Young Writers Society

Caress, Pants; British Love, Boston Affection

July, 1749.

“Are you blushing, Welcome?” Martha asked, than tapped her husband’s nose playfully with a finger.

“What if I am?” he asked and returned her smile.

She reached below the covers and rubbed his skin tenderly. “We should decide on two names. One for a boy and one for a girl.”

“Yes,” Welcome agreed. He had no intention of halting his wife’s touch below the waist. Her hand was now stroking the upper thigh just barely above his private area. It aroused him a little, and Welcome eagerly snuggled closer.

“That wasn’t much help,” Martha laughed.

“Do we have to decide now? I am enjoying the moment,” he replied honestly.

Martha laid her head on top of Welcome’s chest and thought dreamingly for a few seconds before answering. “A young lady would add spice and sunshine.”

“I see your mind is elsewhere now and our lovemaking has concluded.” That fact however, did not derail Welcome’s emotions. Instead, with his free left hand, he wiped the sweat along his forehead and then scratched under his neck. Both were warm and sticky. Even the cotton covers clung in between his legs. They itched too but Welcome ignored the distraction and focused on the more involved subject. “Whilst a girl would be accepting, I prefer a brother.”

“Are you remembering your childhood?” she asked and then frowned.

He shook his head immediately. “I have no intention on embarking down that path.”

“But I recall you longed for a brother in your youth,” Martha said softly to him.

“Correction,” Welcome smiled who warmed up to the notion. “I wished to have a son that thought of his father as more than a disciplinary figure. I shall be blessed if a boy is born.”

“We will be blessed,” she retorted and swatted the top of his shoulder lightly, while her left remained under the covers.

“Yes, that is true,” he grinned. “However,” Welcome thought aloud and the expression he had was replaced with a grim one. “We shall not name the boy after my father, understood?”

“Welcome, someday you will have to come to terms with your past and reveal it. It might help to mend deep wounds.”

“But it has no place now or ten years in time. What say you consider the names of our first born with me if the Lord grants us a child and cease poking those old wounds of mine.” With a thumb, Welcome pinched Martha’s right cheek lightly and produced a thin smile.

“As you wish,” Martha sighed. “If is girl is to be born, how do you feel about naming her after your mother?”

“Patience is a fine name but I prefer a boy instead,” Welcome said stubbornly.

“So you have said already.”

“And I shall say it again. I want a son.”

“Is there a name for this imaginary child?” Martha chuckled.

“Do not mock me, my woman,” Welcome scoffed.

“How about Jonathan, after my father?”

“I believe that might be an insult to his name, yes?”

“He is right out front, how could that possibly be an insult?”

“Yes, but Jonathan has been dead for quite some amount of years. Having a living Jonathan treading over the grave of a dead Jonathan is most morbid and unacceptable, if you ask my opinion.”

“Well, if you’re so right in the ways of naming, why not suggest a few?” Martha frowned.

“I have had a certain amount of an attraction to ‘Samuel,’” Welcome said instantly.

Martha thought about the suggestion a few minutes before responding. “Samuel Garrison,” she said aloud, than one more time. “It does have a certain appeal.”

Welcome nodded and then kissed the top of his wife’s head. “Then it is settled. The name Samuel if a boy is to bless us and Patience if a girl is born.”

“I knew there was some intelligence left up in that empty shell,” Martha laughed teasingly.

“Empty shell indeed!” Welcome hooted. “Shall we continue?” he asked eagerly, than winked afterwards.

Welcome and Martha remained in their bed, under the covers for another hour. During this period of love and affection, the thought of a son filled Welcome’s heart with a profound amount of joy. To father a child of his own… He closed his eyes tight and rested his forehead on top of her breasts, thinking of the future.

it is good that the couple live away from the outskirts of Boston

This is weird. If you say they live away from the outskirts of Boston, I think you mean to say they do not live outside of Boston. But I think what you are trying to say is that they do, in fact, live in the outskirts of Boston. Perhaps?

Martha asked, than tapped her husband’s nose playfully with a finger.

