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Young Writers Society


Super Boy



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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 125
Sun Sep 30, 2007 10:32 pm
SASSYLADY333 says...



Super Boy


Prologue

In the city of Metropolis it was barely dawn, and no one was sleeping nor just waking. And if you didn't know why, the sun did as it slowly peeked over the ocean and shined upon the toppling sky scrapers. The streets of the city were covered in rumble and fire. Most building were gutted or crumbled until they reached the ground leaving dust to rise and fill the air. It was smoky enough leaving kisses of soot on the civilians exhausted faces. If you were there you could hear the sound of alarms, explosions and constant screams. A disaster indeed, despite all of this the people of the city were filled with gratitude. Even though so many were dead, homes, businesses gone, all they cared about was their hero. Their hero who stopped an atomic bomb from ending their entire existence.

It was Superman, their golden hero of many years left in a hospital. He was in a life threatening condition from saving the city from the villains they hoped would not emerge again in future. Superman had nearly lost in the battle of all good verses evil. And unknown to the civilians of Metropolis Superman had a weakness, that same weakness that left him on his death bed that day. Two weeks after Superman had saved the city, Lois Lane and her son Jason visited Superman.

Lois and Jason walked down Mall Avenue pushing past thousands of other people come out to support Superman. Until finally they reached the hospital doors, and once Lois explained who she was the police let her through. The hospital’s halls were white and the mood seemed emotionless. But as their escort let them pass the emergency room they both saw hundreds of people. Some of them kept yelling, others crying, and the rest being rushed into surgery. Lois cringed when she saw this spectacle and covered Jason’s eyes as he wondered what was going on. After that their walk with the escort seemed forever as they passed ten security lines. Until finally the escort smiled and opened the door to Superman’s room. Lois and Jason walked in while the escort slowly shut the door and left them alone.

There seemed to be a tremendous amount of time that Lois stood in the corner of the room holding onto to her son. The room had white walls, to the left there was a table with flowers, and a window with a great view of the ocean as a breeze pasted through it. On the right side of the room there laid Superman looking mostly out of place, with a beeping machine beside him.

Lois had many thoughts in these moments. She thought about how she loved Superman five years before and how he had left her in search of his home planet without even a good-bye. Lois had to remember the pain and emptiness she felt. After he left all she had left was her job. Nothing hurt worse than having no more stories on Superman. Her co-workers at The Daily Planet could mostly sense her resentment after she wrote her award winning prose called “Why The World Doesn’t Need Superman.” And then as the pain hid its self and she convinced herself to be happy she had a life again. She had her amazing son Jason, and then his father Richard; her fiancée.

That was until Superman came back, which Lois was both shocked yet more than happy about. Then some how in the events for fight of man kind, Lois could no longer deny that she did and would always love Superman. Not only was it complicated but completely unfair to Richard who Lois had kept a terrible secret from. That same secret Lois came to the hospital to revel, it was time Superman know about his son. Jason had already known with out his mother telling him, because it was obvious when he discovered his powers who his father was. And for five years old he was quite bright but he was anxious to talk to Superman.

Finally Lois took a deep breath and lead her son over to the bed. Superman slept serenely the rise and fall of his chest in constant continuation. He seemed to sense them next to him and his eyes opened and in that instant he smiled.
'
After that very visit Superman recovered and vanished as the sun was left glistening on the ocean…

Meanwhile in the White House a special team from the CIA looked over the important document about the one and only weakness of Superman. It was agreed that the files be kept in a secret safe place where only three members of the team could know of its whereabouts. These were three of the most trusted men in the CIA, the project was so top secret that even the commander-in-chief was unaware and the secret was never discovered. A year later all of the secret document was destroyed by orders of the secretary of defense. And for one specialist trusted with the secret, that was just fine, in fact it was perfect. All he had to do was have patience, and in the future nothing could stop him.


Chapter One

Twelve years later in a school cafeteria in an ordinary high school students read their latest edition of Top News. It was the very back page that seemed to interest most, especially those who were friends of Fonda Gears who patiently sat eating her lunch as her friend's read.

