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Suicide Note



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19 Reviews



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Points: 1753
Reviews: 19
Fri Oct 21, 2011 6:17 pm
JustMeNathalie says...



Spoiler! :
I was inspired by a six word memoir in the book "More Six Word Memoirs". I find when I read them it gives me inspiration to write. So, I wrote this. Any reviews would be much appreciated. I really need some help on this. My mom read this and says it feels like a beginning of a story. I've never been good a making a short story, I usually have the tendencies to make it feel like a beginning of a story (as my mother says). So, if you would give your opinions it will be very much appreciated. Btw, I was trying to make this story like a inner battle inside of the narrator's head, if that makes sense... I hope you enjoy!


I found my mother’s suicide note.
It lay beside her fallen hand.
It held two sentences:
No funeral. No nothing.


Did my mother really feel that way? Did she not hold steadfast everything and everyone that loves her? Did she not believe she was good enough for us? Or for herself?

She killed herself.

That’s wrong.

It’s not her right to say when she wants to die. It’s God’s choice when she dies.

Then why didn’t He have someone save her? Why did He let her suffer? Why didn’t I see this coming!? Why didn’t I try to stop her!?

How could you know that she felt this way? She never said anything.

Yes, she did! She’s hinted. I just never caught on.

Perhaps.

Since when did the mother I knew wear layers of make-up?!

Never.

When was the last time she spoke Dad’s name?

Three months ago. The day he died.



It’s not you’re fault that she died.

Yes it is!

No it is not.

Then who’s is it?

Hers. Her fault, and the devil’s for tempting her. And drawing her away from the faith.

I could have done something…

You were not aware.

… I should have been…

She was full of grief. She turned away from the one thing that could have comforted her.

God.

Yes. And she was led away from the Word and Him by the devil.

But… Why did she have to leave me?

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9
I don't obsess.

I think.

Intensely.

-----

Excuse me, I have work to do. Evil plots don't make themselves.
  





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Fri Oct 21, 2011 10:04 pm
briggsy1996 says...



Hi there!
This was excellent! I like how she's arguing back and forth with herself throughout the story- it makes it so interesting to read.
The content overall was sad, yes, but I almost think there's not quite enough emotion put into this. How is she feeling? I image she's depressed, right? I just wasn't getting the sense of that by the end.
My favourite part is the very end:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

-The Bible verse was a nice way to finish. :)

Overall, I loved reading it and with a few tweaks this could be a masterpiece!
Thanks for the read, and happy writing :)
-Briggsy
but the sky is love and i am for you
just so long and long enough
-E.E. Cummings
  








But what about second breakfast?
— Peregrin Took