hey this is for school 6th grade very informal dont tell me the grammer please just tell me what you think of the story thank you and anyone who posts a reply i love you!
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LETTER #87
Dear Brother and Sister,
I am so sorry I have not contacted you until now. But there’s a big culture difference when you move from the steppes to the city of Luoyang. Luoyang is not as pure and innocent as your little village but not as scary as Old Woman Lee made it out to be.
Part of the reason I am writing to you is to inform you of my whereabouts. I am currently working on Qin Shi’s Great Wall. I am not working on it form some noble reason such as being an artist or reading the works of Confucius. No, I am a criminal. My crime was murdering my dear wife Yue Linn. I never meant to, it just happened. I am sorry but I do not like to dwell on that topic. However I want you to know how very sorry and remorseful I am. I don’t want you to think that I’m a heartless shell of a human, but to tell the truth my letter is so dead of the passion and energy that you remember me being because I am half dead. Not only did going to the city strip me of some of that youthfulness but also working on the wall completely broke me down.
The working conditions here are completely wretched. My job is to carry the stones from one place to another. At first I thought it was easy but the longer you work the harder it gets. The stones weigh about 1,000 pounds and were as big as a child. Even sharing the workload it’s tremendously difficult, and I must say I am rapidly atrophying both mentally and physically.
Quite frankly I’m lucky to still have the privilege. You see I complained to the head solider about a guard’s treatment of us and I was accused of committing treason. I did not I was just complaining that when I asked for some water I got beaten! However I’ve learned from that mistake, and unfortunately that’s how life goes around this encampment.
Oh sister, do you remember when you used to complain about the weather on the steppes? You always said it was too windy and it made your lisps hurt. But the weather seems so much worse when you have to work through it. Father babied you and let you stay indoors, that is not how it goes in my case. Sometimes in spring, the rain comes down in such huge drops it hurts your head to be out side, but we still build that wall. The only exception is sand storms.
During my first month I thought a sandstorm would be a welcome relief, a chance to rest. But no, I think I remember thinking I think I would rather be working then to try and make conversation with this sorry, complaining lot.
It’s exhausting to think that we still have 2,000 more miles to go and I doubt I will see this wall completed.
Thou I do have one thing to warn you about. If you have any desire to get out of the country and see the world leave now. I have a feeling that this wall will not only stop invaders from coming in but also prevent the citizens from leaving. Some part of me knows that this wall will oppress the people of china subtlety. I am running out of time so I once again beg you to please forgive me. And will you write me back? I love you.
-Shing Chin
Well, then she wouldn't be so dear to him, would she? Mentioning a murder and not explaining it is much too confusing. It draws the reader away from the rest of the story. They wonder what happened and why she was murdered. Murder is just to big of a crime to mention quickly. Instead, I would make him a common criminal -- such as a thief.
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