Young Writers Society

NOTE: Inspired by the season finale of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, in which the patients wrote goodbye letters to their addictions.

This is goodbye to all of the things that keep me down
This is goodbye to all of the heartache that I keep around
This is goodbye to all of the weight that heap on myself
This is goodbye to my unnecessary hell

This is goodbye 4x

This is goodbye to beating myself up when things go wrong
It's not my fault that I reach a point where I can't be strong
This is goodbye to letting emotions take over me
They cloud up my vision, and I can't see that you're here next to me

This is goodbye 4x

This is goodbye and I'm letting go of the things of my past
I'm still surprised that I allowed it to last
I can't control what's been done, I can only move on
Things that once were are no longer here; they're dead and gone.

This is goodbye 4x

This is goodbye to you and all that you've put me through
Thanks for the help, though there was no help coming from you
Now I must go, and as I leave all this behind
I'd say it's been swell, but I don't want to leave on a lie

So this is goodbye 4x

Mornin'.

This is goodbye to all of the weight that I heap on myself

Typo. Easy to miss.

This is goodbye to beating myself up when things go wrong
It's not my fault that I reach a point where I can't be strong

Love it.

This is goodbye to letting emotions take over me
They cloud up my vision, and I can't see that you're here next to me

Kinda awkward, but meh. Maybe take out "that" to make it a bit less clunky.

This is goodbye and I'm letting go of the things of my past
I'm still surprised that I allowed it to last

"and" & "that" are optional here.

This is goodbye to you and all that you've put me through
Thanks for the help, though there was no help coming from you
Now I must go, and as I leave all this behind
I'd say it's been swell, but I don't want to leave on a lie

You force a bit of a shift here--in the rest of the song, it's about you, yourself, how you can't see the good around you because you're focusing on the faults. This introduces a new character, one who's hurt you, and it doesn't make sense in the context of this song.

(All the above=technical. Actual view may vary.)

I love this. I can identify with it, because my flaws are similar. It's kinda a cheesy/corny/cliche song, but that's ok. I like cheese. :3 And sometimes you just want a song like this. I imagine it'd be pretty soothing to listen to, for me at least.

I'm especially in love with this line:

It's not my fault that I reach a point where I can't be strong

(You can tell, cuz I mentioned it twice. )

Good job bro.

Overall I thought this was pretty good, so here's just a couple of things:

The first thing is that the first verse, every line starts with "This is goodbye to..." Maybe this is a personal preference, but it seems that having different beginnings to each line may make it flow a little better.

This is goodbye to beating myself up when things go wrong
It's not my fault that I reach a point where I can't be strong

About this part, I felt like the "it's not my fault" was kind of opposite of what this was about - like it was all saying, "I caved in but now I'm stronger." But then this line is saying that they're not to blame for their own mistakes.

Now here are the lines I really liked:

This is goodbye and I'm letting go of the things of my past
I'm still surprised that I allowed it to last
I can't control what's been done, I can only move on
Things that once were are no longer here; they're dead and gone.

Now I must go, and as I leave all this behind
I'd say it's been swell, but I don't want to leave on a lie

I thought these were really good. And overall, your lyrics are. I wish I could actually listen to them, but with the right beat I can picture this making an awesome song.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

verall I thought this was pretty good, so here's just a couple of things:

The first thing is that the first verse, every line starts with "This is goodbye to..." Maybe this is a personal preference, but it seems that having different beginnings to each line may make it flow a little better.

This is goodbye to beating myself up when things go wrong
It's not my fault that I reach a point where I can't be strong


About this part, I felt like the "it's not my fault" was kind of opposite of what this was about - like it was all saying, "I caved in but now I'm stronger." But then this line is saying that they're not to blame for their own mistakes.

Now here are the lines I really liked:

This is goodbye and I'm letting go of the things of my past
I'm still surprised that I allowed it to last
I can't control what's been done, I can only move on
Things that once were are no longer here; they're dead and gone.



Now I must go, and as I leave all this behind
I'd say it's been swell, but I don't want to leave on a lie



I thought these were really good. And overall, your lyrics are. I wish I could actually listen to them, but with the right beat I can picture this making an awesome song.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

you're correct....I agree