Author's Note: Okay, so when I wrote the first version of this story I was, like, twelve or something, so that’s definitely not what you’re reading here. What you are reading is a sort of remake of that old story, inspired by how poorly written and badly dialogue…ed it was. In true Pokémon fashion, I have more or less kept the bad dialogue, since it’s to be expected anyway. Besides, these kids are like ten.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Pokémon, obviously, so Ash, Misty, and all those other stupid characters are copyrighted and stuff of their prospective owners. The cool characters and pure, untamed brilliance belongs to me, though. Oh, and the plot and story belongs to me, too. And Slash… belongs to all the little children who wanted to be programmed into Pokémon when they were little, too.
Also, the events in this fanfiction have pretty much no continuity with the actual show itself. So if you’re trying to find the continuity, then you’re wasting your time.
Chapter 1
“Ash, this is all your fault!” Misty cried out in obligatory accusation. Ash twitched, responding angrily despite the obvious uselessness of arguing with the self-possessed redhead.
“Oh, like you could do any better!” Ash recited. Oh yeah, he thought smugly, that’ll sure teach her to mess with me! It didn’t.
“Yeah, I probably could!” Misty said. Of course, that’s probably not true, thought she, but I’m not about to admit it in front of the boy of my dreams who I will also never admit to be such. Wow, I think with strange words…
“Well,” Ash stuttered for a response, having already used his one comeback, “what is all my fault again?” Misty sighed, laughing inwardly at Ash’s adorable cluelessness. This being the perfect lead into the premise of the story, I’ll narrate the rest of this redundant conversation.
Ash and Misty had found themselves on their way to the Pokémon League (no one knows how they got on the way, they just found themselves there), and are now predictably lost on Victory Road. I mean—it’s no big surprise; Victory Road’s a freakin’ maze in some dungeon-like cave. It’s really not so much of a road as it is a labyrinth. And the Final Four wonder why the League never sells many tickets for spectators…
So Ash and Misty—oh, and the obligatory third party member, I think it’s Tracey right now—are lost in some friggin’ cave on the way to the Pokémon League Championships, in which for some reason Misty won’t be participating, and Ash is taking all the blame for it. I mean, it is his fault, seeing as he tore up the map that Professor Oak gave them—he had spent years to create it, but that’s just dramatic irony that is in a level far above Ash’s big head—but the point is, Ash and Misty aren’t getting along, and Tracey is probably off drawing rocks. Meanwhile, someone is missing…
“Pikachu!” Ash exclaimed, scaring the red out of Misty’s hair and the graphite out of Tracey’s drawing pencil (“It’s okay, I have like fifty more in my back pack,”), “is missing,” Ash continued, making sure that his outcry was undeniably labeled with a reason.
“Yeah, thanks a lot for that, Ash,” Misty shivered as her hair regained it’s color, having made the same comment about an hour earlier. Then, suddenly, villainous music played out of the convenient Team Rocket® speakers located just out of sight, and two regrettably familiar voices pierced the short length of silence that they had been waiting behind a local rock for for the last twenty minutes. It’s not like they have much else to do beside time their entrances right…
“Prepare for trouble!” said Jesse, her unnaturally brick-red hair slowly emerging from behind the rock (it was a black velvet curtain in her mind).
“And make it double!” James added dramatically, emerging from the same rock (which to him appeared to be a patch of tall daisies, to which he was allergic).
“To protect the world from devastation!”
“To—AAAAAACHOOO!!!” James excavated his nose all over Tracey’s drawing of a stalactite.
“Yeah, guys, that’s a good place to stop,” Misty stated, overwhelmingly bored with the whole introduction.
“But—sniffle—Meowth hasn’t said his one line of dialogue yet!” James replied indignantly. Then he looked around and made a statement similar to Ash’s startling discovery.
“Pikachu’s gone!” he cried in disbelief. I had to stand in that patch of daisies all that time for nothing!
“What?” Jesse looked around, suddenly realizing they were standing on a rock rather than center stage. “What did you twerps do with him!”
“Wow, ‘twerps’?” Misty mocked, “how original.”
“Shut up, you, you… TWERP!” Jesse shouted, flaunting her redder-than-Misty’s hair.
“Now that you mention it, we really should come up with a better insult,” James observed.
“Oh, shut up,” Jesse said as she walked away, losing her fire as she realized that Pikachu was missing. “Let’s go find Meowth, James.” And they walked away unharmed, since Pikachu was the only Pokémon that Ash would use against them. In the distance, Misty heard James saying something about Meowth quitting for not having enough lines (Ash didn’t hear it because he’s stupid).
