime
I cannot imagine security at it's most
But words take me up out of this world

I think it would better you put "Words break me, happens all the time

Beauty suffering- the essence of a fight
Beauty suffering- the darkness in the light
Beauty suffering- the essence of a fight
Beauty suffering- the darkness in our hearts

Beauty suffering doesn't sound right to me. It would sound better to put "Beautiful suffering".