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Maria's Last Wish



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Sun Sep 30, 2007 6:01 pm
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cheeb says...



I guess this isn't technically a fanfic, as the events described here are those that actually happened in the games Sonic Adventure 2 and Shadow the Hedgehog, but... meh.

====
Dashing through corridors of reinforced steel, the two renegades made their way towards their last means of escape.

"Hurry!" one cried. The teenage human was clearly terrified. Her partner, a black hedgehog, showed a calm exterior but, underneath, he was just as concerned - for his friend's sake more than his own.

Had the two not been holding hands, the girl would never have been able to keep up, for the hedgehog was incredibly quick on his feet. This was mostly due to the shoes he wore which expelled jets of flame from their soles and thus allowed the wearer to skate along the air inches above the ground. It hadn't been until today that he truly appreciated the decision made by Professor Gerald to give him the special footwear.

A roar was heard from deep within the centre of the space station they were making their way through.
"The Biolizard!" the girl shrieked. "Do you think...?"
"It hasn't escaped," the hedgehog replied, as if he knew what the girl would say. "They've locked it down... it'll be cryogenically frozen in a few moments."
"But... Grandpa! He was in there with the Biolizard!"

The hedgehog almost skidded to a halt. If this was true, then the professor had already been captured and arrested. But his companion - no, he had to get her to safety. He resumed his running, with the girl stumbling behind. The sound of boots behind them grew louder and faster.

A very welcome sight greeted the duo as they entered the room that contained the escape capsules. Their last chance of freedom was but a few metres away. Without hesitation, the hedgehog began pushing the girl toward the nearest capsule.

"What are you doing?" the girl shouted. "No! You go first, you've got to get away! I'll follow!"
The hedgehog didn't reply, nor did he stop pushing. Her life was more important than his.

Before they reached the capsule, the footsteps behind them ceased. Their hunters had caught up with them. A group of soldiers stood in the large doorway, each sporting the initials
G.U.N. on his chest. The leader pointed to the hedgehog.
"That's him!" he shouted. "Shoot to kill, men!"

The girl took advantage of this diversion. She pulled the hedgehog from behind her, pushed him into the long glass tube and, hitting a button on the nearby control panel, sealed him inside. The hedgehog, too shocked even to speak, slammed his hands onto the glass and stared, his mouth wide open in horror.

"Hey!" one of the soldiers shouted. Before anyone could react, he raised his gun and fired.

It seemed to the captive hedgehog that the bullet was moving slowly, ever so slowly, until it reached its target. The girl's hands flew to her stomach, where a red patch was rapidly forming. The hedgehog slammed his fists against the glass, his eyes redder than ever with wrath. The soldier had dropped his gun, a horrified look on his face, and his colleagues looked too shocked to react.

"Shadow..."
The girl's breathing was growing shallow.
"... please... do something for me..."
The hedgehog looked down at the girl, horrified.
"Shadow..."

With all that was left of her energy, she slammed another button on the control panel, sending Shadow the Hedgehog and his capsule hurtling through space towards a blue-green planet below.
"No!" the soldiers' leader yelled.

"Maria..." Shadow said to himself in a deceptively calm voice, fully aware that nobody else could hear him, "I promise you - revenge."



Nearly fifty years later, Shadow stood in that very room once again, watching the Earth move ever closer toward Space Colony ARK. The humans down there would suffer for Maria's death and he himself could die happily with this knowledge. The other hedgehog, the blue one, thought he could prevent it... thought he was somebody special...

Why does he look so much like me? Shadow wondered, And why is he so obsessed with protecting those inferior beings? His thoughts drifted from the blue hedgehog to his friends, who were just as eager to save the Earth - surely the humans weren't worth the trouble? He remembered the doctor, Gerald's grandson, and dismissed the thought - Eggman knew little more than vanity and greed.

This train of thought was derailed by the opening of the room's automatic doors. As Shadow turned, he spotted the cause: another hedgehog, this one with pink quills, rushed toward him. He held out his hand in defense, but the hedgehog merely dropped to the ground in front of him.

"Shadow! Can't you do something?"
Shadow frowned and turned away. "There is nothing that can be done. What's going to happen is inevitable."
"That's not true! You're our last hope! Won't you help us?"
Something was stirring within Shadow, something he was struggling to ignore.
"Please, Shadow... bring hope to humanity!"