Than-> then

the upper thigh just barely above his private are

Are->area?

I think you could actually do to cut the first and last paragraph of narration. The biggest problem for me was that I couldn't figure out, in many places, who was speaking. It didn't help that Welcome seemed like a female name to me. But consider keep in some tags, or having more action in place. I got real lost in places, so it made it hard to figure to who was saying what...

Otherwise, I'm not sure I have anything to say.

Hey, Jess.

I usually don't read R stuff, but I thought that since you've been talking about it, I'd take a peek.

It was good. It seems like a scene that would most definitely be in a book. Haha. I love the name Welcome.

There isn't a whole lot to suggest. Sorry. It was really well written and um... interesting? I guess. Yeah. But it's an important factor.

*stays clear of the birds and the bees talk*

Haha. Good job.

-Jared

Hey Jared - Suz!

I typically stear clear from this subject but ... I got curious - Sam's fault. Her char's traits rubbed off on mine. XD Then the more I thought about it, I wondered how my main char - Sam G. - came in existance. Now I'm painfully aware, lol!

Thanks so much guys.

Hey.

This was interesting. It wasn't exactly enthralling, but it wasn't boring. It was pretty well-written, also.

Only thing is this:

“I see our lovemaking has come to a close.”

When did it start? She only rubbed his thigh a little. That's not exactly lovemaking.


So yeah, just one problem. Good job. Keep writing.

When did it start?

I don't know you tell me. I don't always construct a clear path for readers but rather I try to put enough information in and allow them to form their own conclusion. It's my weird style I suppose but it IS a good point though.

She only rubbed his thigh a little. That's not exactly lovemaking.

XD

I did overlook that. Well... no more late night writing for me by drinking tons of soda in which the caffiene dulls my common senses, lol!

No, I suppose it wasn't enthralling but I'm glad it wasn't boring either. It's rough, that is certain. Thanks for reading and commenting. *goes off to edit*

Hola! As said above, this was very nice. Kind of oddball, but also fun. My only suggestion would be the removal or reformatting of the introduction. It's impossible to tell who is speaking in the first paragraph, and then it immediately changes.

Hope that helps,

Haley

Haha... That's the second time someone's suggested to yank the narration. XD I suppose it's doing the story no good at all. Oddball might not be the word of choice for me personally. lol! After working with these two characters for years, it was very awkward. I really was gagging.

Thank you very much for your input, Haley.
Cheers!
Jess

I find myself reading all of the things in your portfolio now, Jess. ^^ Lucky you!!!

Beautiful--I loved it! I agree that Welcome is a nice name--a bit odd, but nice nonetheless. I've seen Welcome and Hello as boy's names (from the past). What's next? Goodbye?

I liked how he just doesn't let go--he has his opinion and he sticks to it. He wants a son and God so help him, he'll get one!

I typically stear clear from this subject but ... I got curious - Sam's fault. Her char's traits rubbed off on mine. XD Then the more I thought about it, I wondered how my main char - Sam G. - came in existance. Now I'm painfully aware, lol!

I tried to steer clear of it, too, but I think all author's get a little curious, no? ^^ Haha, I did the same thing--pondered how my main character came into being and ended up writing about how his mother and father fell in love--and made him!!!

See ya!!!

-x-Ashes (Zoey, Birdie, Zoe--take your pick!!! ^^)

hello,

I usually stay away from R rated things as well but I don't think this was graphic as some others I have read.

Actually, I don't think this was graphic in the least...well, maybe some parts. But otherwise, it was a fine read.

I do have some suggestions, however,

1) You need to draw the reader in faster than you do now. It was sort of a dull beginning. This seemed like something out of the MIDDLE of a novel, not the end. But, that might just be me.

2) Welcome...that name is kind of iffy for me. I like it but I don't. So, I'm not really such how to comment on that. I do agree, however, with some people above that Welcome does sound like a girls name.

