Young Writers Society

(Guitar Intro)

When I wake,
I see your face,
In the night,
By the light.

Your eyes are crystal,
Lips are roses,
In the night,
By the light.

I dream of you,
And you're lost,too,
When we meet,
While I sleep.

Endless keys,
To ecstasy,
When we meet,
While I sleep.

(Break for a instrumental measure, before speeding up the tempo.)

A shadow in my window,
A long time coming,
You glance to me,
You glance away.

A shadow in my window,
A long time coming.
You came to play,
You came to lay.

Your silhouette,
It haunts me tonight,
It haunts me tonight,
A yeah.

Your silhouette,
It haunts me tonight,
It haunts me tonight,
A yeah.

(Break for a measure accompanied by instrumental breaks, maybe bass or something play light rhythmic solo, followed by a complete change of tone of song.)

(This section starts quiet and is mostly vocals for next 4 verses.)

And you came to me,
With your hands held free,
In a world,
Of emptiness.

And you said to me,
That I'm all you see,
In a world,
Of emptiness.

(Vocal break for the length of one verse.)

And you tell me,
Who you used to be,
Who you want to be,
And who you are right now.

(Instruments start to get louder with another verse long instrumental break.)

And you tell me,
Who you used to be,
Who you want to be,
And who you are right now.

(Vocal break for length of one verse. Instruments pick up and start playing along rhythmically with drummer beating on two toms. All instruments get louder after each verse finished.)

And you're there,
In a field,
Falling down,
Smiling.

A river,
Of moments,
With you,
Smiling.

Lost in time,
Lost in space,
Lost in,
Your face.

(Melodic guitar solo for four verses length, followed by outro of two verses.)

"glance me"--should be glance to me

Alright, I'm going to be very blunt with you. The song itself wasn't very impressive to me and putting what instruments are to be played and such is just flat out annoying. I don't think I read any of your stuff before so maybe you just don't know that putting the instruments played and such is just not necessary in song lyrics that you want others to read on this site.

Liesonlies, first of all, if you are going to be blunt, be blunt with constructive criticism,for example, say what could be made better. Simply saying you have a distaste for something is not important nor credible, if you don't have any reasons. A quote from Wollstonecraft, "Without knowledge, taste is superficial." Second, I posted the bracketed song info because it gives context to the song. Many people when they write lyrics write awesome lyrics, but they would be better off using the lyrics as a poem. If one doesn't understand how it is to be fit to music, than how can one truly judge whether it would make a good song. These lyrics were written to accompany a fully developed song on guitar, and therefore, the instrument information is important because it was written BEFORE the song. I posted it for the people that actually would like to understand how the song would be constructed. It is more important to have it there for the people who might actually want to see it than to it would be to leave it out for the people who it would annoy.

I thought that it was a bit cliche, an old caught-in-your-own-world love story, but the rhyme scheme and overall format is good. Aside from the subject matter, I thought it was pretty good,maybe a little redundant.

Hi there!

I enjoyed this. I think it's a lot like the type of music that people listen to today.

Keep writing!

like your style....
awesome piece of work according to me

I think the poetry and story is good. Without hearing the music I can't be sure, but it seems like you have sort of an Evanescence style--check out My Immortal. What I didn't like is ALL of the repetition. Some is good, like around the bridge or end, but this just gets a little annoying having it in the whole thing. Overall it was an interesting song and I'd love to actually listen to it. Maybe videotape yourself singing and playing the song and put it on youtube. If you put the youtube link on here I'll definitely check it out!