Young Writers Society

Enormity of this story is in my portfolio, simply named 'Sourblood'. Get it now?! xD

OH MY GOSH!! This was so exciting you cant stop yet!!

Delys reminds me of a vampire I read about in another book. He liked to get people drunk and then...do whatever they do. he was funny.

But I really like it. I like the way you put humor into it and dont make it all weird and depressed like most of the vampire stories..and i finally understand the title...

My only suggestion might be to explain a little more. How did she suddenly turn into a wolf? Does Es have magic that can turn other people in wolves? Or is Aslina a werewolf? I'm afriad I got confused at that part...

But otherwise I REALLY liked it!! I'll be waiting suspensefully for more...

Well, I liked it. I must say that you have done a better job of differentiating bad guys in this one. I see neither a Rick nor a Kayo anywhere nearby.

Even though I don't usually have much humor in my stories - or if I do it's cruel and unusual - I still appreciate yours...it never fails to make me laugh. Even if it's in an unwilling manner.

I would still suggest slowing down a little. The pace is better then Rick and Kayo and definitely better than Jec and Tyl, but there are still things that need to be cleared up. I agree with littebitcold on ONE particular comment. There needs to be more explanation for the sudden wolf-changing thing.

Other than that; good.

Here's a few problematitudes that you can fix up fairly easily.

“Yes, if you’d like to know, it is all your fault.” Es said calmly

Comma after 'fault'.

“We’re finally there! Thanks to De-De- him, we got here much too late to see Father. But it wasn’t my fault.” Es quickly added

Comma again.

“Shut your mouth before you open it.” She snapped

Comma again.

“I’ll bring some lunch. Just stay there, alright?” She rushed away

Wow Nu, you actually took a turn being the nitpicker. It becomes you nicely. xD

I will fix dese things soon, but in the meantime, put up more 'Ever Happily'!!!


And Little - what should I call you? o_o; - thanks again. Yes, Es is a were-wolf. Were-wolves just look like normal wolves, only stronger and faster. =D