My throat was dry and I was terrified. Joining hands with me in a full circle was the rest of our team, the theater team, a.k.a Junior Thespians. Although we were outside in the frosty December air, the space was filled with the warmth I had always felt when with my troop. After performing our spectacular one-act (45 minutes long and performed for 3 judges) and receiving excellent critiques the day before, we were all anticipating the IE portion of the competition. IE’s are individual events, and within that category are a multitude of performance options, including monologues, duet scenes, solos, and many other types of performances. That particular year followed an incredible year for me, as the previous year, my sixth grade year, my friend and I had achieved a superior (that’s the best you can get!) at both district and state Junior Thespian competitions. Exactly one year prior to that day, we had stood in the same circle that the whole team now stood in, on the exact same campus. We were at Bak, a performing arts school. This time though, I was alone. I was performing a monologue, which is just you, performing a piece of theater by yourself, without anybody else. There were butterflies, no, there were rocket-ships taking off inside my stomach, whirling around and spinning and crashing and exploding! And in addition to being one of the most difficult events to pull off, our troupe’s monologues just happened to be up first. And I was third.
After wrapping up the last of our warm ups and completing a successful team huddle, our troupe marched out of the chilling air and into the toasty building. Immediately all of the shivering shoulders relaxed… except for the shoulders of us who would be performing in a matter of minutes. It was so quiet, you could hear the small buzz of a little fly across the room. Lining the hallways were turquoise doors, guarded by volunteers of all ages in bright green shirts. I’m ready, I thought, rubbing my hands together and embracing the new-found warmth. Troupe 8---8 (that’s us!) traveled steadily down the hall, looking for Monologue Room 2. We found it in a short while. At this point, tens of thousands of rocket ships were storming around in my stomach, forcing me to shut my eyes and breathe in, begging the rocket ships to land themselves safely whereever they’d come from. The door opened as the previous monologue performance victim exited. Their own troupe surrounded them with hugs and words of encouragement, and we filed in. Silently, without a word, we found seats, mine on the floor in front of my friends and beside some others. Suddenly, my heart must’ve thought it had entered a race, because reality had struck and it was thudding against my chest wildly! Watching the few monologues before my turn didn’t help. Especially the best ones. The actor’s enchanting performances scared me to death, with their realistic tears and comedic genius. Finally, my name was called. “A----- P---, Troupe 8---8.”
I forced my legs to stretch out and found myself practically dragging my feet behind me. Even my body knew that this wasn’t going to be easy. I stood in front of the three intimidating judges, well aware of my hammering heart, ready to burst if I didn’t take a breath! Breathing in, and out, and in, and out… You can do it! my brain tried to scream to my mouth. I was afraid that when I tried to speak, nothing would come out. But that wasn’t the case. “Good morning, my name is A----- P---, and I will be performing a monologue entitled I Didn't Mean It. And I proudly represent…” I moved to where I would begin my scene, and breathed deeply. As I let my breath go, the rocket-ships, with my quivering voice and shaking body as their passenger, all flew out with it. “Troupe 8---8.” And then, I performed. What happened throughout is unclear in my mind, just blurred events I barely remember. I didn’t mess up though, I performed exactly how I’d practiced it. Sitting down, I felt a wave of relief, as friends took my hands and hugged me. My heart began to pump slower, acknowledging the torture’s end. I know for many people, it’s just another monologue for them to watch, a cute little performance. However, for me, it was much more than that.
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