Young Writers Society

Hello! I am new to this forum and somewhat new at writing poetry. Some people don't really like poetry because they don't really understand the meaning of it. And well, truthfully I was sort of like that too. But then, I have been taking more interest in them as of lately. So I'm still learning. :]

Okay, so I've written a sonnet based on the Shakespearean Sonnets And since I've included some conceits, I'll give a quick summary/back round info. This is about an aspect of friendship. One between a good friend of mine and I. I've regretted not acting upon a dire situation she was in a year ago and instead, I chose to ignore it because of my fears. So I had an inner conflict on whether to swallow those fears and face reality or not. And finally, after so long I did act on it. Now I renew my friendship between us and this time it will transcend even time. (With faith hopefully haha)

Since I am very new to actually writing any poetry, it might be bad. I don't know, haven't really shown it to anyone yet. Please help me with a title. Any critique would be nice. Good or bad or something in between would be good since I might revise later. If you have any questions about it, I'll try to answer it. See if you can decipher my metaphors. I want to know how well or bad it turns out to be. I am afterall trying to increase my experience and interest in poetry. :]

So here's my sonnet, please enjoy:

Upon my love for you comes a regret.
One step after the other always truss…
Unknowingly pretending to forget.
Living in fake gardens. No snakes, just us.

Thoughts of Christ’s crimson tears plaguing my mind.
Wishing horrid scars weren’t so boundless.
Brewing storms within souls is what I find.
Torn between mirror’s illness and rightness.

Finally winter transforms into spring.
Now oceans lull softly, rainbows ascend.
To your sun’s embrace I will always cling.
True gardens will come, on faith I depend.

Emerging in sunflower fields we run.
Endless rows of flowers and sand won.

Sorry, but I can hardly come up with titles for my own stuff. I am itching to critique this...and I will, if you post it in one of the other poetry forums (if not 'other' then I think it would work best in 'narrative', but 'other' is always good if you're not sure ) and do a couple of reviews (I'm SURE you've heard this already, but it's just to ensure that everyone gets some critiques).

Please do, because I really want to review this sonnet... and welcome to the world of poetry. It's amazing. Seriously.

Hmmm....How about the name "Us"?

OK, about a name. The name for that sonnet should be YOUR OWN name. I'm not saying there is anything wrong at all in asking for help. Here is a tip;

Look at your poetry, in between the lines, and look at what is really there. Whoa, that's a good sentence I just said! I might use that for one of my poems

Anyway, sorry I got off subject. Look at your poetry, in between the lines, and look at what is really there. Think of your feelings, and of your inspirations when you wrote it. If you do these things, I'm sure you will come up with something great!

(or if you thought that YOUR OWN name, meant your actual name, then go ahead and name it after you if you want! It's an idea!)

Wow, April, great advice, I epically fail at naming my poetry too, I might use that advice myself

Also, I do very much agree that the title should come from you yourself, that makes it more natural and connected to you...

Or, as I sometimes do when in a rush is just pick a phrase out of them poem that's meaningful to the whole poem and use that as a title.

I hope that helps you somewhat.
-Ryan



P.S. The poem wasn't that bad, I liked it.