Young Writers Society

July 1, 1863

There is a war. It was told to never hit here but it did. A war in Gettysburg. I shutter just to think of it. Ma is trying to help by healing the soilders. More and more flood into our home. Some I whisper comforting words to but some- they be to far gone. The roads run red with their sweat and blood. It makes me miserable even by this candlelight to hear their moaning. I try to help but even I- all but fifeteen years of age- shutter at the sight of the men, blood running down into their mouths. Yet this is but day one! What horrors await us! How long shall this last? How many shall yet die. only in this one house- seventeen miles from the battlefield has had five men die. My father is still away. We are not sure if he is here or away. He is aganist the slavery of man. I see not why we need to fight over it, though I do agree with him. I hear more moans. I might as well go see what it is.

July 2,1863

In my haste I forgot to open this new journal. I am Sarah, daughter of General Morris and Lady Mary. My father is away, to fight in this ' Civil War'. 'Tis petty , this war, the sake of so many lives on one foolish request. President Licoln should see this house! 'Tis filled to the brim with wounded and dead. There came a man just this morning, his tendon torn apart by a bullet. My mother had no chice but to cut of his leg. Oh the blood! I will never again see so much again. Oh dear Lord forgive me for critizizing my authorities. I be sorry but my heart speaks my truth.

July 3, 1863

I did not sleep last night. There is but no room and I must help my mother. The soilders are coming in less now but they tell tales of victory. I wish my heart to be lifted but their eyes speak tales of sadness. The rebels of the bunch tell the tales of men dieing, of both sides. I sit here rocking back and forth fearing my father is dead. Lieing on the ground, bullet in his chest. Stop it. I will not speak of such foolish thoughts. I wish they would tell me more, but each remaine tight lipped. I shall hope it for a good cause.

July 4, 1863

I write this with haste but 'tis important.The war is over!A man came in an hour ago, singing the joyful news. Then in my excitement, I did forget only the Gettysburg war is over. Many more lives shall be lost in the Civil war. I will not let that thought dim my mind. We have released some soilders but have many more days of healing left to us. Yet 'tis victory! The soilders tell me of their reasons and I belive I am seeing the light. They belive so much! I admire them so! They are still horses to try to fight. 'Least I see their resons. Shan't that be enough?

This was very believable and convincing, especially in an entry like form. After reading it through it even made me wish the story was longer and that I knew more of the characters life. Very well composed and I don't have anything bad to say exactly about it.

I liked it, but I think you had short sentences some times. read it through and add a few commas. You remembered to put in old time language which was smart. I saw a few grammar mistakes, you wrote licoln , didn't put a space in between sentences, didn't capitalize war in Civil War. Pretty much just look through it and correct your mistakes. I liked the story, Your character shows good emotions towards the war, fear, happiness for the end, haste. Keep writing!

Hello! I enjoyed this but the sentence structure was a bit short. Along with a few spelling errors. Besides that I really liked reading this. You developed your character well and I got the sense of the time period with how you phrased your entries. It was very short though. Maybe add some more entries, perhaps? In short, this has potential and I hope to read more.
Keep writing! Hope I helped. Feel free to PM if you have any questions.
~Ballerina

Great!!!

A few spelling errors, but the characterization? Wow! what a treat.

Hey there!
I thought your story was pretty good!
Here are the problems I had with it:
1. There were a lot of spelling errors.
2. The journal entries seemed so choppy, it seemed like you were in a hurry to finish when you wrote this. My advice would be to take your time a bit more as this is most likely why you are making so many spelling mistakes as well.
3. What do mean by the war was told never to hit Gettysburg? You mean your character was told that the war would never hit Gettysburg?
Aside from those things I thought the story was well written, I knew right away when in history your story was taking place and I enjoyed how you used language from the period as several other people have mentioned. It really added to the authenticity of your story and helped put me in your character's shoes. Good job!
*daydreamer