“Well,” Misty sighed, “Now that that’s over, we should try to find Pikachu.” She turned to walk away, but Tracy stopped her.
“Oh, Pikachu? He’s right here,” he said, as if stating some obvious fact.
“Pikachu!” Ash cried, running towards his furry little friend, “where have you been?” He hugged Pikachu, who sighed and said something that sounded an awful lot like, “Pika-pi! Chu!” Then he started speaking in Pokelanguage.
“I was taking a whiz, Ash, no big deal.”
“What’s that, Pikachu?” Ash held Pikachu out at arms’ length as if he were some 5-year-old girl’s stuffed bear, “You were lost? That’s so sad!”
“Well, no, that’s not at all what I said,” Pikachu replied, “but, eh, close enough I guess.” And so Ash and the gang continued on their journey, having learned a valuable new lesson about Victory Road. The End.
Just kidding, there’s actually more to the story than that, although any normal episode of Pokémon would have probably ended right about there. So anyway, the three kids and Pikachu, and Togepi who has suddenly been added to the cast as an active character, continued through Victory Road, following the signs and skeletons of those who had passed through before on their path to victory. Or death, in the case of the skeletons. They had do make waiver forms at the front of Victory Road because of those careless deaths.
Several minutes later, our heroes emerged from the mouth of an especially small tunnel into what was clearly the last room of Victory Road, considering the opening ahead of them read “Pokémon League Pokémon Center” in large, redundant lettering. Unfortunately, the last room was also the most dramatic room for Ash and the others to be stopped by another opponent, so soon enough there were two idiots reciting some anthem they had created in their spare time.
“…To unite all peoples within our nation,” James quoted.
“Wait, what?” Jesse said, about to begin the theme.
“Well,” James replied, “I figured we’d start where we left off, y’know…”
“Oh, forget it,” Jesse said, “We’re here to attempt to capture Pikachu; you know the drill.”
“Meowth, that’s right!” Meowth popped up from behind a rock, “And we’re going to steal him using this electricity-proof… thingy…” he sighed, realizing that his explanation was quite obvious by now. “Quick, into the Meowth-based robot!” Jesse, James, and Meowth jumped backward, and a giant Meowth head with a drill for a tongue emerged from the ground. Soon, Pikachu was caught in an obvious nonconductor, but tried to electrocute his way out anyway.
Ash was about to send out another Pokémon to save Pikachu so that Pikachu could take care of Team Rocket, but another voice cut spoke first.
“Gosh, this is getting annoying! Bulba, take care of those dorks!” Seconds later, a flurry of leaves cut the robot into shreds, leaving Team Rocket mysteriously unharmed as they “blasted off” (again) into their own hole. Ash stared at the hole, then looked up as another boy walked toward it.
“Hey, that was my job!” Ash yelled at the hero, who twitched in surprise, “I always get to defeat Team Rocket!”
“Dude,” said the other boy, “I just, like, saved you from Team Rocket. Although that’s not saying much—those two are retarded.” Misty nodded in agreement, while Ash just shrugged.
“Well, as long as you let me defeat them next time—I’m not too important without them to defeat, at least.” Misty nodded in agreement.
“So,” said, the boy, stepping into the light so that Ash, Misty, and that other guy could see him. He looked about Ash’s age and height, with short, spiky blond hair and bright blue eyes. He was wearing a black blazer with silver buttons and a green t-shirt saying “Pikachu and DIE!!!” and long, baggy tan cargo pants. His shoes were apparently unimportant. He scratched his head and continued to speak.
“So… what was I saying again?” he blinked, “That long description totally threw me off. Oh yeah—” Ash and Misty exchanged strange looks—or rather, Misty exchanged a strange look, while Ash just looked strange, wondering what they were exchanging looks for—and the boy continued, “My name is Slash.” Ash recognized the name, then realized it sounded like his and that was it. Misty smiled and extended a hand in greeting.
“I’m Misty,” she said as he shook it, “and this is Ash, and this is Pikachu, and that’s… um… oh yeah! That’s Tracey.” Hearing his name, Tracey looked up from his drawing of Team Rocket’s hole and realized that Slash was there.
“Who are you?” Tracey asked, acting more like Ash than usual. Pikachu slapped him.
“So hey,” Slash let go of Misty’s hand, wondering why they had been shaking hands for so long, “Are you guys going to the Pokémon League Championships, too?” Ash suddenly perked up, hearing words that he understood, for once.
“Yeah!” He jumped forward, knocking Misty to the side, “I’m gonna be the next Pokémon Master!!!” Slash raised an eyebrow as Ash stood in his signature, two-fingered “Victory!” pose.