Bring hope to humanity.

Maria's final words were "bring hope to humanity".

Lying there in a pool of blood, her death brought on by a human soldier, even then, she harboured no prejudice toward him, or to the rest of the soldiers. All she wanted was to give the world a chance... to protect the planet and the people she loved so much...



Amy Rose was crying already; all was lost. Shadow would not help her, the Earth and everyone aboard the ARK was doomed, and she would never see Sonic or any of her friends again...
As she sobbed, she heard footsteps coming closer, and looked up in fear. Shadow stood menacingly before her.

"Where's Sonic?" he asked. Before she could answer, he held up a hand and shut his eyes for a second.
The Biolizard's chamber, he told himself, opening them again. Without another word, he rushed out of the room.

Hope... Perhaps it wasn't too late to fulfil Maria's last wish...
Last edited by cheeb on Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Thu Oct 04, 2007 12:14 am
JabberHut says...



Wow, you didn't get any crits on this? You mean, I'm the first one?? Woot! *feels special*

Dashing through corridors of reinforced steel, the two renegades made their way towards their last means of escape.


This is pretty simply stated...like a comic would say. :wink: Maybe they're out of breath? Their legs are like lead from running? etc.

Her partner, a black hedgehog, showed a calm exterior, but underneath he was just as concerned, for his friend's sake more than his own.


Ha! I feel smart! I know who the hedgehog is! lol, anyway...I would put the bolded word in commas since it's added information, if that makes sense. XD *tries to explain some more* You can still take that word out and it would make sense. If you want "underneath" in there, probably put it in commas.

Also, the italicized word...the comma should probably be the dash ( - ) just so it doesn't seem like a run-on sentence, I guess. ^^'

This was mostly due to the shoes he wore, which expelled jets of flame from their soles and thus


No comma needed if the word 'which' is used.

initials "G.U.N." on his chest


Instead of quotes, put the word in italics. Wait, this whole section is italicized, isn't it? Well then, put this part in normal font. like this (it's hard to explain, and you probably don't need the explanation. XD)

...initials G.U.N. on his chest...

Hopefully it makes sense now. Do this only because the quotation marks are used for, well, quotes said by the characters. No one read this aloud, right? :oops:

Before anyone could react he raised his gun and fired.


I think this is usually an optional thing to do, but I do it since it makes reading it easier (to me, anyway). Put a comma after 'react' since they're two phrases.

The hedgehog looked down at the girl in disbelief.


Why? 'Cause she was speaking? Or did the girl say something that you didn't tell us for a certain reason? If the latter is so, say that "Shadow stared in disbelief at her request" then you don't even have to tell the reader what the girl actually said. If the former, well...say so. :lol:

He held out his hand to defend,


I think "in defense" would sound better.


Wow, nice ending. Gave me goosebumps. But, then again, I like Sonic. ^^

I guess this isn't technically a fanfic, as the events described here are those that actually happened in the games Sonic Adventure 2 and Shadow the Hedgehog, but... meh.


Eh, it's good practice for writing anyway. ^^

Not much to say. It was very good. My main nitpicks were format. XP The story itself was written very well, set at a good pace. I think you did pretty well introducing your characters like Maria, Shadow (of course), even Sonic and Sonic didn't even show up yet. A good job well done. ^^

The English spelling thew me off. XD Stupid Americans have to spell differently, lol.

Good stuff! Keep writing! (I obviously don't play Sonic anymore, 'cause I was really interested in this)

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Fri Feb 22, 2008 2:58 pm
PenguinAttack says...



Eee, this was really good, Molly. ^^

I liked the flow and the description, it moved at a steady, appropriate pace and kept within a linear outline. I couldn't sotp reading once I had started. Click went through all the technical details for you, but I really did enjoy this. Much more than my usual Fanfiction opinons will allow. xD

You gave the characters emotion and depth and I understood what was going on, you fleshed out the scene, actions and characterisation well, allowing the responder to become attached with the characters and situation. To feel for your story.

Nice work. ^^

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Wed Jul 07, 2010 11:19 pm
deltadalek says...



A really good read! You brought new light to the story, and I couldn't really find anything that disrupts that flow mentioned in the previous post. The way you described it made it a LOT more vivid.
This is the only Sonic fanfic that I have found!
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