Young Writers Society

The Star Spangled Banner

“Sing it,” he said, staring at the young lady intently. His lips twitched once, half in a smile, and half in disgust, and he said again, “Sing again.”

The lady looked at him, and smoothed her pants out. “What’s that?” she asked faintly. His stare into her was too much, and she was beginning to tremble visibly.

“You heard.” He leaned back in his chair. “Let’s hear it.”

The lady paused, and then began to sing, her voice wavering slightly, then getting stronger as she continued.

Oh, say can you see,
By the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed
At the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars,
Through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched,
Were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare,
The bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night
That our flag was still there.
O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

She stopped, her heart fluttering, as she sat down quickly, watching the man finish taking notes. Then he stopped, looked over the notes, and then back at the lady. “That was very beautiful.” She flushed and trembled more.

“You will not charge me with treason?”

“Oh no, no, I wouldn’t do that. I just wanted to hear that song. You’re perfectly fine, I can save you, you know? I’m a politician.” She nodded dully and watched the man click his pen. “Even so, that was a very brazen political song…” He trailed off and then stared at the lady intently. “One thing that did catch me by surprise,” he said slowly, “when you said, ‘O’er the land of the free.’ Did you notice that the word ‘free’ was the highest note in the song?”

“Yes sir, I did, sir. I made sure it was sung correctly. I read the notes and…” the woman rambled on, but the politician did not listen. She was an idiot, and only concerned with keeping alive. Even she knew that the slightest political speech spoken might be the cause of death. The politician waved his hand away.

“Never mind that, here are the notes.”

He hand her some notes. It was the lyrics under the song, and underneath those lyrics were some notes about the song. The notes said:

Oh, say can you see,

Discriminates blind people

By the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed

Pride is bad. How can we be proud of a nation that is racist, bigot, and self-centered?

At the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars,
Through the perilous fight,

Violence is evil, cut out all violence.

O'er the ramparts we watched,

Ramparts destroy the environment.

Were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare,

No violence!

The bombs bursting in air,

No violence!

Gave proof through the night
That our flag was still there.

Only because we were fighting, and fighting is evil.

O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

That is not true. We are not free because we have not become absolutely equal.

He looked at the woman intently. She gulped. “I could not have guessed sir, I did not realize how harmful those words are.” She looked at him, panicky. “You will not tell anyone I sang it?”

“No, of course not, I give you my word. Now I have come up with a better version for this song, and I want you to look it over. Then you may go.” At those words, the woman’s head perked up, and she nodded happily, before reading it.

The politician grimaced as he saw her blank face. Idiot. He saw no reaction to her face, and he knew no reaction would come. They were all idiots, they couldn’t handle themselves. They were lucky that people like him were able to help them out.

She can’t even understand the words, he thought in disgust. He thought up the new lyrics himself. It went like:

How can you see
Amidst the fighting?
Rockets off
People dying
Lies all fraught
With unhappiness
Our only hope
Is GOVERNMENT

Shorter, but more to the point, he thought. Much better than that nonsense song. Yet that note, “free”… He shook his head. There was no point in thinking about that.

“It’s wonderful!” the lady proclaimed, her face flushed with happiness. “A much better improvement, I like it very much.”

“Thank you my dear lady, I am pleased that you accepted it.” She smiled more. “My assistant will show you off.” The assistant came in, and took the lady.

The politician paused one moment before dialing on his phone. “Police? I would like to report a treason…”

I like it. Great insight into the minds of many American people. A couple of things I find ironic about the song is that this song has references to violence and nobody seems to think it encourages violence, yet a song about surgery is condemed because people think it encourages self-mutilation.

Well that was an obvious demonstration of your total incompetence and lack of understanding the context of the song. It does not *promote* violence, it only describes the violence occuring. It does not encourage or even remotely say "go war"; in fact, it makes no reference other than the actual event of fighting and seeing your flag waving.

Plot-wise, this sucked. You had no premise other than "treason," which without a timeframe is utterly pointless. This was not thought-provoking, deeply intellectual, or ponderously disturbing; I mean, sure, if your writing to an audience who is *looking* for a reason to hate American patriotism and will do so through blind faith, yeah, it's fine, but for most people, you didn't accomplish your goal.

I thought it was very good.

Though I can see its not Incandescence's type of story. The story was very confusing to read and I didn't really know what I was reading. But I love the way you put it, if you know what I mean. Good work

Well, Brad thinks anyone who doesn't think America is the best country in the world is an ingornant fool, and that anyone who would dare say anything bad about his boyfriend King George should be shot.

Add the fact that this is out of context and has a terrible plot, and oila, Brad dislikes.

Incandescence wrote:Plot-wise, this sucked. You had no premise other than "treason," which without a timeframe is utterly pointless.

You miss the point. Whom does he report for treason?

But this is funny, Incandescence, since you and I are both conservatives who love America.

For all who are wondering, this was a character sketch. A character sketch is basically a very short story involving a character from one of your stories in a different scenario. A sketch of a character in his most exposed form, if you will. In this case, I had a mysterious character who seemed very cold, but I couldn't figure out whether his intentions were good or not. I made this character sketch and suddenly the plot for the main story this character was from fell together quite nicely. With that said, what do you think of the characters?

lol, Somehow I knew that was Sadie's father. I didn't know it the first time I read this fo you, because I hadn't read FREAK then, well, any of FREAK.

Reminds me vaguely of The Hidden...but it was very funny. If you take everything literally, then, yeh, the Star Spangled Banner is a bad song...never thought of that side of it before.