Fonda wasn’t exactly average, first of all her had a IQ of 134, and she didn’t care what anyone thought. She was 5’5, with thick black Egyptian hair with her thin red glasses. Besides that she always wore overalls, no one knew exactly why because they were particularly out of style. But Fonda always thought they covered her nicely.

Fonda smiled as looked around the cafeteria everyone in the school was reading Top News, and Fonda was more than pleased. In fact every clique seemed to be huddled at a table to see her letter.


Letter To Bailey High's Top Readers:

'All know the name of Superman, but it is only in the last few years we know the name of Super Boy; Superman's son. Super Boy has chosen to follow in the foot steps of his father, stopping crime and hearing the cry of the innocent. It was to the world's astonishment when he restarted the family business at eleven years old. He was in deed considered the most amazing fifth grader in the world.

Now he's sixteen years old, and his great efforts are still going strong. But who is he, how does he do it? Is he like any other teenager, moody and rebellious? Can his super genes deter that? How does he stop robberies and finish all his home work on time?

The world may ask and wonder, but not me I'm a reporter. And I'll cover Super Boy with every fiber of my being. I can and I will succeed to fulfill the curiosity of our community.


This has been a letter to you, personally from Bailey High School's

Top Reporter.
Sincerely,

Fonda Gears

Catherine but down her copy of the paper in amazement, "Are you insane Fonnie?"

"Yes, but I've learned to accept it." Fonda shrugged taking a bite of her apple skin, she had a strange taste in food for a high school girl.

Daniel was a irritated as Fonda expected, "What are you going to do? Stalk Super Boy? I mean what are you going to do bribe him with a sandwich for one question?"

She nodded her head as she was well prepared for her friends valued opinions, "No, of course not. The last thing I want to do is make him feel harassed. I want him to be open with us; his peers. Show us, he has a human side. You know, give him a chance to open up to our future gangs and criminals. As good as our school is, about fifty percent will choose the bad road. If people know he's on our side, maybe he could make a difference in a whole new way. You know what I mean?"

Catherine was doing that weird thing with her eyebrows. Fonda always found it to be the border line of funny and scary because her eye lids lifted making her eyes pop out and it looked like the waking of Frankenstein , "Well, the girl does make a good point."

Jason was wiping his foggy glasses once again, 'What? Is she walking around here again in her one inch skirts that could save twenty lives in Africa? Where is Claire Dumont, that slut! '

Fonda thought about saying that but stopped herself, she was jealous of Claire Dumont because Jason had a crush on her since the second grade. Not that Jason knew that, and Fonda was sure none of her other friends knew.

"What, do you think it's a bad idea?"

Jason nodded his head, "No, no it's a good idea, and just… you know journalism can get kind of dangerous."

Her heart swelled up, at the idea of Jason having actual concern for her. Not that any one would ever know that. Fonda always held her composure and never showed people exactly how she felt.

"Well, I thought long and hard about this for a while now. We all want to know more about Super Boy. And I have to do this, I have to take risks. If it turns out to be a bad idea then I'll forget about it and respect his privacy. But you know curiosity drives me."

Just then the bell rang and before Jason had a chance to reply Fonda got up from the table and headed to class. She walked away fast, hoping her idea was a good one. Surprisingly, even Fonda Gears had doubts.

* * *

"On November 3, take note I was imprisoned in the main directors office once again. The first time this year half understandable, but now this is harassment. I mean I have classes to attend! As I am a busy journalist, attending classes when possible is very important. I mean I can't let you know who become Valedictorian. So I'll be recording this whole thing, once again with out their permission."

Fonda quickly hid her MP6 as principal Walker came in the room.

"Were you saying something Fonda?" He wasn’t exactly a big fan of Fonda’s.

Fonda laughed, "What? No, sir."

Mr. Walker sat down in his desk, and looked at her seriously. And Fonda wore her simple, innocent smile to annoy him. "Now about this months edition of Top News."

"It's fabulous right? Who knew every one was taking pottery and art over home economics?"

"Not that, the news letter!" Mr. Walker smacked his hand on his desk making his ruble of paper tip over. Fonda wasn’t surprised, he often got angry very easily.

"Oh, that, it's just a tiny little letter. Kind of like our mini adds really. I'm sure no one saw it."

