I had spent all night at possibly the most boring meeting I had ever gone to. We had gone to learn about the word of God, but it dissolved into a staring contest between me and some homeless guy as the priest went on and on. I still don't remember a word of what he was talking about. I do remember that it was raining real hard though.
So, when the entire thing was over, I went down the stairs to my car. It was still raining hard, but the wind had come up. I had to shield my eyes from the stinging drops of water. I knew by the burning sensation I felt, that this particular rain was mildly acidic, possibly from the sewage plant nearby. So, I kept my eyes shut, which was unfortunate, since there was a banana peel at the top of the stairs. At least, that is what they told me later, but that is getting ahead of the story.
I do remember slipping, but I don't remember much after that until I woke up at the bottom of the steps. For a moment I thought I was back at the meeting because of all the homeless people that were staring at me, but when the pain came from everywhere but my ears, I knew I must have had a bad fall.
"What the heck happened to me?" I asked.
"I dunno, but we called an ambulance an hour ago," one of the homeless persons said.
"How long before I die?" I asked weakly. At least, that is what I meant to ask. It came out like this: "How long?"
"We called an ambulance an hour ago. What are you, stupid?" I was about to answer, when the ambulance entered the parking lot at a speed that only emergency vehicles could go legally. It entered so quick that the car parked itself directly over me, missing my joints, which were in incredible pain at that point.
After they had backed the ambulance up, they loaded me onto the gurney. I was informed at that point, by EMT Jim Hanker, that I was going to die. Apparently Jim Hanker was on his first shift ever as an EMT. This theory was reinforced as he proceeded to stab my arm 20 times with an IV needle, before finally getting it right.
The ride over itself was a bad experience that I'd rather not repeat. Hanker's frankness and increasingly exaggerated commentary on the full extent of my injuries was of the most uncomfortable nature. My comfort was further decreased by the fact that the ambulance had been converted into a low rider. This not only meant that the entire vehicle would scrape the bottom of an intersection, but that every time we came by a convertible with pretty girls in it, the driver would start to show off his hydraulics. It was a wonder they even showed up in the first place.
After what felt like an eternity, we arrived at the hospital, which was only a block away from where I sustained my injuries. I could have walked there and have arrived in better condition then when I did in that ambulance. They rushed me into the emergency room, where they spent two hours making me sign waivers, and 20 seconds to do the actual work.
I learned later that I had received a mild concussion. Earlier predictions that I'd die in child birth were unfounded, which made me wonder if they had mixed me up with some of the patients in the maternity ward. One good thing did come out of the entire thing though, and that was that God was real. The fact that I am alive today is a sure sign of the power of God and his extraordinary ability to punish.
Gender:
Points: 2090
Reviews: 863