Young Writers Society

Mama

A faint smile lit her face. I recognized the emotion in her eyes; I tried to shrug away from the sadness. I watched as she brushed away her grey strands of hair with her free hand. The angel like face I remembered was lost in the face of the woman I was looking at now. Her pale white skin had lost all its glow. I held her fragile hand in mine, letting the warmth make her feel better.
‘mama’, I whispered softly. She shifted her body gently, scowling in pain. I tried not to look at the many tubes sticking into her body, the monitor that kept beeping unsteadily; it was hard to even look at her.
‘Is it really necessary? Don’t mama’, I tried, ‘what have I ever done to you to deserve this?’
It was getting really painful to keep my voice steady. I did not want to break down in front of her. It would just depress her more.
‘Did you get me the cup cake?’ she asked instead. Moving as little as possible, I bent down to pick up the box. I opened it and held out the blue cup cake, just the shade of her beautiful blue eyes.
‘Ah, blue’ she murmured. She reached out a trembling hand to take it from me. I watched as she took a delicate bite and close her eyes, enjoying every bit of it. I vivdly remember the numerous times she had baked cup cakes for me.I quickly brushed away the tear forming at the corner of my eye.
The more I looked at her wretched state the more my throat twisted in pain. It was like I was standing alone underneath a bare tree, looking up at the stripped branches waiting for a blossom to appear. Waiting for lost hope. However, the more I waited the more closer everything got to death.
The memory came crashing down upon me, the day she decided to end her life. She had gone out of her way to convince me that she had to do it, and do it now, when her body was fighting the cancer. She said it was a calling, she could feel it. No amount of reasoning, no amount of tears could stop her. Now we were here, doing the incorrect, against law, against fate, against the universe.
‘Thank you’ she spoke having finished the cupcake.
‘Mama, I need you! Do not do this. Please’ I begged, my resolute all shattering as tears flowed incessantly down my cheeks. The faint smile was back.
‘But I want to. And it would be painless’, she said. I could feel her fragile fingers on my wet cheeks. After this day I could never feel her loving touch. I would lose the only thing I loved in this world.
We were interrupted by the doctor. My heart quickened its pace, hammering in my chest with fear. A sinking dread spread all over my living cells. I moved away from her and went to stand at the corner. My body wanted to shut down before it could witness what was about to happen, my soul wanted to leave my mortal body and get lost in oblivion.
I turned away from the determined look in my mother’s eyes.
‘Are you ready?’ the doctor’s voice sounded distance. It was a miracle I was even letting this happen. The man who called himself doctor looked rather confident about what he was about to do.
My mother nodded once, ‘never been more’ she chuckled slowly. She averted her face to look at me. She held out her shrunken hand towards me.
‘Please’ she pleaded. I did not want leave my place in the shadows but I forced all my will to take her hand in mine. It felt like time was moving slow, testing my self-control.
‘I will always love you. I will love you forever and a day’ she told me.
‘I love you too’ I whispered. I could feel my whole body tremble in fear.
‘Shall we do it?’ the doctor asked for confirmation. I didn’t answer but my mother did. I watched with dread as the doctor brought the needle closer to her body. I felt an intense urge to push him away, throw my hands out to protect my mother but I held back. The needle plunged into her paper like skin. She frowned at the sting. I hugged her for the last time.
Her deep blue eyes never left my face, she watched me hungrily wanting to take this memory with her to the far of land she wanted to go to.
‘Mama’ I called her. My lips went numb after that. I could not speak anymore. Neither could she. Her eyes fluttered weakly. She loosened the grip on my arm.
‘Mama’ I wanted to say. I could feel urgency as her life slowly drifted away from her; from me.
I watched in terror as her breath stopped.
the doctor shook his head and left the place. A cry escaped from my lips. I pushed myself away from the bed and went down on my knees. I pulled at my hair as I thought about what had just happened. Another cry rang out.
‘Mama, come back, please. I am not ready’ I wanted to yell. As I sat near her feet, I knew my soul had left along with her’s leaving back an empty shell to roam this senseless world.

Hello there!
This was a nice short piece, clearly very dramatic! I liked the writing as well, but some bits don't come across as intended and could be fixed up with a nice rewrite. Also, some lines could be written stronger! Like this one "I held her fragile hand in mine letting the warmth make her feel better." could be changed just a little for a stronger meaning "I held her fragile hand in mine, allowing its warmth to immerse her comfortingly." Just small things here and there can really improve the piece! I'll tackle grammar in a sec
The cupcake part seemed very important, but I came out of it not knowing what that was all about. Why a cupcake? Did the mother like cupcakes especially? If so, why did she like them so much? The color of the cupcake sounded significant, was it or was it just coincidentally a blue frosted cupcake? Maybe it has to do with mother's eyes?
Also, towards the end (the most dramatic scene) you could add in some of what the daughter is thinking, or maybe a particularly fond memory involving her mother comes to her? I definitely want to know more about this mother and daughter and why their parting is so painful. You could easily insert something like that into this piece!
Anyway, I did like it, it's promising! Some grammar things I noticed:
However, the more I waited the more closer everything got to death. (the more here could be taken out and the sentence still makes sense)
‘Thank you’ she spoke, having finished the cupcake. (a comma here makes it flow nicer)
‘Shall we do it?’ the doctor asked for conformation (I think you mean confirmation)
As I sat near her feet, I knew my soul had dispersed along with her’s, leaving behind an empty shell to roam this senseless world.(don't forget those commas! And again a quick rewrite can strengthen your work)
If you're confused by anything (which wouldn't surprise me since I'm really confusing) message me!

This was a very cute and dramatic short piece, it was emotional and visual. Your imagery is perfect, and your simile is exact. The only problems I see are the factual parts. For example, the process that you have described, at least where I live, is illegal. It is a process provided by those called "The Angels of Death," and hundreds of them get arrested each year for doing what they think is right. Also, if this was an act of a said angel, they would definitely not let anyone else know about it. Especially not a family member. You don't explain what's wrong with the mother, why she's sick, how she got to be that way, or how she was before she was so sick. You don't explain why she wants to die, or why she's chosen to go in such a way. Also, I can't connect with this piece just due to the sheer impossibility of it. It's illegal and irrational, but it is still well written. Maybe you could write in in such a way that it was them pulling the life support plug after 3 years of being on the system, and the son had to leave the room just before it happened (they wouldn't let him stay of course).
That is what I would do at least. Goodluck! This piece is excellently written .