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Fri Mar 01, 2013 2:23 am
gtitcomb says...



Here is a poem I wrote for my English class, let me know what you think!

Change

That moment when you open the front door,
and you take a step down onto the porch
and it creaks a little with its old aged wood.
That moment when your skin grows goosebumps
as you react to the change in temperature
but then the sun finds its way to you and
warms you up with its bright rays.
That moment when your lungs take in a
whole new air, one they’re not used to.
They've been burdened with the icy cold winter air
and they have longed for this kind of warmth.
The air is crisp, refreshing and your body silently thanks you.
That moment when you step off the stairs and onto the earth.
Your shoes squeak into the moistened ground, which still
holds the memories of the frosty winter.
That moment when you’re walking to your black mailbox
And don’t have to avoid the ice patches any longer.
You move along, slowly, enjoying this new change.
As you approach the mailbox you take another deep breath
and momentarily look up to the clear, bright blue sky.
That moment when you open the mailbox just to realize
it’s a Sunday, and there was never any mail to begin with.





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Fri Mar 01, 2013 10:45 pm
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niteowl says...



Hi gtitcomb and welcome to YWS!

This is a lovely piece, but you're not going to get many reviews in this forum. This is for discussions and tips about poetry. To post this, click on "Submit" on the top bar and put in your work there. There everyone will be able to see and comment on it!

Welcome again and I hope you stick around. This is a great place to improve your writing and you definitely have potential! :)
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci

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