“A-anyway…” Slash replied, looking to Misty in order to avoid the flame in Ash’s eyes, “Do you want to come with me? I mean, there’s not much further to go, but it’s the thought that counts, right?” Misty nodded quickly, and Tracey shrugged, standing up and following the rest of the group as they walked with Slash into the Pokémon Center. Ash trailed behind the group, reflecting on how awesome he thought he was.
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"Togepi's gone!" Misty exclaimed several minutes later as Ash and Slash retrieved their fully healed Pokémon and began planning their final team for the championship. Tracey looked up from his drawing of a badly burned Jigglypuff, then decided he didn't care and continued drawing. Ash shrugged and continued planning. Slash looked at the two uncaring figures and then to Misty, who seemed to be waiting for someone to comment on her discovery before doing anything else.
"Uh, guys?" Ash and Tracey looked up as Slash turned back to them, "Don't you, like, care that Misty's lost her Pokémon?" Tracey shrugged, then Ash spoke.
"Yeah, well Misty loses Togepi all the time; I guess I'm just kinda desensitized to it now." Tracey nodded in agreement. Misty scowled. Pikachu chewed his food. Ash blinked. Slash dropped his forehead into his palm and shook his head in wonder.
"Alright, then," he said, looking up, "I'll help you find Togepi, Misty." He stood up, still shaking his head, and walked out back into Victory Road. Misty quickly followed. "Let's make this quick," Slash said as Misty caught up, "the battles start in an hour and I still need to trade out some of my Pokémon."
"She couldn't have gone too far," Misty replied, looking around, "she's probably in this-OH CRAP!" Slash looked over just in time to see Misty's shoe clear the mouth of the hole Team Rocket had created earlier.
"Y'know," said Slash, "In hindsight it would have been a good idea to fill that hole earlier. Oh well, I guess I'm just gonna have to jump..." He did. Fortunately, the hole was a smooth, rounded incline, and Slash simply slid down gently, until finally he landed on top of Misty. "Thanks for breaking my fall," he said.
"Don't mention it," Misty groaned, trying to stand up for a second time. Adjusting her ugly red suspenders and dusting off her shoulders, Misty looked around. Slash followed suit, then sighed as he saw where they were.
"Well, we're back at the entrance to Victory Road," he observed.
"It's like a game of Chutes and Ladders!" Misty replied. Slash glanced at her.
"What are you, five?" he asked. Misty grunted, making a face.
"I'm eleven and a half, thank you very much!" she retorted smartly. Slash laughed inwardly.
"Well," he said, "if we're lucky, Togepi took the same tumble you did." He smirked at Misty, "Maybe your little trip was actually a stroke of genius instead of stupidity." Touché, thought Misty.
"Shut up!" she retorted quickly. Then, cutting off Slash's next remark, she turned to look for Togepi. Slash glanced around then turned back to look at the hole they came out of.
"Y'know, I bet we could fly back up that," he observed.
"What about Togepi?" Misty growled. Slash chuckled.
"What about her?" he said, "she's been in your backpack the whole time." Misty deflated. Togepi chirped out of the bag as if laughing at Misty. Slash was laughing at Misty. Misty hugged Togepi, alternatively fuming at Slash and smiling at her Pokémon.
"So why did you come to help me if she wasn't really gone?" Misty asked. Slash ignored her, grabbing a pokeball from inside his blazer. Tossing it casually to the ground, he turned and smirked again. Misty gasped. The Pokémon that emerged was a huge bird, feathers made of red-gold flames, which blinked as it observed the girl.
"Meet Flammie, the Moltres," said Slash, chuckling at the stolen nickname and at Misty's blank stare.
"You caught a Moltres?" she squeaked, dropping Togepi. The little egg Pokémon chirped as it landed on a conveniently-sloped rock and softly rolled to the ground.
"Go ahead, you can touch it," Slash urged, grinning widely at Misty's incredulity. Misty nodded absently, and raised her fingers to stroke the hot feathers. Then Slash grabbed her about the waist and tossed her onto the bird.
"I think he'll let ya ride it now!" he said as he grabbed Togepi and hopped on behind Misty. "Up that tunnel, Flammie!" he shouted, and within seconds they were back at the end of Victory Road. Slash returned Flammie, dropping a stunned Misty to the ground as her seat disappeared. She blinked, then followed Slash as he returned to the Pokémon Center.
"Now that was a pretty retarded trip..." she said.
But why is pikachu the only pokémon who can handle them?
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