This is a reference to Pulp Puppet Fiction, which you'd need to read first for this to make any sense
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Beaker Strikes Back
He pulled the sleek Walther PPK out of his suit jacket, it was small
and light, perfect for his smaller stature. He quickly screwed the
rough, home made silencer into place. He had his target, and he was
going to be damned if he was going to be stopped now. He'd come to
long, and gone too far to stop now.
After Fozze Bear got his, the whole world turned to hell. He was the
last of the Muppet Gang, but he had formed new alliances. Tarantino
and Uma Thurmond had lent their full support after Elmo pledged his
allegiance. Beaker set to work fast finding any and all puppets and
puppeteers alike to aid in his quest for revenge. He didn't have to
look hard.
The entire puppet community was in an uproar, and wanted nothing more
than to destroy the Tambonni family. Sesame St. was his first stop.
Elmo knew the right people, and could get him in. He went strait to
the ring leader of the group, Big Bird, and his second hand man,
Cookie Monster.
"Big Bird, you know why I am here."
"I know this indeed, Don Beaker. I wish I wish I could help you, but
you know very well, that my wings are tied. I have my own union to
run, my own people to keep happy. Elmo's eagerness to aid you is one
thing, but I cannot guarantee the willingness of the rest of my men.
Oscar you know, is very adamant about not leaving his can, its in his
contract. Bert and Ernie are against violence, and Telly is too dumb
to do anything but recite the fucking alphabet. I'm sorry, but I just
cannot help you at this time."
"The assault on the muppets is only the first step. Where do you
think those fuckers over at the Tambonni house are going to go for
next? Big Blue Bear? Fuckin Gifford? Small apples my friend, small
apples!"
"Unfortunately, I know this is true. However, at this moment in
time, I still cannot help you. But I know the name of the man that
can."
"Your not talkin about Oz?"
"The one and only. I can get you to him. It wont be easy, but I can
get it done. As you know, Oz is behind all of us. You, me, even
fuckin Lucas buts his fuckin head on the floor for Oz. You know
Tarrantino and Thurmon, thats a start. But the real McCoy is behind
Oz. You can get Oz, and you have my full support my friend. Now, get
the fuck out of here. I'll send someone for you at this address. Be
there no later than 11 PM in black. No heat. That shit may fly over
at the fuckin puppet show, but not with Oz." He wrote the address
down on a slip of paper, passed across the desk, and shooed the tiny
muppet away.
Beaker stood, and bowed his head, without uttering a word, turned and
left the room with the address in hand.
11 PM sharp. Standing all in black leotards, he left his gun back at
his studio apartment. He never felt comfortable without it anymore,
but he was going to see the Oz. A long slender black Cadillac, tinted
windows, too black to see through, and silver swirls along the trim.
It stopped. A window opened.
"You're Beaker."
"Ye-"
"That wasn't a question. Heat?"
"No, b-"
"Good, get in."
The door opened slowly. There was no light inside, even if there
was, he wasn't sure there was anyone inside. Lord knows where the
voice came from. He stepped in the car.
"The Bird says you got some business."
"Its about the Tambonni's."
"We know who it's about. You're the kid fixin to take them down."
He hadn't noticed at the time, but the car was now moving at a
dangerously fast speed. Bobbing and weabing through trafficso fast
heads were spinning. No one touched this car though, no one who
valued their life. Everyone knew who's car the black cadillac with
the silver swirls was, and no one had balls enough to even look at it
anymore.
"I got some debts need payin, if you get my sayin."
"We do indeed. Oz is willing to help you. After Sesame street goes,
Lucas would be next. Then its good riddance to puppets everywhere.
But he want's someone as a fall guy, unless this falls through,
someone he can put it all on as an individual crazy. He wants you."
"Not a problem, what d-"
"Take that package, there are instructions for the Bird, and several
other small grape gangs around the territory. You got any questions?"
"Where is he?"
"Oz? No one meets the Oz. He sends others in his place, he doesn't
show himself. Consider yourself lucky if you even meet fuckin Yoda.
Get out." The car came to a screeching halt, and the door again
opened. Beaker barely had time to set his foot on the ground before
the car sped off again.
Not thirty seconds later a second car showed up, Big Bird opened the
door. "I understand you have some instructions for me?"