Mr. Walker stood up in even more anger and began to shout, "No one saw it? It covered an entire back page!"

"Exactly who would look on the back?" Fonda shrugged and smirked.

"Everyone in this darn school is talking about it!"

She gasped , "Oh, no! are you telling me I'm a victim of gossip!" Fonda leaned toward him a look of concern on her face, "Well, Mr. Walker I'll have to do what I've always done; ignore people. I'm sure your very concerned about me, but really I'll be fine."

Mr. Walker was left in awe, his baldhead might as had been spinning around the room. Fonda got up and left the room in a hurry. Just as she walked down the hall she heard him screaming the secretary's name.

Before Fonda's laugh could even be heard the bell rang and school was over. Many of her peers were preparing to go to the pep rally so she hurried to her locker to get her back pack. She could already smell the all the treats for the bake sell, it was like they blended together to smell like heaven dripping from the sky. And she closed the locker she saw Jason standing there, waiting for her.

"Oh, uh…hi Jason." He held an odd look about his face, his blue eyes intense behind his thick black framed glasses.

"Hey, Fonda. I was wondering…"

"What?" Possibilities were spinning in her head as she double checked for note pad in her back pack.

"You know how you always get the stories and I take the pictures…" Fonda could sense where this was going, as much she liked Jason he was a wus sometimes.

"Oh, don't worry if you don't want to take pictures of Super Boy it's fine with me." Of course Fonda always liked that Jason was the photographer.

"No, no I do, I just wanted to make sure we were doing this together."

Fonda looked at him with curiosity as she began walking down the hall in a hurry like she always did, "What do you mean together?"

She always got her stories by herself; it's what Fonda called her alone time. Plus it was always an exciting rush she got finding something out that only she knew and getting home in time to write about it. Fonda had to share that now? Well, then, who other than Jason? But how could she handle that? Jason's job was to take the pictures, and pictures only; sometimes no questions asked. And surely Jason had to know Fonda was always boss.

"But, why? You know I always do research on my own. And you never seemed interested before." Fonda was about to turn down the main hall when he grabbed her arm in a strong grip that made her stop. Fonda looked him he seemed a little too serious, especially before a pep rally.

"Because it's dangerous okay? You know that I know Super Boy, and his life isn't something we can follow unscathed." She nodded thinking, 'Jason's family is extremely close to Superman's family.'

"I see what you mean, this is going to be a challenge Jason, and if you want to come along for the ride that's fine."

Jason loosened up after that, "We work together then. It's decided."

And in a midst of cheerleaders, Jason was gone the blue and green confetti left behind falling lightly on the ground. Fonda regained her composure and continued to walk down the hall. She had some sniffing to do. Where there was chaos there was a story and she was on a hunt.
Last edited by SASSYLADY333 on Wed Oct 03, 2007 3:16 am, edited 2 times in total.
  





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387 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 27175
Reviews: 387
Mon Oct 01, 2007 7:00 pm
Kylan says...



This is incredibly long. Therefore, I will only critique the prologue right now. In the furture, consider splitting your story into seperate posts and posting them a few days apart from each other.

Prologue

In the city of Metropolis it was barely dawn, and no one was sleeping nor just waking This is confusing and difficult to read. Consider improving on this first sentence. The first sentence is the most important in your entire story. It is yourt first impression and your last impression. Have it make sense, and make it gripping. And if you didn't know why 'don't know why' what? What don't they know?, the sun did as it slowly peeked over the ocean and shined upon the toppling sky scrapers. The streets of the city were covered in rumble and fire. Most buildings were gutted or crumbl[s]ed[/s]ing until they reached the ground leaving dust to rise and fill the air. It was smoky enough leaving kisses of soot on the civilians exhausted faces. try: It was smoky enough leaving kisses of soot on the faces of the exhauted civillians If you were there you could hear the sound of alarms, explosions and constant screams. A disaster indeed, and despite all of this the people of the city were filled with gratitude. Even though so many were dead, homes, businesses gone, all they cared about was their hero. Their hero who stopped an atomic bomb from ending their entire existence.

