Young Writers Society

--Deleted

Hi, Gheala! This is a really interesting story, I can say that I really enjoyed it! I like your writting style really interesting, too!

‘James, what’s wrong?’ I heard a voice ask, but the voices in my head rocked my senses and echoed across my very being, something that I didn’t think was even possible.

Here in this diolog! I think it should be like this:"James, what's wrong?" I heard a voice ask...
I mean what Im trying to say is that you should use Quotation Marks Instead of Apostrophes but it was a really good story so keep writting that novel!
Bye

Hello, Gheal!
I'm here to review! Sort of of, I mean, what can I possibly review from just a small excerpt but I will do my best nonetheless.

Most of this is random, in my mind. I have no idea exactly what the plot line or the characters are, therefore I can't really criticize this. Just as a suggestion, maybe you could have mentioned something about the story, sort of like...a synopsis perhaps, something that can make us feel closer to the story, in a sense. While I was reading, I had a difficult time picturing where he was or what was going on. You mentioned something earlier about this being a dream, I believe it is so, since well...bowing in a pool of blood isn't something very normal. Then again, what type of novel this is, I'm not quite sure yet. lol.
Anyway, casting that thought aside, I found your writing style again to be something quite deep. Your word choice is nice, your sentences were constructed with thought and I compliment you on that.
From this small excerpt, I'm thinking your novel is dark? I remember you told me something about it before but unfortunately my mind ceases to remember...argh! I think you had a cool plot too...
Anyway, I don't have much to say about this, I'm sorry if I wasn't much of a help. I mean, there's a limit to what I can do =P
I can be of more help if you posted the first chapter, or if this was more of longer read but other than that, I suggest you keep up the good work. I enjoyed reading this even though I had no real idea what was going on. The story itself seems interesting ^^
Call me if you need anything else, friend! ^^

~Shear

I'm really glad you liked the writing style itself. I think that's the basis of a good novel, even though I do know that the excerpt is quite short. Thing is that I never really trust my writings, believing that people would never like it if I do post any of it. So, I posted a really short piece, obviously. Lol
Here, a summary of the plot:

James is an eighteen years old guy, whose mother got killed six months ago. He's half Egyptian, half American and somehow he's forced to hate Egypt because whenever he stepped foot on its land, something bad happens to him, especially that his mother was killed in Egypt. He loved her dearly and it cut through him like a rusty blade when she died. He even tried to find the killer and take revenge, but he couldn't, especially that there were no strings and the police said it was suicide.
He decided to leave Egypt and go back to the States,, where he stayed for five months before he returned. The wasted blood of his mother only gave birth to hatred and resentment to the world around him and to himself as well, because people said he killed her and he also thought it was his fault. As anger grew within him, he somehow will be directed to a way that will help ease his agony a little. Becoming an assassin of the criminals in the Egyptian town (as the crime waves increase there) will soothe him temporarily and also kill the little amount of humanity within him. And that, while he's struggling between his good and bad selves as his love to the innocent Egyptian girl grows stronger with every beat of his heart.

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Thanks a lot for getting my hopes up. I'm so so very glad that you liked my words and my writing style, because that was flattering enough to make me go back to writing tonight (even though I'm dizzy for a reason that I don't know)
Thanks a lot! Next time, a longer excerpt and I'm going to fight my low self esteem and distrust in myself.