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Miz Madison



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12 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1040
Reviews: 12
Mon Jan 24, 2011 3:00 am
Ladynagrom says...



This is wrote in the African-American Vernacular English dialect because it's narrated by an African-American slave girl. It's also possibly extremely racist, or extremely decent. PLEASE BE THE LATTER. I'm turning this in for an English paper tomorrow.

There are many tales 'bout that famous Miz Madison. But I'm gonna tell you one thing, an' one thing only. It was mah idea to save them papers. I din' care nothin' 'bout that president, that first one- George Washin'ton- but I though' maybe Miz Madison would've. I don' think she really cared all tha' much, but maybe she knew it'd make her look good. It did alrigh', made her famous. More'n she already was. Yeah, Miz Madison, she was popular with her people. She knew jus' what to say 'n do to make 'em like her. But she got really big after I done reminded her to save them papers. And that picture o' Mister Washin'ton. I done talked plenty 'bout it. I reckon I should 'least say what done happened that night.
Miz Madison was holdin' another one of her dinner parties. Everythin' had been set out acordin' to her d'rections. All them silver plates polished 'til they shined, and all them utensils for one plate set out (never understood why them white folk needed more'n one set). I was in her room, doin' her hair up in them curls she loves so much. I forced my eyes to stay open as mah hands kept doin' them curls over and over. There was a knockin' at the door just as mah eyes were droopin' shut.
"Get the door." She'd told mah.
"Yes'm." I said back sleep'ly. I opened the door, and saw one of 'em big guards that they got posted all the time. I stepped back quickly and he pretty much ran in.
"Mrs. Madison."
"Yes, what is it?"
"News came from one of the look outs. The redcoats are on their way. They say that they are planning on burning the house down." Miz Madison looked at 'im with big eyes.
"Surely our guards can hold them back?" She cried.
"They are all gone ma'am."
"Gone?"
"They ran off when they heard." He spat angrily. "I think it would best for you to do the same."
"Of course. I'll leave immedeatly." She looked at me. "Fill my trunk with my things."
"Yes'm." I said, runnin' over to her wardrobe. I opened the big doors and pulled out her dresses.
"Careful with those!" She yelled at me.
"Yes'm." I slowed down a bit, pullin' 'em out real careful-like. When I got them inta the trunk, she had me and the big guard carry it wit' us. When we were passin' Mr. Madison's office, I thought about all them 'portant papers. I stopped and turned to Miz Madison.
"What is it? Why did you stop?" She asked, real angry soundin'. I bit mah lip, and talk'd quick.
"Them 'portant papers the Mister President has. If them redcoats burn the house, won't them papers be burned too?" She looked me over for a secon' or two then sighed.
"I suppose. Go get them, both of you." Me an' the big'un wen' into Mister Madison's office- somewhere I ne'er though' I'd get into- and begun collectin' them papers. I s'pect he knew 'bout as much 'bout which papers were 'portant as I did. We ended up grabbin' all o' them in there and puttin' 'em in the chest. As we was leavin', I noticed that picture o' Mister Washin'ton. When we got them papers in the chest I ran back in to grab that picture.
"Where are you going?" Miz Madison screamed at me.
"I gotta grab tha' picture o' Mister Washin'ton!" The big'un followed me in, and helped me get it down an' outta its frame. We rolled it up even more careful- like than Miz Madison's dresses and went out to the trunk. The big'un sounded like 'e was gonna pass out when 'e saw tha' Miz Madison was gone.
"Mrs. Madison! First lady!" He yelled, runnin' away ta look for 'er. Righ' 'fore 'e did he stopped an' looked at me. "Get those papers away from her before the redcoats come. I'll find Mrs. Madison." He ran off 'fore I had a chance to answer. I put the picture of Mister Washin'ton in the trunk and started pullin' it with all my strength. When I couldn' do it, I threw the lid open an' pulled Miz Madison's dresses out. She didn' need 'em. She was Mister Madison's wife, he'd jus' buy her more. Besides, what I figured was tha' she ran. A coward didn' deserve no fancy clothes.
With the trunk bein' alot lighter, I could pull it eas'ly. As I was gettin' outside, I saw Miz Madison makin' her way to the gates. I called for her an' she walked over to me. She tol' me to follow her, an' I listened. Thinkin' back now, I don' know why I listened. I coulda been the hero they would talk about the next few weeks. Instead, I drug the crate, walkin' behind her like a good dog. When we finally found a place to sleep, the family let us hide the crate. Tha' was the night I ran. I made it too. Mister Madison ne'er found me.
The news caugh' up to me while I was findin' work elsewhere. Mah frien' told me how she overheard the boss talkin' to a freind about Miz Madison savin' all them papers. I was mad, but I kept quiet. I had no need to attract attention to mahself. I settled into life at mah new job quickly. They ne'er found me, but for a lot o' weeks I had to hear about Miz Madison's heroics. I learn' to ignore it by goin' into other rooms. The news passed an' everythin' went back to normal. I had learned mah lesson. If you're gonna run away, don' forget those legal docments. They migh' make you famous.


So..... yeah. Review!
Last edited by Ladynagrom on Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:56 am, edited 2 times in total.
"I take a long time in the bathroom. It's what girls do. Excuse me for my gender." - Me to my brother
  





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144 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 11482
Reviews: 144
Wed Jan 26, 2011 12:52 pm
GoldenQuill says...



Great job! Only a few complaints. :}

She was Mister Madison's wife, he'd jus' buy her more.

Mr. Washington?

My frein' told me how she overheard the boss talkin' to a freind about Miz Madison savin' all them papers. I was mad, but I kept quiet.


Friend. :}


Great job! I didn't find this very racist! It was great! Good luck on your report!

Love & Blessings,
Aushy
formerly ZlyWilk

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Sun Jan 30, 2011 10:51 pm
NinjaCookieMonster says...



First of all, I found this really great. I like reading in voice. I didn't find it racist, either. (I've watched enough TV to know that slaves in the colonies weren't prim and proper, smooth talkers. I mean, I'm white and fully modern and I still mess up my words.)

But, because I want you to get better, some notes.

When you go into dialogue, make sure you don't capitalize the letter after the closing quotation. "Blah, blabbity-blah blah blah," she said. Not 'She said.' Unless the person is doing something ("Blabbity blah blah blah." She paused.) then the letter should be lowercase.

And a note on spacing. I only do this because spacing is a pet peeve of mine. A good goal, I think, is to get at least one line between paragraphs or dialogue. It's easier to read that way.

Also, there were a few spots where I noticed you forgot to do the voicing- a my instead of mah or such. I'm not going to grill you for it, because it's a habit thing. It's as common as dotting your i's and crossing your t's, really, so if you got in the zone, I don't guess you'd be thinking carefully through each word. I don't, for sure.

I hope you get a good grade on this! Hope this review helped.

-Ninj!
hey, Jude, don't make it bad
take a sad song and make it better
remember to let it into your heart
then you can start
to make it better.

~make books, not war~

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Sun Jan 30, 2011 10:55 pm
SporkPunk says...



Hey there! Review time!

Well, Quillie got the majority of the errors.

I really liked this, and didn't find it racist at all. You're simply showing a dialect of the language, and it really adds to the story, making the character feel real. It was a really interesting interpretation of the burning of the White House. Good job and good luck on your work!

Sporky
Grasped by the throat, grasped by the throat. That's how I feel about love. That it's not worth it.

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