Young Writers Society

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Wow, that was great. I caught only one or two minor errors.

I assure you; I would not betray the government.

I think the semicolon could be a comma.

sludge-brown and kaki

It's spelled "khaki." Don't ask me why, but it is.

Other comment: The characters' thoughts are well done, but maybe you could shorten those sections.

Hey lhighton,

The uniform, nearly completely back

"Nearly completely" - two adverbs in a row. Looks bad. Also, typo there, should be black.

Ebbe stood still, unmoved, for that is how he had [s]to be[/s], to appear

The Chancellor’s title was spoken [s]out[/s] with admiration and with a ring of high praise

This is a sad little piece. You never really make me fear or worry about the intruding Nazi, but it's still written very well. I would suggest, if you ever wanted to edit this or do more with it, then to make the Nazi a more formidable character. Right now, he seems himself injured and feeble and in his persecution of Ebbe, though he himself thinks he's striking fear.

Thanks for the read! C:

Thanks Kyte. Will correct those errors.


clobgrabby - I see what you mean. It was intentional, however, to show the Friedrich in a humane light. Though probably edging into taboo, I didn't want it to be one of those good guy/bad guy things. From studying the rise in Nazi support, it is clear that a lot of it was to do with economy. Before the persecution became absolute, people like Friedrich were joining up. By the time that the full extent of Hitler's intentions became evident, they were trapped. And I know that it isn't ideal to say so.