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Young Writers Society


Fate Calling



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Gender: None specified
Points: 1090
Reviews: 30
Mon Jan 19, 2009 2:29 am
happybear says...



you still have a few slip ups in grammar and spelling they were so small and there are quite a few of them so I am not going to copy past all of them .. but just skim through it a few times and you'll catch them =) I really liked this story your were really able to piece it niecely together from what your derived from the twighlight series. I could picture it all very well. Good job!
  





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28 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1121
Reviews: 28
Sun May 24, 2009 5:32 pm
mandeyy says...



T'is was adorable.
I loved it.
I was always a fan of Alice and Jasper over Bella and Edward.

Let me tell you something about love. Love isn’t something that is cultivated over time like some kind of common flower. No, it is a rare flower that is either there in the beginning to not there at all. It is something you feel immediately, though many times it is a feeling that is disguised as something else of repressed. But when you feel love for someone, when you first look at that person, it just clicks. And that was how it felt between Jasper and I. We didn’t even know each other but we loved each other nevertheless because that rare flower was present in our lives. We didn’t have to know each other for love to be there because it had been there, waiting to emerge, for our entire lives.

This is one of the most beautiful quotes I have ever heard. (:
i sleep under yer bed .
  





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22 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1459
Reviews: 22
Mon May 25, 2009 4:19 pm
AliceRose says...



Okay, it was written well. I couldn't find too many grammatical errors, or spelling either, but I just didn't think that it was that great.

You just went so quickly with it. You jumped around a lot, almost making me wonder, "Wait, what happened?"

I like the Twilight books and I really like Alice's character. From everything that I've read, I don't think that she would declare her love for Jasper so quickly, you know what I mean? I also didn't think that Jasper would be so out going.
We're all a bit mad...
  





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10 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 10
Mon Jun 01, 2009 2:26 am
chenka says...



I agree with everyone here.
I found little mistakes, but those I did find everyone else found as well.
A few of the lines were corny, like others said, but I think what Alice and Jasper have ties perfectly into any corny thing anyone can think of.
Your descriptions were very good.

The beating heart thing definitely needs to get changed. Vampyres do not have their hearts beating. Blood doesn't need to be pumping through the body. Hence the cold and paleness of their skin. =3

Otherwise very nice story of them. Loved it.
Keep Writing.

-Chenka.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1040
Reviews: 1
Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:48 pm
cheer4life says...



OMG! this was amazing!!! i am a total twilight freak and my favorite character is Alice. i was waiting for someone to right what happened when they met. you should write a story about their adventures leading up to when they meet the cullens! i loved it !
~Her love is like the wind, you can't sse it.... but you can feel it~
  





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11 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 11
Thu Jul 02, 2009 1:52 pm
alileah. says...



This was a really good and cute and romantic story.(:
The descriptions and imagery are great.
Just a few mistakes though:

The vampire don't have heartbeats, so Alice's heart cannot pound.

And Jasper's eyes cannot be tawny, since he still feeds on humans. Tawny eyes come from feeding off animals.

There were also a few spelling mistakes.

But, I love it!

-Aly.
  








When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
— Walter Lippmann