Once upon a time there was a bunny.
"Hold it!"
Okay. I was wrong. Once upon a time...
Once upon a time, there was an army of bunnies. They weren't your regular carrot-gnawing furry little critters. They had pink fur, these big, big blue eyes that could turn anybody who looked at them into obliterated mush, and their main weapon...were machine guns.
"Right, front and centre!" The general of the bunny army looked the cutest of them all. He was the smallest, aye, and the sweetest shade of pink there ever was. But he hated his pink color, see. He painted himself all sorts of colors; red, blue, violet, green, purple and even black. But the dye would wash out after a while, and he would be pinker and fresher than ever. This, of course, caused a lot of confusion in the ranks, but no one complained. He was, after all, the general. "I want each and every able-bodied bunny here to take good care of every word I'm saying!" he squeaked, sounding more and more like a pincushion letting out air with every word he said. "Because they're my words, and my words--"
A couple of shots rang out in the ranks, cutting across his pompous introduction. He wrinkled his soft nose and stepped down from the platform. "What sort of nonsense is going on here?!" His squeaking now went up to a level that would've been intolerable to any human ears. "I swear, when I get my hands on the culprit who dared interrupt my speech--"
BAM. The general keeled over, a big red splotch staining his pale pink underbelly. "General!" The soldiers gathered around him in shock, and someone brought a stretcher and carried him away. The soldiers stared at each other and shrugged. It wasn't as if they needed the General to beat those humans.
Or did they?
***
It didn't take long for the news to reach all corners of Bunnyland. Of course, the bunnies each had their own individual opinion. This, from a regular pedestrian bunny: "I believe the General was a brilliant bunny. It was only because of him that Bunnyland has survived so long. Death to the humans!" Doing so, he leapt through a broken fence into a human farm, no doubt determined to help Bunnyland in his own way. It is a miracle such patriots to our land still exist!
However, on the other side of the spectrum, we have this from a geriatric bunny, living out its last days entrapped in a cage contrived by those despicable humans. "Oh...you know," he mumbles, gnawing at something the humans have left for him in a tray. "I don't really think the humans are that bad, ya know? I think they're fine creatures, in their own way, dontcha think?" Ah, such a miserable life to lead! This poor bunny, sequestered and trained all his life to be a pet, an animal of no value except to be stared at by those disgusting humans...debauchery!
Even as we speak, however, the humans had a far more dastardly plan in mind. It wasn't long after the General went down, poor soul, that the bunnies had something far more evil to contend with--a disease, spread by the humans. As far as the eye could see, we bunnies began to lose our precious pink fur; indeed, even I am nearly completely bald myself as of now. It was and still is--a horrible thing to contend with. We bunnies lost our pride; one by one, we laid down our machine guns, having already lost to the despicable humans.
But dare I take some amount of joy in the fact that even in surrender, we have come up with the most brilliant of plans?
"Now, listen here," the general speaks from his bed, still coughing up blood. Such a brave, brave bunny. "There's no such phrase called 'giving up' in my dictionary. Even if we're going to surrender to the humans, we're gonna do it in style, you hear?" He coughed up more blood. "And you're gonna listen to me, because I'm the general. You guys know that, right?"
This time, no shots were fired; we perked up our ears, and listened; and listened. We listened till the plan properly registered in our heads, and we liked what we heard. It was the perfect, perfect plan.
When the time came for the humans to demand our complete loyalty to them, our ambassador proposed a deal between us and the humans. Secretly, we chortled to ourselves, for they understood little of this 'deal'. You see, at the very end, we bunnies had the last laugh.
Oh, you didn't get it yet, silly human? We are still alive, in your own very head, and we will be there for eternity. Take away our prestige and freedom, will you? Then we shall plague you forever, and ever, and ever, because we're plot bunnies, and you can never defeat us, ever!
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