This was a very intruiging piece but, I think it would help if you described more. What does her home look like, what do the main charaters look like? Where doesshe live? It will help capture the reaserand let them be apart of the story. Also, write about how the characters feel. This is a very well written story. I hope to read more.
See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. Ask for no guarantees, ask for no security. — Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
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