That was it, Sesame St, Puppet shows from parks around the world, he
had them all. Not a single puppet could deny him now. Oz had his
back, and with Oz, there was victory.
Next, there came the standard in war waging supplies and ordinances.
Armored cars, guns, people, puppets, strings, over a tun of cotton,
thread and needles to close wounds, and seamstresses. It was time to
kill some fuckin Tambonnis.
It wasn't until after they had regained their original turf that he
realized. There wasn't any way to win this war for good, not without
infiltrating and killing Don Tambonni. He needed the Oz. It would
have to wait however, because it was snack time.
He closed the door to his apartment, checking twice for any would be
doer inners. After locking the door he proceded to the fridge, the
light didn't come on. It hadn't come on all week. It was still cold
though, and that was all he cared about.
"Need the don, you do."
Beaker snapped around and drew his gun so fast his head didn't follow
for several seconds after.
"Away put your weapon! I mean you no harm! The Don you need, yes."
".. Yeah, I need the Don."
"But get him, you cannot."
"I... can't?"
"Not in that form, hmhmhmhm. A puppet you are, a human, you must be."
"Not to kill the fucker."
"But close you must get, protected he is!"
"What do you propose? Going in guns blazing aint exactly gettin us there."
"Hm.. true this is, but other ways there are. Found him I have,
lucky to receive this, you are."
"If you know where he is, why don't YOU kill him?"
"Because, Yoda i am, killing my thing, is not."
And now, we're right back at the beginning. Johnny Tambonni right in
his sights. It would have been a clean kill too, no one would have
known, and suspected one of his own. If only it were not the distinct
sound of the click of a revolver in his ear.
"You, Doll, come with us."
"Or what?"The gun was pressed against his head.
"Right, which way then?" His gun was taken, he was blindfolded, and
lead into Tambonni's office.
"So Doll, we meet at last. You know, you've been causing me all
kinds of trouble lately. I should kill you right here. Who the FUCK
do you think you are?! I've lost 100's of men because of you! I've
lost turf because of you!"
"Kill me, or don't kill me, pig fucker, but spare me your dramatic speaches."
"No! I've got better plans for you... Bring him in!"
"Beaker? Beaker!! Your ALIVE?" the voice was unmistakable. Fozze
Bear was never killed. As quickly as he had been shown, he had been
taken away again. But it was enough to convince Beaker that there was
more to fight for.
"If you want to see your friend alive again, and in once piece, i
suggest you do what i ask."
"What do you want?"
"The Bird. Bring me the bird, and you get your bear back. Your
going to organize a full frontal attack on this base, and the Bird is
going to be there. Your going to put him in a position, something we
can get a hold of him with."
He didn't have to ask. He knew exactly why he wanted Big Bird. Big
Bird knew Oz personally, possibly the only living puppet to have seen
him. Apparently Tambonni didn't know of Beaker's connections to the
Oz. Bring down Oz, and bring down the puppets, once and for all.
Even Lucas would have to fold.
"Get my drift?"
"Yeah, I gotcha. You'll get your fucking bird." Beaker was lead
back to Sesame St, with everything he needed to know to walk into an
ambush. But he had other plans.
"Bird!! BIRD!"
"WHAT do you FUCKIN want?!"
"We're gunna get him, we're gunna get Tambonni."
"How the fuck do you propose to do that?"
"He gave me the plans..." Beaker explained everything. Yoda, the
assassination, and Fozze. He had a different plan though. There
would be an ambush alright, and there would be a bird, but it wouldn't
be anything the Tambonni's were expecting. Immediately the set into
action. Arming every able bodied puppet they could. And building a
suit. A replica bird. Bird 2 would be leading the ambushed assault,
and Bird 2 would be captured, and there would be not but 15 puppets,
not nearly enough to protect their false leader. It was planned to be
an amush, but it would in the end be the puppets to ambush the family.
The attack went on as planned, and the Tambonni's in the end, wound
up with their bird, and in return, let Fozze out the back door as
promised. But as he went out, puppets went in. The specially created
Puppets for Eratication of Tambonni Shitheads, or PETS, went in with a
lethal stealth. Systematically killing every standing man in the
house. Until finally, there was only one. Johnny Tambonni. Beaker
swore his revenge, and now he could have it. The coward was found,
hiding behind the fake Bird, threatening to kill him. Beaker simply
said "Meep." and mowed him down with his trusty Thompson.
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