The things I liked:

I did like the overall scene. The ending really makes me want to read on. (if there is more...which I'm not positive on that note. You'll have to PM me if you do)

Anyway, I liked it. It was well written. I must say that I LOVE your title!!! It caught my attention right away.

My last piece of advise is that maybe lengthen it. It was a little too short for my taste!

Well, Good Luck!

Nice Dice, I enjoyed this piece quite a bit. I thought it was cute and I liked how the topic they were talking about was quite ordinary but had insight from the past and other factors. It was very well written and I don't know I just liked it. There where some grammatical errors and whatnot, which others have pointed out and I shall not, since that would just be annoying and we all make mistakes. It's how we learn. Anyways, I would very much like it if you wrote another one about this couple, maybe after the baby is born, I do assume from this piece the wife is pregnant..or maybe just a few months down the road. I really like this and the title is very catchy, and caught my eye. Oh, also I like that his name was Welcome, I had never heard a name like that before. Overall nicely done..keep writing.

Haha, you are a crazy person, you realize this?

Anyway, I may just be perverted and stuff, but I want more action! I mean, you got me hooked as soon as you said "private part" so I was hoping, "Hot and sweaty sex!" But... there was none. Still, this would have been okay, if there was more action between the dialogue. I mean, I think it's weird that they would be talking about their childhoods during foreplay, but whatever! I sort of want to know what Welcome thinks Martha looks like, especially what he thinks she looks like NAKED! And what is she doing during this foreplay? In other words, I want to know if she's kissing him, where she's touching him, etc., and I want to know the same as far as what Welcome is doing.

But yeah. You're crazy.

Nutty as a fruitcake, Snoink!

*sighs* While I deplore description, in this case I could go into greater detail with *everything*. *coughs* That is, if I don't puke beforehand. This story is screaming to be expanded. It's just a matter if I can stomach it, haha! Maybe I'll just write late at night when I can barely keepy my stinkin' eyes open and then see what jibberish erupts.

Rory - and everyone else -

Thanks all. I've read all your comments and while my time these days isn't always my own, I'm sorry I've been slow to respond. Kudos to everyone's advice. It's appreciated.

For Snoink's desires, *rolls eyes* I suppose I should suck it up and really dig in deep. (This could get interesting, considering Welcome's traits and likewise his wife's). You've been warned.

Haha, I look forward to the edited version of this I think. But yes, you certainly need to go further with your description! Good characterization in there though, I love how rather stiff and reserved the characters seem and at the same time affectionate and close. It's a great scene to show the old British politeness and the discussion is wonderful but more description certainly necessary.

I think you need to at least let your reader know what position the two are lying in, whether they're side by side or is Martha perhaps on top? And for someone initially more interested in love making than the topic of discussion, Welcome seems to have some very well thought out, clear answers already -- is this, then, a topic he's already considered?

I'd love to know how Martha feels about the name Samuel. Is she accepting it just because that's her husband's will or is she genuinely fond of it? Why are they thinking out names already? Is Martha pregnant? Is Welcome off to war?

Try to weave in their stories just a little more and give us a greater sense of setting. What sort of bed are they in? A nice, large four poster, a king size? Or a double mattress laid across the floor and bedecked with sheets? Their way of speaking suggests a high social class and therefore one of the former but I want to know, I want more clues!

Ahem. I'll let you get to your editing now. Pm me when you're done, perhaps?

Heather -

*laughs* Your questions have given me all kinds of fun ideas that I could really get into except they might lead me way off astray and major conflicts as it has been mentioned, "old wounds" will surely arise but in greater detail than before. For example, Jonathan Handy, Martha's Father, it's never really explained about his death, nor why Welcome is hesitant to name their child after him. And again, regarding Welcome, why was he deadset in not naming thier child after his Father? You see, while I purposely left out specifics I suppose, to answer them, it could get ugly. Then again, since the French and Indian War has not broken out yet - (1755) - Welcome is not yet completely and fully mentally crippled.

To go in greater depth, for me, there are many doors that will swing open - and it could get very interesting - for me.

I will PM you, Heather, when I finish the second draft. Thank you.