Young Writers Society

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Interesting, not bad. It confused me a little, but it's good, I lost track of who was who in some parts, but other than that it's fine.

I thought this idea was a little cliche, but it was extremely well executed. The stream of conscienceness was very well done, and very believeable.

There was a typo at the beginning:

Jamie, get off me shoulder

Should be "my shoulder." Sorry, I'm anal.

-Sarah

Anyone who tells me my work is cliched will have their nose bitten off. I don't care about that, and it really annoys me when people obsess about how original an idea is.

I wasn't being negative, really. It was just a thought of mine on the piece.

Yeah, I know. I just see young writers go on and on about whether not something is cliched or not and treat common ideas as though they were venomous snakes. I don't believe in avoiding cliches. I believe in playing with them for all they're worth and doing the best I can with whatever ideas work for what I am trying to do. All I care about is quality of execution.

But thank you for your thoughts, and for pointing out the typo.

The last bit about the lumps made me crack up...if that's not what you want, better change it.

Wow, this is good. Really powerful, and that is how thoughts go when you're worried about something..