It was Superman, their golden hero of many years left in a hospital. What? This sentence doesn't make sense either. What does a hospital have to do with anything? He was in a life threatening condition from saving the city from the villains they hoped would not emerge again in future. Superman had nearly lost in the battle of all good verses evil. And unknown how about unbeknownst? to the civilians of Metropolis, Superman had a weakness, that same weakness that left him on his death bed that day. Two weeks after Superman had saved the city, Lois Lane and her son Jason visited Superman.

Lois and Jason walked down Mall Avenue pushing past thousands of other people come out to support Superman. Until finally they reached the hospital doors, and once Lois explained who she was the police let her through. The hospital’s halls were white cliche. We all know hospital walls are generally white. What kind of white, though? This is your chance to add metaphors and similes. Spend a little more time on the characters and description, than the story. and the mood seemed emotionless. But as their escort let them pass the emergency room they both saw hundreds of people. Some of them kept yelling, others crying, and the rest being rushed into surgery. Lois cringed when she saw this spectacle and covered Jason’s eyes as he wondered what was going on Just a little reality check: if the city is in ruins, she knows what's going on. Lois is not an idiot.. After that Is this a list or something? First I did this, and then I did that, and then we did this... A story is not a shopping list. It's entertainment. Make the reader care. their walk with the escort seemed forever as they passed ten security lines. Until finally the escort smiled and opened the door to Superman’s room. Lois and Jason walked in while the escort slowly shut the door and left them alone.

There seemed to be a tremendous amount of time that Lois stood in the corner of the room holding onto to her son. The room had white walls, to the left there was a table with flowers, and a window with a great view of the ocean as a breeze pasted through it. On the right side of the room there laid Superman looking mostly out of place, with a beeping machine beside him.

Lois had many thoughts in these moments. She thought about how she loved Superman five years before and how he had left her in search of his home planet without even a good-bye. Lois had to remember the pain and emptiness she felt. After he left all she had left was her job. Nothing hurt worse than having no more stories on Superman. Her co-workers at The Daily Planet could mostly sense her resentment after she wrote her award winning prose called “Why The World Doesn’t Need Superman.” And then as the pain hid its self and she convinced herself to be happy she had a life again. She had her amazing son Jason, and then his father Richard; her fiancée.

That was until Superman came back, which Lois was both shocked yet more than happy about. Then some how in the events for fight of man kind, Lois could no longer deny that she did and would always love Superman. Not only was it complicated but completely unfair to Richard who Lois had kept a terrible secret from. That same secret Lois came to the hospital to revel, it was time Superman know about his son. Jason had already known with out his mother telling him, because it was obvious when he discovered his powers who his father was. And for five years old he was quite bright but he was anxious to talk to Superman.

Finally Lois took a deep breath and lead her son over to the bed. Superman slept serenely the rise and fall of his chest in constant continuation. He seemed to sense them next to him and his eyes opened and in that instant he smiled.
'
After that very visit Superman recovered and vanished as the sun was left glistening on the ocean…

Meanwhile in the White House a special team from the CIA looked over the important document about the one and only weakness of Superman. It was agreed that the files be kept in a secret safe place where only three members of the team could know of its whereabouts. These were three of the most trusted men in the CIA, the project was so top secret that even the commander-in-chief was unaware and the secret was never discovered. A year later all of the secret document was destroyed by orders of the secretary of defense. And for one specialist trusted with the secret, that was just fine, in fact it was perfect. All he had to do was have patience, and in the future nothing could stop him.
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

- Serenade, Adélia Prado
  





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76 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 516
Reviews: 76
Tue Oct 02, 2007 5:00 am
KingKamor says...



Okay, slow down for a bit. All you have to do it make this thing about a tenth of it's current size. Readers don't like to read this much text at once on the internet (at least, I don't), so make it in chapters or parts. Let people critique each part, and then post the next one. You don't have to post everything at once; not everyone will read it.

Good luck editting! =3
"I think it goes until it's done."
"Don't we all."
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 125
Wed Oct 03, 2007 12:03 am
SASSYLADY333 says...



I know I did before but it was in Romantic Ficition...and yeah your right if I did see a huge text I wouldn't want to read it.



P.S.- Okay now its just chapter one :).
  








Man is by nature a political animal.
— Aristotle